


Tonight

by CoriCelesti



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars The Last Jedi VIII
Genre: Angst, Canon Related, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Interrogation, Making Out, Precise canon until TLJ but not following all canon events of TLJ, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2018-05-30 18:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 72,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6436204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoriCelesti/pseuds/CoriCelesti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had only this one night, every month, same place, same time no matter what happened. Rey and Kylo relationship observed through a series of flashbacks and present moments,of how they came to be. Set during and after Star Wars The Force Awakens, now with elements from The Last Jedi but not fully canon compliant. Reylo. Soon change of rating to M for smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rey

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic ever ever ever so please dont be too harsh, I am kinda nervous :D I appreciate all constructive comments. Thanks to my friend and beta tester G.L. for her amazing help. Reylo forever and ever :) Multichapter fic

**Tonight I will forget what separates us, tonight like a new beginning. Without waiting an instant, without waiting for the time to take us, tonight before the rain falls, this fire that unites us. Let our dreams create the night. Before the doubts engulf us, before tomorrow comes, while we still have this one life.**

 

 

She was waiting impatiently. Tonight was the night. At midnight. Like in old fairy tales, at midnight everything was decided, miracles happened. They had only this one night, every month, same place, same time no matter what happened. Her heart was in turmoil, a fluttering bird in her ribcage.

This night they took possession of their lives, while they had their lives, while they could still make the most of these stolen moments, of their set destinies.

While the suns were setting Rey half closed her eyes and stared at the horizon. The outpost was far away from the city. Sublime was the calm of the mountains and the lake. She had intentionally chosen this green, pristine, alive planet. The place was magical, they called it Sunnat the valley of dreams. The city base was supposed to oversee military operations of several neighbouring systems. This hideout was hers, few knew about it. She found it while exploring the area. She stayed here under pretence of assisting the Resistance base in the city and helping out with smuggling provisions. Luke and Leia were curious as to that decision, but she made it clear she needed some time alone. After the completion of her basic training with Master Luke they let her do whatever she deemed helpful to the cause. Since she was only the second Jedi alive, one of the best warriors they had, she got away with such liberties as she could. Dark guilt started gnawing at her.

Suddenly, heavy rain started pouring down. She could barely see through the downpour, droplets smashing against the still surface of the turquoise lake. It was so loud and sudden she perked up straining to hear something unusual. There was only the curtain of pure cleansing rain. It was too early, she knew. As the last light of the two suns died she followed them with her eyes, one going down behind the orange coloured mountain, the other one following sometime after, rejoining its companion. Rey half smiled at the vision. In local tales, those two could never be together, just always running after each other, never meeting. And when they would finally meet they would collapse against each other. The companions, the lovers, their gravitational pulls would destroy them. No one would feel the ripples of their final rendezvous across the universe.

She shuddered against her good judgment. Surely it was from the cold settling with the night. What was she thinking about? She always got muddled brained when she thought of those legends, stories, and myths. She never had anyone telling her bedtime stories or any stories, so she enjoyed collecting and reading them. She was fascinated with them. But her lack of proper childhood on Jaaku brought in confusion between reality and fantasy. So she was often led to believe in the impossible which was silly but she had no one to ask. She had no one to care about her back then.

She finally entered inside the outpost and sat next to the window with a holocron in her hand. It was a small facility, only 3 rooms including the bedroom, refresher and control room, but to her that was plenty enough having lived in the tiny ruin of a TIE all her life. After an hour of flipping through virtual pages she just couldn't concentrate, Rey went to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was still tied in buns, she tried to place it better then looked at her dress. The one she got from the city was simple enough. A knee length coral garment with triangle shoulder straps. It did look more feminine then her battle tunic. Not that she cared of course. She only put it on for...change that's it. Certainly not because she thought it made all of this seem more like a rendezvous than an escapade. She looked at the lipstick she had bought, on the sink. Bit her lip trying to decide to put any or not. She had never used any makeup. This was luxury on Jaaku. Only prostitutes used it, only they could afford it. She used her credits for rations. But she was always secretly jealous of their glamour. Rey decided to brave it. The color was a bit dark but suited her well, she thought. She felt shy dressed like this. It wasn't like her.

Rey felt it then. The tingling in the bond. She had kept it tightly closed until now but when he was this close she always knew.

She stopped herself from sprinting to the door.

She entered the main room. He was there. Completely drenched, leaning against the doorframe like a spectre. The darkness from outside enveloped him and framed his tall form. The gloom scared her for a moment, the only light coming from the holochron on the armchair illuminating the droplets of water falling down the black wool of his cloak. She couldn't see his face; the hood was over. A true ghost. She had to trust the bond that this was no mirage, he was really there. She was reminded of when she first saw him, all dark and frightening in the forest of Takodana.

Rey advanced but she wanted to run back and lock herself somewhere safe away from him. This was dangerous. It wasn't good, it was criminal. How she could feel his eyes on her was criminal. The way she followed the drops falling down his hood over his crossed arms was criminal.

Like always he didn't wait for small talk. He turned back sharply, his cape floated dramatically behind him. She shook her head. Always so damn dramatic. She grabbed her own raincoat and followed locking the door carefully behind.

He had another speeder bike, this one looking newer than the previous ones he brought. Her professional interest piqued at the design and implements, she stopped to look and inspect it before climbing on. He was already sitting impatiently. He offered her his hand and she braved to look at his face then for the first time in a month.

The light was very low but she inhaled silently at the fire raging in that gaze. Like always he could hide little of his emotions, which made wearing the mask all that more useful. But there was no mask tonight, nor any of their nights since she asked him to take it off 4 months ago. She agreed to grab his offering hand, despite her stubbornness and jumped in front. She was dwarfed sitting in front of his looming figure. But she liked to be the one driving, she was better than him anyways and knew the place like the palm of her hand.

The rain was falling hard and Rey was soaked to the bones in no time, he grabbed her then around the waist, holding fast. She tried to control her reaction to his gloved touch. She craved it every day in her dreams, waiting, wanting. But the wait was over. The fire had started burning under her quickly cooling skin.

''Nice to see you Kylo'' she whispered, scared her voice would betray her nervousness.

''I wasn't late was I. No time to waste.'' he answered in his smooth low timbre.

Angry at his lack of greeting she turned on the motor and sped up. The speeder bike rode the night, going towards the forest. She loved this so much. The freedom of it, the wind on her wet face, washing everything, all the worries, all the guilt, all the lies, erasing time itself. She didn't want the rain to stop. Going faster and faster, he clutched her harder, her heart was beating madly. The trees were passing like shadows, the bike barely missing them, going as fast as it physically could. They were brushing death like the old friend it was. She loved it. Her exhilaration was reflected in her companion. He was breathing hard on her shoulder, and their hair and cloaks were flapping around them animated by their own will.

They rode like this for what must have been hours, at one point almost crashing in a darkbear. The moment was so sweet, she felt excitement rolling deep within her belly. Her cheeks red, her hands grabbing the handles for dear life. If they crashed, it would feel so good, she wanted for it to happen sometimes, she knew he did too. It was madness. They were mad. But they never crashed. Just raced through the rain in the forest and fields away from everyone, away from the world, sometimes screaming in pure liberation.

Finally they arrived at their usual spot. The cottage was glistening in the moon light, wooden beams and red roof, same as they left it last time. It laid nestled next to a small pristine lake. The water usually reflecting the moons was disturbed by the drumming rain drops. The forest was surrounding it all as if keeping its secret. Now that the storm was over everything was quiet. She silently dropped off, the only sound now their heavy breathing, still heady from the race.

Before Rey advanced towards the cottage, ignoring her silent companion behind, she came to her senses. The thrill of the ride was gone, a different kind of excitement was forming. It was so strong she felt she could be sick, her palms sweaty. She didn't know if she could do it again. Her guilt was telling her to leave, to go back and never come back to this place. She couldn't carry on, her soul was ripping. Let this be the last night oh Stars! This attraction to her sworn enemy was unbearable, inhuman, and unreal. It was forbidden and it led nowhere but hell. She swallowed and told herself that this would be the last time. She would end it tonight.

Her thoughts were interrupted by someone's strong arms pulling her against their warm chest, embracing her from behind. He never did that. Why did he do that? Could he hear her thoughts?

She tried to turn her face to see him but he had already grabbed her chin and put his gloved hand over her lips. Leaning down over her ear he whispered:

''Did you miss me Rey''

Her last rational thought was gone.

It was to be their last night. She was going to tell him.


	2. Kylo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos everyone! I would be happy if you leave any suggestions in the comments! :)

He imagined her by his side. No distance between them. He imagined her in the hidden parts of his mind while she was huddled so small and fragile in his arms. Sweet gentle smile. Tasting her love, getting drunk on kisses. In his dreams she was with him always. A celestial being from a fairy-tale descended from some heavenly realms to pull him towards the light. A ray of sunshine and a misty ray of moonshine, yes she must have come from the unknown stars.

Ever since he had touched her in the interrogation room, ever since this accursed bond was forged, he was a lost man. He was losing it, his sanity; he could do naught to interfere. It was a hopeless battle, a constant struggle not to have her. He was failing, he has failed therefore he was a failure. Failure. Bitterness and darkness consumed him at that word. His self-hatred redoubling. He needed to be punished for the huge failure he was. Supreme Leader Snoke had shown him countless times and before that his mother and father, his classmates and even his damned saint uncle. Ben you are naught but a failure, you keep trying to do what’s right but you end up destroying everything time and time again. His destiny was to be the most powerful, the strongest, the destined child, to succeed where his grandfather failed. He had to. But light was tempting him on every step.

The last time they met like this he implored her, showing her a shade of this weakness: ''Join me Rey, come with me.''  
But she only looked at him with sad eyes and what he was sure was pity. That time his soul felt stabbed, worse than a bleeding scar.

He couldn’t let her see how she affected him though. Not this time. He would keep his composure like the steel and iron of his impenetrable mask. He won’t crumble, couldn’t let her see him like this, weak, under her power. He was under another’s power now, that was his destiny. Snoke had him. His master had helped him, had trained him. His master also possessed what he desired. And one day he would wield that power. She imagined she could redeem him, but he was not meant to be saved, he was a lost man. What was he thinking... Those feelings are irrational, Ren had to suppress them, to obliterate them, he had to face his temptation tonight.

When he stopped the speeder bike and waited at the doorway he could sense her vaguely in the next room. The weather was ruthless, it was late and he liked that the rain was making it impossible to hear or see anything. They couldn’t risk anyone showing up at any moment. This faraway post was perfect for this purpose. It was all her plan, the savvy scavenger in her knowing how to find remote hidden places. Kylo looked around the unadorned room. He saw the holobook on an armchair next to the only window. He imagined how much the rain must enchant her, she probably sat down and stared at it for hours. What was she thinking in those moments…of her lost childhood, of lost dreams , of her new friends, her new enemies.

Those flames that were burning him alive every time they met did she feel them too?… 

He caught his breath as she entered. She was so small compared to him, her hair set in her usual style, showing her slender features, her slim neck, velvety painted lips and those damned striking eyes. So calm. He wanted to make that calm go away, to twist it into scorching dark fire, so intense and unbearable. Good thing his own eyes were hidden under his hood, she would be scared lest she saw them.

She never dressed like that, knee length peach dress spilling down from her waist where it wrapped revealing the swell of her breasts. He couldn’t tear his gaze from her. She was truly an otherworldly being. Next to her he looked like a dark soaked demon of a ghost. Ren wondered if she put this attire just for him, abandoning the practical Jedi garb for this more feminine look. Why would she? The thought disturbed him as he pushed it away. He enjoyed it either way, couldn’t wait to get the garment off her as soon as the time came. Again he was glad she couldn’t see his stare, he wouldn’t be made fun of. As if Kylo Ren was a fool who has never enjoyed the company of beautiful women before. He surely had. Long missions and training on countless planets got lonely and females seemed to be attracted to him. Just not like that. She was not like them. There was no artifice, no purpose to please. Her simple innocence and natural grace made the others insignificant. Even if her innocence was tainted by the war, by her taking lives, she somehow managed to remain pure and that fascinated him to no end.

He had missed her so much it hurt. Ren couldn't stand the impulse not to run and crush her to him. So he turned around making sure his cloak was swept behind as he left. Even drenched, he had to keep up appearances.  
Kylo waited patiently on the new speed bike. Would she notice? Of course she would. The mechanic in her always noticed. As she came out covered up a in a thick long coat, he made sure not to look at her slim figure, naked legs in long boots. Time was of essence, they couldn't do nothing now, not here. Their secret place was waiting. She stopped to admire the vehicle, touching its sleek surface with the tips of her fingers as if teasing him on purpose. He gritted his teeth wishing she would hurry it up. She was provoking him. Kylo offered her his hand then in the manner Jedis were trained at, he wanted to spite her back, or maybe wanted her to need his help for once. 

Rey looked up at him, her eyes twinkling, then grabbed his hand and gracefully took position in the front seat. Kylo smirked releasing a supressed breath as he finally pulled her small frame to his body. He concentrated on the feel of her pressed to him, the heat between them stronger than in his dreams. They were both getting soaked wet in the chill and rain but it mattered not.

''Nice to see you Kylo'' she whispered: 

''I wasn’t late was I. No time to waste.'' he answered stubbornly not admitting how nice it was to hold her again.

There was no reply but the ignition of the motor. His excitement was beginning to take hold about what was to come. Other times they had their own bikes and raced against each other. The racing was exhilarating, it awoke all of his senses, it felt similar to when they were fighting. It reflected the wildness of his nature. They always had a delirious time. Sparring, racing and, last but not least, coupling. Ren sensed the last term wasn't right for what happened during those nights, but he would rather not dwell on it or replace it with a more …sentimental verb. No. There was no sentiments in this, only passion, madness and lust.

She was speeding up now, the newly leafed branches hitting his face and Rey's wet locks flying everywhere, her hood having fallen. His own hood was thrashing behind in the wild wind. They went as fast as the speeder bike could take them, but he hungered for more speed, faster, faster still. This adrenaline, this feeling he needed it like the force, this liberation, this fear of crashing, of suffering, of death, they needed it desperately. The needed to feel that danger. They never admitted it to each other but it was one of the few times they truly felt connected, they felt alive, they weren't alone.

After several hours of this savage ride, hearts beating wildly, they stopped at the clearing in front of the cottage. The rain had calmed down. He felt sodden to the bone, wiping water from his chin and hair. Kylo tried to manage his tousled strands tying his hair in the back of his head. He watched Rey get off the bike, even more drenched than him, shivering under her coat. They usually waited until both of them were inside, away from any prying eyes but he couldn't stop himself tonight. He had waited too long. She was going to pay for inflicting this torture.

As she was walking towards the entrance lost in her thoughts, he jumped down, stealthily reached her in one stride and pulled her back to his chest. Startled, she dropped her guard and he decided to take advantage of it to see through the bond. She was always blocking him, but the surprise granted him a moment. He was lucky as she had dropped her defences and opened up her garden to him. It was filled with countless images. Flowers and plants grew on desert sands, light was everywhere shining bright, and further, some dark trees were growing, glowing colourful connections linking them. The connections he tried to understand were a mix of anxiety, anticipation, fear and an acute surge of desire. Kylo half expecting the last feeling smirked at the effect he was having. She tried to twist in his grasp but he stopped her with his arms, one hand grabbing her chin and brushing her lips. His body barely touching hers, he leaned down and whispered in her small pink ear. 

''Did you miss me Rey?'' 

As his whisper died in the night, Rey struggled, twisting around and stared at him with such intensity he gulped down some extra saliva. She was looking up at him, her eyes liquid pools of desperation but her frame seemed to suddenly gain in size against his much larger one. Oh, she was mad. Kylo was reminded of one of the countless reasons he was enamoured with the girl, her both inner and outer unyielding strength was so damn impressive. Most have trembled and fled when faced with Kylo Ren, the commander of the knights of Ren, the most wanted man in the galaxy, the successor of Darth Vader, and those who did not flee faced his wrath and have not lived to speak of it. But not she. Oh Rey was scared sometimes, she was, but not of fear for her life, not of fear of him. She knew she could hurt him, maybe even defeat him, but he wouldn't hurt her. And he knew she wouldn't kill him either even though she probably should.

Rey opened her sweet painted lips as if to speak but then pressed them tight, proceeding to grab his sleeve and drag him unceremoniously towards the cottage. He let her do it.


	3. Takodana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter but next one is the interrogation so it will be longer promise! All comments and suggestions are welcome!

Rey knew their time was running out. How long can they keep up this secret affair of theirs? How did she fall so low? How did she fall so hard, get so damn high, whispered her inner voice. Stars! She knew he was so wicked, such shameless man, teasing her, playing games with her. But she played those games well, not an unwilling participant altogether. She made sure he was in as deep as she was. It was a filthy game of seduction with no rules. And she loved pushing his buttons.  
Rey wondered what she was for him? A plaything, a distraction?

Kylo Ren could have anything and anyone he desired and they wouldn't be half unwilling. Damn his fiendish appeal!

Was she a forbidden fruit then, her light too distracting? An act of rebellion against his tyrannical master?

She could understand rebellion as she has tasted herself the bittersweet pleasure of disobeying her own master. To live on the other side, feel the darkness, the freedom to be herself without rules, the freedom to explore all that the force had to offer. But they both had their orders. Bring the other dead or alive. Enemy number one. And obeying orders was what he had done all his life, it must not be it then, he would not forsake his perceived destiny for her.

Was it because they were both strong in the force, that force that bound them together? Was he guided by that bond between force users, binding a Jedi and a darksider, the dark and the light? Was this bond a simple consequence of their minds touching or an experiment by the Gods? Were they pawns in some game?

Was it the bond that made Ren act like he did with her, his sworn enemy, to the point of disobeying Snoke? 

No, she was certain it wasn't the bond. Their force connection was strong, unique. It created unprecedented intimacy, but it couldn't create sexual desire or romantic feelings, there was no force in the universe that could, she knew that somehow. It could have been simple empathy or camaraderie or utter repulsion if it was unwanted. But instead there was that...that overwhelming unyielding craving. It grew steadily with each encounter and in five months it was unquenchable. The fire was born within them.  
It was born the day he captured her, strapped her to that interrogation table and threw off the old life out of her. From then on it was an electrical storm between her and Kylo Ren, never a moment of reprieve, fighting for dominance, for advantage, brawling, sleeping together, racing, competing and then fighting until utter emotional and physical exhaustion. It was pure madness. 

What was he to her then?

She had to stop thinking about him but couldn't stop it, the memories sweeping her away. Her mind going in circles, going over and over every passing moment they had.

The first time in the forest. Running terrified of someone chasing her or stalking her like an easy prey. Easy prey she was with no powers, not even her staff, having just experienced the strangest vision from that thing in the box. She had let BB-8 escape so why were those people after her? She was so confused. Rey kept shooting with the blaster, it was dark, the terrain hiding the ghost-like thing chasing her. She could see bits of flowing black fabric, its red glowing weapon illuminating the surrounding trees. This sword somehow deflected her every shot. What was that! 

She fled up the boulders, running. However the creature caught up to her and she felt herself go numb. It must be the fear. No. She was petrified by its powers. She tried, she couldn't move a finger. Panic ridden Rey observed her attacker, for it was certainly male. He was wielding the strangest weapon she had seen so far, glowing red like the blood it probably spilled. The hooded masked monster was all flowing black cape and robes. Never had she met someone so powerful, so intimidating, a creature from nightmares, wielding mysterious powers she couldn't begin to understand. How can he control her movements, her body? What was this sword made of light, sizzling and crackling like an angry desert thunder? And even though back then she thought she was going to lose her life underneath the beautiful greenery, she remembered the vague stirring in her gut as he swung his blade at her neck stopping bare inches from it, demanding her in his machine way where was the droid. It must be a male judging from the voice. She felt the heat, wanted to scream, but didn't say a word. Then the pressure was suddenly gone and the ghost took his time circling her as he stopped right in front of her paralyzed form, his body so close she could see the details of his mask. It was made of some black metal, scratched and used. He stretched his hand towards her. What was he doing? Then she felt a strange presence in her mind. She wanted to scream, a pain was searing in her brain, wrecking it apart. Was he getting the information somehow? That was ridiculous. No one could do that. The masked ghost confirmed what she feared:

‘’The map, you’ve seen it.’’ It wasn’t a question. 

Suddenly he leaned impossibly close to her. Her eyelids were tight shut but the voice of a Stormtrooper saved her. After their leader confirmed they had what they needed, the panic in Rey rose to impossible levels. What was happening! Then he swirled back to her. She vaguely remembered crumbling down feeling softness, then being lifted like a precious cargo.  
She shook her head, trying to chase away those painful events from the recent past. Painful but also so revealing. Maybe there was something to be found there...the motivations behind his actions, behind what happened between them. Maybe she could figure out what went wrong?


	4. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continued interest in my story, please feel free to give me any feedback! Also if I make mistakes in the Star Wars terminology do let me know! Now on to the interrogation!

The next flashback was her waking up with renewed and redoubled horror. What happened to her on Takodana? What did they do? She didn't feel physically hurt, and her clothes were still in place. She let out a relieved sigh. As Rey looked around a new wave of panic overcame her already strained nerves. She was in a high-tech facility, some kind of circular room painted red from the lights above. Red like a bleeding sun. How appropriate. But the worst was to come. 

She was immobilized, lying at an angle on some type of metal platform, a stand. Rey strained against the new found straps on her arms and legs. Never had she been a prisoner before, never had she been.. tortured. She shivered hard. She then tried to control her body which had started to tremble viciously, her skin was perspiring, her teeth chattering, her fists clenching. Rey was hyperventilating, she couldn't move, couldn't escape. She had failed and was captured. Who were those people? Why did they want the map? She started imagining all the things they would do to her to get her to talk. Only days ago all of this, the map, Luke Skywalker, it all seemed like a lie, a silly legend, some mumbo-jumbo quest. It was fast becoming more and more real and she was a part of it now, whether she wanted or not. Her old life was out of the window. But she had lived through enough hardships in her day. She will make it through. Stars give her strength!

As she tried to calm down she looked straight ahead at the reality she wished wasn’t real. There he was, the creature in the mask. She should have been more terrified at the fact but for some unknown reason she felt relieved. It was him, the one who didn't kill her, the one who carried her gently? But what would he do to her now? She observed him as he was her behind that iron facade. 

''Where am I?'' she enquired trying to control her voice.

''You are my guest.'' He replied in a flat machine tone.

She gritted her teeth, her anger overwhelming her panic.

‘’I don’t really feel like a guest here! What do you want with me? And where are the others!’’

‘’You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call friends? You’ll be relieved to hear I have no idea.” He replied, disdain slipping in his tone. He continued as if amused and disappointed at the same time “You still want to kill me.’’

Rey was confused. How could she sense those slight undertones in this mechanic voice? She needed to see his face, needed to see who did this to her. Rey needed every detail about her captor so it could offer her a clue to his motives. A clue on how to escape.  
“That’s what happens when you're talking to a creature in a mask! I will not talk to a masked coward!’’

He stood up crossing his arms behind his back, his tall frame dwarfing her tied one. Taking his time.

“You know about the map in the R2 unit. Somehow you convinced the droid to show it to you… " He paused, then added mockingly ‘’you a scavenger.’’ He repeated the last part word by word, gauging her reaction. 

Just a scavenger. Indeed. A nobody involved into something she never wished for. She was just a scavenger, insignificant, she had no friends. Pretending those people she had met shortly were her friends was wishful. She felt angry tears welling up at the harsh truth. Somehow he knew all of this. What he didn’t know was that Rey was no traitor.

‘’Yes I am just a scavenger. So I have no idea what you are talking about. I was just.. having a drink at that bar. You should let me go now if you know what’s good for you!’’

Rey knew she was bluffing, her rapid heartbeat and sweating palms must have been proof enough, but she wouldn’t give him the pleasure of seeing her distress.  
His mechanical voice startled her

‘’ What’s good for me…and you would know what’s good for me scavenger girl? You know I can take whatever I want. ‘’

Rey shivered hard and not only from the implications of his words. There was a strange feeling in her gut. He approached, his boots clanking on the metal floor. He raised his black bandaged arm, his hand reaching for her temple. His fingers were getting so close.

She held her breath in anticipation. What happened then was hard to describe. It was similar to the feeling she got in the forest. Like when she was daydreaming or thinking, knowing no one could ever hear her. Her thoughts were her own, her dreams were her piece of freedom. But at that moment she was well aware of a presence in her head exploring, seeking for something. It was mortifying, alien, she felt her innermost intimacy forcibly taken away. A tear was sliding down her cheek. It was impossible! This was her only freedom. He was taking it away, stealing her secrets. And she could do naught to stop him.

“You are so lonely. So afraid to leave. At night desperate to sleep. You imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island. And Han Solo. You feel like he’s the father you never had. He would have disappointed you’’

Rey swallowed a sob, shaking in humiliation of her uncovered dreams, of how pathetic she must seem to this powerful monster, he truly could take what he wanted…the bastard.. How could he…how dare he…Wait why would have Han Solo..?

‘’I know you’ve seen the map, now you’ll give it to me.’’ She gulped down as he murmured through the modulator. His words were harsh and self-assured. He placed himself in front of her this time his arm extending, trembling with the extortion.

No! Please, Stars! She wasn’t going to just stand here and be tortured! That was not her! She wouldn't allow this creature to get the information, even if it was the last thing she did. She would stop him. Even if she had to somehow end her life, she would. She had finally found a purpose, those good people, she would not betray them. Channeling her anger, her despair and resolve, Rey pushed back with all she had, physically and mentally. 

‘’Out of my head!’’ Rey hissed.

She had no idea what she was doing but she wanted her freedom. She also wanted, she realized that later, for someone to understand her fear, to help her understand. She heard him, what he said about her dream of the island, about her loneliness, he was announcing it as if it meant naught. She grew so angry then. He would pay. She would make him, show him, take from him what he took from her. She would pierce his impenetrable shield. She pushed at those invisible walls harder, pushing with all her desperation. Her mind straining to find a crack, a strange instinct awakening.

Then something gave in and Rey was suddenly thrown in some kind of a mausoleum or library or gallery? She had only read about such places. She didn’t know what it was. The place was so abstract. Ash falling from endless skies. Holoshows playing on repeat, displaying blurry movies. It was so immense. Glowing strands of energy going everywhere and nowhere. She knew not what was happening, was that some new torture, a drug, a dream? It felt so private, like she wasn’t supposed to be there. Was that.. his mind?

Rey realized she had little time and desperately looked around trying to memorize as much as possible. A lot of the holoshows playing were about a man dressed in black, was that him? She could barely distinguish his name, his significance. He was…Darth Vader? Hundreds of black and blue strands were plugged into the images. Rey reached for them and gasped. Fear, loneliness and more…She stepped away, another hologram pulling her close. She observed herself this time, on the platform, bound as she was, face strained and stained with tears. The strands connected there were yellow and red as she touched them lightly.

Rey was violently pulled away. Gasping back in her restraints she stared straight ahead at the pits of black molten liquid behind the mask. She was exhaling and inhaling heavily, her ribcage a prison for hidden torments.  
‘’You! You are afraid that ... you’ll never be as strong as..Darth Vader?’’ Rey snapped trying to be insulting, but coming up as sympathetic somehow..

The towering ghost was speechless. Her words must have affected him. Rey gloated internally. He moved his suddenly shaking hand to his face. As a mechanism hissed the mask was removed and quickly thrown on some pedestal. Finally!  
Before she could react to seeing her captor’s face, he was on her, gloved fingers spread on her collarbone, his thumb pressing on the hollow of her throat.

Rey was stunned motionless. Her resolve almost slipped as she realized the fatal mistake she may have done by saying that. Another revelation hit her. The creature towering above her was a man. Not just any man. No scars and ugly cruel eyes. No vicious expression. Just a young man, looking oh so innocent. She felt his leather touch acutely.

Her panic started to weaken. There was no way those expressive eyes could mean her ill, there was no way this man was the one who captured her. There was no way this face was that of a monster killing, kidnapping, torturing people. His thumb pushed slowly down and she felt her breath coming harder. 

‘’Scum. You didn’t give me what I wanted. You are of no value to me or the First Order anymore. You are nothing but a worthless scavenger. Your friends will never find you.. I will find the map and I will kill them, starting with Skywalker. And I will take your life first.’’ He was furious, his soft brown eyes hardening, cold to the world.

The tears came uninvited again gathering in the corners of her eyes, afraid to spill. Why was she so affected by his words…damn him! Damn him! She didn’t want to believe it. Couldn’t stand to see this cruel side. There was life in him. He had feelings, she has seen them. She had to bring them back. She didn’t know what she was thinking, her life was forfeit as it was. But she just couldn’t watch it. There was something more there. 

‘’Go on then. I have no regrets. Kill me. Do it! You said I am a scavenger, that I am no one. But I am not scared of you!’’ She looked up in defiance.

He finally found her eyes, his own no longer glazed. Countless emotions were swimming in that gaze. His mouth was moving slightly. The pressure increased as he pushed his palm on her sternum, she could barely think, barely breath, the panic enveloping her, but she kept up with the staring contest.

Then the pressure lifted swiftly. Rey took a shaky breath, closing her eyes from the strain. She had been drowning in those endless pools. She was alive. She…he…Rey felt a gloved finger sliding up her cheek. Her pupils dilated, her heart skipping a beat. He was looking transfixed at his finger’s ministration, wiping carefully all the frozen teardrops as if not realizing it. The man lifted his fingers examining them. Then as if realizing what he was doing, he turned away, grabbed his mask and left without a word, the door loudly hissing behind him. Rey was stunned, her mind a blank canvas. What by the Stars happened just now? Who was this man… and again... Why had she been ready to die at his hand?


	5. The Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continuous support, this is the last chapter of TFA after that is my interpretation of what happened muahah :D any comments and ideas are welcome as always :)

The next time she saw him was deciding. Through the brief time she was free from him and his interrogations, she didn’t have much time to think about it, escaping, meeting with Finn, Chewbacca and Han, setting explosives and all. The discovery of her new-found mysterious powers also added to the clutter in her brain. 

Rey sighed as she was looking through the window at the fading moon. Her fingers were tracing its glass reflection. That moon which never reached the sun. Why were their encounters always so tragic? Why were they not at least a bit like in the fairy tales? Was it too much to ask for a normal relationship, walking around, laughing, eating out, out in the open. She had read about such things in her tales. Not that she could understand it or even picture it, but it seemed so normal, so nice.

Nicer than seeing your interest putting a sizzling sword through his father. Her palms pressed tight against the window. The air had been so thick and suffocating then, she remembered how the single ray of light from outside was gone, how the darkness took its place. Darkness only interrupted by a great man, now a memory, falling in the abyss, paying the final price for his son. Rey didn’t want to remember this… she couldn’t stop blaming herself. Couldn’t she have done something? Anything? But she barely knew Han Solo then, barely knew any of them. She only remembered the pain of losing this legend of a man who could have been her father in another life. The man that came to save her. The child he tried to take home didn’t deserve him. Why had he done it! The guilt was ripping her apart. She was no better. How could she betray Han’s memory by being with him? Or did she forgive him already? Kylo Ren. Why?… Back then she couldn’t hear them in the huge hall but only watch them helplessly together one moment and the next..it was over. She had screamed. She had felt betrayed; she hated him with all her heart, her heart that hadn’t know such hatred until then, the darkness embedding itself deeply.

Rey remembered so vividly how he got shot, doubling over, how he lifted his dead eyes looking up and through her, knowing she saw it all, the wild rage overcoming him. Everything was collapsing. They had to flee, both her and Finn sensing the danger of staying in this cursed base any longer. She hoped Chewbacca escaped somehow. They felt the danger radiating off the deadly enemy, his ghost bent on chasing after them.

Escaping through the snow blanketed forest, it failed to feel magical; the beauty of it was lost on her. She only felt empty inside, torn apart by feeling for this monster something she shouldn’t have allowed herself to. As they ran, Finn stopped dead in his tracks as they both looked upon the floating dark shade they were running from. His red blade was splitting the frozen landscape like a wound. He was standing in their way, his long hair whipping in the wind.

‘’We’re not done yet’’ his mask less face spit out

‘’You’re a monster!’’ shouted Rey breathing hard, the fear paralyzing her.

‘’It’s just us now. Han Solo can’t save you.’’ He was beating on his chest, where Chewbacca had shot him. Blood was dripping in the white snow.

Rey transfixed by the liquid raised her blaster to shoot at him, when she was sent flying, hitting a tree and losing consciousness. She was quickly roused by the screams of someone…Finn? No..not him too please…She looked around. Her friend was getting slashed across the back, crumbling down. NO! She stood up, a surge of strength she didn’t know she possessed fueling her. She was taking steady breaths. She had to help Finn. But first he will pay! She saw him reaching towards the saber and felt it somehow. A burning light was awaiting her like in Maz's basement. She also felt…him, his despair, fury and pain. Or was that her? She had to get it first. Rey concentrated again, feeling the familiar surge of energy calling the saber. Finally it dislodged itself and almost hit the man as it flew to her open hand. Time slowed down. She was looking at the weapon in her hand, looking at him. Why did it come to her first, why not to him? He obviously knew what he was doing; she couldn’t possibly measure up to him, to his power. He was shot, cut and bleeding yet he was standing tall, fierce and ready for battle. Why had he followed? Why did he want to kill them? Why didn’t he kill her when he had the chance? Questions were swarming her mind.

She didn’t have the luxury to wait though, if he wanted a fight she would give him one. She would not die that night. She had Finn to save. And Han…Rey felt the sweet desire for revenge enveloping her like an embrace. She pressed on a button lighting up the saber, it felt unnatural in her hand. She didn’t know what to do, she missed her staff, but she had to learn fast. Abruptly she was swinging at him, parrying, using all her strength but she was clumsy. He was gaining up on her, taking quick swings, taking his time. He must have been either too exhausted or not willing to use his full power. She couldn’t care at the moment. She was being pushed, she had to run, he was too strong. Rey turned around, her last efforts used in evading his unbearable strikes. But he wouldn’t let her go. He cornered her at the collapsing ravine, snow and fire stormed behind. One more step and she would fall. His blood dipped saber pushed against her own, his face getting closer and closer. His hair a flying mess, his eyes held a fever glaze, brown melting into black.

‘’ You need a teacher’’ he panted “I can show you the force’’

Rey was at her last breath, her last strength. What was he saying? A teacher…was he insane! She would rather die! She couldn’t tear herself from his feverish stare. He was swallowing her whole, she could read his despair in there along with so much more. The force…use the force…

She snapped out of it, closed her eyes. She wouldn't let him win. This force was filling her now; she was extracting it from somewhere deep inside, dipping in her hope and her anguish.

She felt so calm, focused. The raging storm outside didn’t reach her. She swung at him, blue sparkling against sizzling red. He seemed slower, retreating. She hit him once…twice. Her heart thrashing every time her blade hit his flesh. The smell of it sickened her. Why did he stop fighting? He was limping back, his hand punching his side. He was very hurt. Their blades met again and she was suddenly forcing his through the ground, electrocuting it through the melting snow. Its circuits were fried. It was his last stand, his body trying to overpower hers. But his sword was no more. As he was pushed back her blade tore into his shoulder like soft butter. He stumbled back and fell. It was the final blow; he couldn’t move anymore. He was struggling to stand up. He could swing at her still, but he didn’t. He only looked at his old captive with that desperate expression, pleading for something. Not for mercy. She knew what he wanted and snapped out of her focus, she felt sick. Sick to her insides. She couldn’t do it. That was not her. She was standing there taking shaky breaths, adrenaline at a breaking point.

He was gasping, his wounds seeping his life away. Rey took a shaky step towards him. She felt the earth shaking, she had little time. She didn’t know what to do. She had to escape, to leave him; he was as good as dead. Instead she kneeled down next to his large body and placed her palm over the biggest cut on his shoulder. She wished urgently for it to close, wishing she could undo at least a bit of the damage. It was crazy, why could she even dream of being able to do such thing! But a hope, some unknown light, guided her and it enveloped the torn flesh. It slowly stopped bleeding and his gasps calmed down to silent groans. She could feel his pain everywhere. How did this happen! She healed him!

There was the red gash across his face; his hair was stuck to it. She couldn’t bear to look at it but she had to leave, she couldn’t stay. His eyes were piercing hers, his forehead wrinkled in pain and confusion. She only managed to mutter

'' Now we are even '' before ghosting her fingers lightly above his wound and running away, wishing he wouldn’t see her weakness, her tears.


	6. Meeting Luke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the lateness, but I struggled with this chapter as it happens outside of the movie, also because it treats with Rey's encounters with the other characters. I am not 100% sure of how it is but I am posting it anyways :D Now beta-tested by my friend G.L! Any comments and ideas are welcome :)

The next days had been a flurry of events that distracted Rey from reminiscing about what had happened on Star Killer: escaping the exploding planet to reach D'Qar, facing Leia- another fabled heroine from the stories, learning more about the Resistance... Her life had surely turned upside down since meeting BB8 and Finn.

Ever since they landed she was spending every free moment with an unconscious Finn. It was so hard to see him like that, his usually smiling, caring self, rendered unresponsive and deadly serious. She missed him so much, this person that taught her what having a friend meant, the first one to risk his life to save her, a stranger, without a second thought.

While keeping vigil in the med wing, occupying a tiny cot next to his bed, she met his friend Poe. The pilot had taken the role of a warden, keeping constant watch over the storm pilot. He was something of a charmer. Finn had talked much about him. The pilot was the reason Finn had crashed on Jaaku and crossed paths with Rey. The short and perilous time they spent together, Finn and Poe and Rey, had pushed them in getting fast acquainted, they had seen so much, been in so many fights over the course of the last week. So the two pilots, one of the Order and one of the resistance, had forged a fast close-knit camaraderie. And so had Rey. Finn was going to get better, Poe had declared trying to sound cheerful; their friend was getting a prosthesis for his broken spine. It would take a while though. Rey only prayed for the best. At least he was alive. No thanks to her, but to Chewbacca. What would Finn say when he woke up, she wondered, when he learnt she had saved the life of his aggressor...saved the life of Poe's torturer. She bitterly realized she shouldn't deserve such friends.

The memorial for the other one, the new friend she had made and now lost, happened soon after. Burying the symbol of Han Solo, his body floating somewhere in the depths of the unknown space amidst the dust ofStar Killer base, had been something special. The ceremony was simple and joyous, lasting late into the night: bonfires, dancing and other festivities. It left Rey confused. She had only witnessed the quick disposal of corpses on Jaaku, the sun never waited for such fanciful things as funerals. Whenever someone died, the denizens of the scrub yards looked away and went on with their day to day existence. There was no time for tears, no time for joy. Was it always like this with other humans' ceremonies, pretending to be happy and celebrate when their hearts felt numb? Or was it because that's how he would have wished it, according to lady Organa. The general had been stone-faced through the ceremony, standing tall on the stage, so different than the first time they met, sharing their unspoken loss. Leia had said but a couple of humble words about the pirate, about his adventure brimmed life, she had been smiling and even laughing at some inside jokes. But Rey wasn’t fooled. She felt it through that new power. The gaping hole on the stage, the broken heart of a betrayed mother and a wife. Rey wished she couldn’t see those private emotions, wished she could phase them out, but she couldn’t. She still could have done something for Han, maybe, surely. Certainly not sparing his murderer.

Rey had felt so out of place at this observance, she didn't fit in there. She didn't understand the ceremony, the joy of it. Didn't know what she was supposed to say or how to act. She just felt like crying out what everyone was feeling. She also had no one to confide in as Finn was not by her side. Poe was socializing and Chewy had retired at the Falcon. Distancing herself from the crowd, Rey sneaked around the compound, strolling and marveling at the sound of the crunchy grass beneath her soft boots, breathing in the cool night air. She thought she was alone when tiny electronic sounds reached her ears, little BB8 made its presence known. The droid's joyful beeps made her smile; it came to cheer her as it had observed her distress. It explained in its machine language about how happy it was to have met her and that she was a great pilot, as great as his master Poe and one day she will be as great as master Solo. She smiled at the droid as recent memories of Han resurfaced, how he had offered her one dream pilot job that she had refused foolishly, instead she had ran away from it all at Takodana. If only she had stayed... Confident and cocky as he was, sitting on his beloved Falcon’s pilot seat, with his stories and his jokes, Han Solo had taken her for who she was. And as brief as that, this scavenger had come to love and respect the rogue man, her heart just couldn't accept his end. She wiped her face and patted the metal ball, then spent the rest of the night at Finn's bedside, listening to the merrymaking outside.

Those days were sad and scary, filled with grieving and fervent planning. But also hopeful, since the unexpected discovery of the fabled Luke Skywalker's location. After figuring out the map, the discovery of the only Jedi alive had lifted the morale of the whole base. Rey had been there with them in the planning room, hope had filled their hearts, having suffered so many losses to get to that precious bit of information, to finally see it. From that moment on, general Leia had made Rey attend all the Resistance’s war councils, listening to battle plans and informants’ reports. She was very lost as to all that data, knowing little of politics, nothing of war, having heard only rumors and gossip from Niima Post travelers. And Rey always imagined war like something external, something that happened to others, somewhere far from Jaaku. She had been unsure as to what was happening in the outside world apart from the fact that the Resistance was fighting the First Order. Jakku scavengers only cared for who bought their junk, political alliances fed no one and most often than not ended in misery for those caught up in it. But Rey felt somehow different, having spent years shooting invisible enemies in her flight simulator, wearing the Rebels X-Wing helmet, she had fantasized about being there on those huge spaceships, imagining the thrill of the war amongst the stars. An old merchant had seen her helmet once and shared a story more precious than water. He told her how those Rebels had fought against the evil empire of Darth Vader long time ago. How the great heroes Luke Skywalker,Leia Organa and Han Solo the space pirate had brought down the second Death Star of the evil emperor on Endor, how the ewoks had helped, how princess Leia turned out to be the sister of the new Jedi Luke. It was unthinkable to Rey to imagine herself back then being around those legendary suddenly turned to flesh heroes. But here she was now amongst the freedom-fighters with the First Order, being the successor to that old evil empire, according to general Organa. They had brainwashed storm troopers, destroyed a planet of innocents, killed all the remaining new Jedi, terrorized the galaxy but also tortured Poe, murdered Han, and almost killed Finn. It was personal now. This was not a video game or simulation. This war was very, very real and billions of creatures were suffering as she came to this realization. She understood little of their political motivations, but surely the Order were evil cruel monsters.

One thing she had learned in her short life was the enemy of her enemy must be her ally. And people in the Resistance treated her well, and cared little to probe her mind on interrogation stands. On the contrary they had saved her life. She owed them whatever she could give, she owed it to the innocents that gave their life destroying Starkiller. Even if that entailed abandoning her quest for her lost family, never returning to Jaaku..

She had little time for herself otherwise, split between the planning room and the med wing, Rey wanted to go out and explore the planet, her thirst for seeing new things insatiable, but D'Qar was not meant to be her new home. They were bent on sending her out to Ahch-To, Luke's hideout, Leia told her after an important council meeting. All of it because this young girl seemed to play a big part in the future. That it must be her destiny. Because she was strong with the force. Because she had defeated the commander of the knights of Ren, the Jedi Killer of the First Order.  
Speaking of the devil, Rey’s words were weak to describe her astonishment about the past of that universally despised man. She had heard the gossip. The son of Han Solo and Leia Organa, an heir to true royalty coming from the perfect family, too perfect to be good apparently. It was hard to imagine how different he was from both of them; how his cause went against everything they believed in. During their brief time together Han had made it clear he didn't care for politics or the mysticism of the force. And from her observations, general Organa proved to be nothing like a princess from a fairy tale; she was commanding, stubborn, a fierce politician and an even fiercer woman. Even though the general also had her gentler side, she cared about the force only as far as it could be useful to the Resistance, that much was clear. But she was noble and fair, fought for justice and freedom, craved democracy and a tyranny-free galaxy. So what had driven their son to get behind the mask of Kylo Ren? How could he be so different from all of his noble and good family? She shouldn't' care. It mattered not. She had to consider him like this now, the leader of the knights of Ren, her prime enemy. The murderer of Han. She knew he was alive somehow…she had done it...she had healed him. The guilty memories of their last encounter were pushed further in.

Thus Leia had sent her to seek training and guidance that she herself could not offer. The tiny strong woman hadn't asked much of Rey but a chance to see her brother again. The Resistance needed his help. Rey had promised to do her best. She had bid a hurried goodbye to Finn and Poe, hugged BB8 and departed with Chewie taking the main seat of the Millennium Falcon.

She could not forget their first encounter.

She had been stupidly excited about the idea of meeting Luke Skywalker. Of learning from him about her purpose, about the force. Of meeting the living legend! His sister and the Resistance firmly believed she could convince the elusive last Jedi to return back and join their fight. That he must have left his coordinates hidden because he could not go back himself for some serious reason. Rey huffed at that now. How mistaken they all were. How naive she had been.

She had run up the winding path of the mossy island, being on this new planet filled her with energy, with hope. Chewie had decided to wait at the foot of the hill not ready to face his old friend just yet. As she reached the top, trembling with anxiety, she saw him, she knew it was him, felt a mysterious force pull around his strong presence. His beige silhouette observing the ocean. As he turned and removed his hood she looked into a pair of icy eyes piercing her inside out. She glimpsed the glint of his mechanical hand. Closing her gaping mouth not knowing how to begin, she handed the saber to him.

The warm robed Jedi kept observing her for what seemed like eternity. Rey kept her gaze though she felt her knees weak from this stare.

“ So my sister finally found out my sanctuary. Did she send you girl?” his deep baritone resonated over the barren hilltop.

Rey was so transfixed of being in the presence of the fabled man that she barely managed to get her words in order “ I, uh, yes. It is an honor mister um, sir, Skywalker.”

He ignored her stretched out hand turning his back on her “ Tell her there was a reason why I left. I do not wish to be disturbed. You have wasted your time girl, go back to where you came from”

Rey felt like someone slapped her across the face, barely registering what she heard. How...what...

“But sir, you can't...this sword...saber belongs to you, I found it...at Maz Kanata's castle. I did use it once though, I believe it is yours” she furrowed her brow, wondering about the absurdity of this exchange.

The robed man's only response was the slight hunch of his shoulders. “ Give it back to Maz then. I have no need for it here.”

Was it only her or was the great beloved by the entire galaxy hero acting like a child?!

“Listen now mister Jedi Luke or whatever you call yourself nowadays, I came all the way here, traveled through Stars only know how many systems, using a map put together by the efforts of the entire Resistance. Through efforts of you don't know how many martyrs dying to keep it secret from the Order. Myself I was...well it doesn't matter. But please, your sister and the Resistance sent me to get you back, they need you mister Skywalker. The Order is hitting them hard, much has happened since you were away, soon there won’t be much left of the galaxy to save. You are their only hope!” she almost broke down at the last sentence, her escalating despair catching up to her.

At that he turned around, a flame was flickering in his gaze, reminding her of a certain someone.

“ I am sorry for the loss of so many people, but the whole reason for hiding this information was because it was not meant to be found. I was not meant to be found. As I didn't intend to return until I figured it out... Have they told you nothing, girl? As for the war, there are always wars...always tyrants, always the darkness. Do you know why the Jedi became extinct in the first place? Because they dabbled in politics that's why. They picked sides believing themselves righteous, and those that thought themselves better than the others turned to the dark side. This is the fate of all Jedi...the dark side is always waiting ...at the end...there is no chosen one.”

With such prophetic words he became quiet. As the flame in his blue eye died out so did his form diminish and he seemed more than ever like an old hermit hunched and beaten by life than the great savior he had once been.

Rey felt inexperienced and lost then. What was he talking about? What was she thinking coming all the way here, as if this strange man would listen to anything she had to say, why didn't his sister or friends come instead? Why was she here? She found the answer as her frustration erupted.

“ I do not know anything about any prophecies or wars of the past. All I know is that I am Rey. A scavenger from Jaaku, I never knew my family so I do not understand what you have been through with yours... All I know is I am now somehow a part of this and ...they sent me because I have this thing in me, this power...this force. And if anything, I need answers from the only person I know who can give them. Can you...please help me understand this power I have.”

The man locked her gaze with sharp eyes. He stood like this, rooted like a tree,becoming one with the grass and rocks. But Rey stood her ground, her ignorance pushed away by her innate stubbornness. Two could play that game. She came here for answers and she would get them, it was the least she could do for herself if not for Leia.

Then she felt a twinge in the air before she was being pushed back by an invisible force, falling on her bottom on the moss.

“Ouch!” she yelped

“A mysterious power you say?Where is it? Why don't you show me then?” he replied still rooted at his spot.

Rey felt stupid again but stood up proudly and tried to find this warm feeling inside, the one she had reached only twice before. She closed her eyes and focused. She felt something, a link to something, like a tunnel in her throat. She tried to follow it as she suddenly found herself seeing through a dark hall, the stink of blood and rot gagging her, a red glow sizzling her skin. She shrieked and backed out.

She was trembling, the saber now fallen to the ground as she took deep breaths. The Jedi was suddenly by her side reaching for her forehead. She felt a rolling gentle calm take over as her shivers died away.

“We have much to discuss girl” was the last thing he said before she noticed the lush grass behind him burned to unrecognizable dark ash.


	7. The Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally had some ideas about the dynamic between those two. Next chapter will be The dream! And we will meet Kylo again :D All comments and feedback are welcome. It makes me happy to know people are reading my story, as I read your comments :) Now beta-tested by my wonderful friend G.L!

Rey's hands were still shaking as Luke returned from meeting with Chewie. She had followed him silently to the other side of the island, to a crumbling stone cottage where he left her sitting by a fire. She had waited patiently since, a million questions swarming her mind. What had she done to that grass? 

As the two approached she noticed a difference in the old Jedi's appearance. His eyes had sunken further, the lines of his face carved in, his shoulders slumped. Chewie had told him.

The wookie lifted her in a hug as he bid her a sudden goodbye. He had no more business here, he said, he was leaving her in Luke's hands. The Jedi replied before Rey could react.

" Take her with you Chewie, she doesn't belong here, she is too unstable." He turned to her "Forget the force girl. Go and live your life." 

Chewie roared in indignation as Rey closed her fists and demanded " You said we would talk, I want to talk, now."

Luke only looked up at his old friend, ignoring her again.

Chewie became angry and demanded why. He went on saying all those nice things about Rey, which made her warm inside, and implored Luke in his own way to at least help her since he refused to help the rest of them.

But Luke was adamant and simply patted his friend's furry arm as he retreated inside the hut. 

Thus Rey and Chewie parted, the wookie taking the Falcon and promising to return in a month to check up on her since Rey was as determined to be staying here as Luke was to push her away. She didn't have much choice. There weren't a whole lot of force sensitive creatures left in the universe and she only knew this one, possibly the strongest one to ever grace the galaxy. She had also been shaken after what had happened on the hill. She was scared now, and desperately needed answers.

He had wanted to talk to her after the incident; surely she could convince him again. He would soon discover that Rey the scavenger didn't give up, she could survive anything: the lack of amenities, food, even loneliness. 

After Chewie left, Rey began a strange new routine, setting her goal on convincing the Jedi to train her. She didn't want to snoop around too much but she had no choice but to observe Luke as he accomplished his everyday tasks. She needed to find out about him, about his reason to stay here. And answers she found the next week, in the early hours, hoping to go unnoticed when he hurried inside the cave next to the hut. Rey had not been sleeping though and followed his every step, trying to be quiet but certain he knew she was there. They walked through a lush underwater tunnel, emerging magically through a cavern on what looked like a different island. Rey was taken aback by the wild beauty of it, as they were climbing on muddy winding pathways. Then her gaze fell upon something around the next corner. The structure was well hidden in an alcove, the rocky island embracing it on three sides, the last one opening up to the ocean floor. That's why she hadn't noticed it from above! It was a crumbling ruin now but it must have been spectacular millennia ago. Soft curved walls and wooden squared gateways were dipped in the most transparent water Rey had ever seen. Numerous stairways led to nowhere but the abyss of turquoise. It was a crystalline vision of monumental proportions. Wood water and stone intertwined in such harmony it made her heart swell. It wasn't only the discovery of such an incredible hidden secret that made the tips of her fingers tingle, though the place called to her, but an encompassing feeling of belonging as they entered. Luke continued with his silent treatment but she didn't mind him, this place...it meant something, it was connected to the force. There wasn't much to see inside unfortunately since the water had eaten away room divisions and furniture. Everything in the complex but the walls must had been wooden since she found some rotting pieces here and there. She wondered what the old Jedi could seek in such an abandoned ruin. They ventured in further, and she realised that the structure must go deep inside the hill, as Luke did something with the force and a passageway caved in. They climbed up some well preserved stairs coming into a light flooded hall. There was no decay here, but brightly lit gigantic rows of... There were so many, so many of them! Cutout windows in the rock walls drew light shapes over the shelves. Rey was itching to touch them but was scared the age-old objects would crumble to ash. This was the first time she had seen so many in once place… Was her tiny collection on Jaaku still where she left it? Luke proceeded to a far corner picking one up; he seemed to know the place by heart.

And no wonder, Rey imagined this room must have kept him occupied through all his years in exile. There must be something here that he needed to find here, in this strange library. He was already leaving as she quickly snatched a volume in what she hoped was basic and hurried behind him.

Later on while Luke was preparing some fish outside, she had holed up in the cavern and started reading intently. She should have though twice on her choice of literature as she tried to practice what she read in that first book. It had been basic indeed. Her delight at the discovery, that the volume contained detailed descriptions of force manipulation techniques, was thrilling. 

The technique described said to channel the force and shape it into a bright light, a lighting of sorts. She tried to picture it again. The force. The imaginary tunnel in her moved the energy through sunbathed fields but it went on and on and she couldn't stop it, it led her further in reaching a dark dead end. The familiar rage and despair closed in around her like pure gravity. She couldn't breathe, her throat was in a knot, she had to push it away; she pushed with all she had. The light faded.

She woke curled up, staring at the fire. It was dark. What happened? Her hands were hurting like hell. Her stomach was growling, when was the last time she ate? She shrugged off the thin blanket covering her as she heard a familiar deep voice:

" Were you trying to kill yourself or attempting to destroy me?"

Rey was so startled to hear another's speech again that she clutched the blanket. Ugh!

She stifled her grunt at the feeling of charred skin. It still wasn't as bad as the time that shield field exploded as she pulled it out of a ship carcass. That thought didn't lessen the pain.

" This is what happens when you attempt things you know nothing about. What you did was ridiculously dangerous, not only you could have torn your hands off but you could have aimed it at me and burn the whole hill! Chewie wasn't joking; you are a stubborn one...reckless and stubborn. Maybe that's why he and Han took to you." The Jedi trailed off as he threw her a small pot that she gingerly caught.

Rey proceeded by applying the salve as she retorted angrily "Maybe if you taught me how to do it, this wouldn't have happened! Please Luke, I know you are waiting for me to give up and leave, but I won't. I will stay until you teach me, until you show me the proper way. I don't know how to do it, every time I concentrate this dark tunnel pulls me in until there is nothing else. I don't want.. I don't want to end up like him...like your nephew." 

Frustration was welling up in her and she felt the force stirring again, but refused to let it take over. Luke was silent, staring at the fire digesting her words, tasting the bitterness in them.

" Chewie told me you have met him. Ben. Or at least that was how we called him before. But how you defeated him or thought you did, girl, is not the right way. As I said the first time, the force corrupts; the more you posses of it, the stronger the pull to the dark is. The anger in you, the force you have is too much, I can feel it, and it has already rendered you untreatable. He was much younger when I lost him to the dark, what makes you think you will fare better?" he studied her thoroughly with his fire lit eyes but continued " Yet, the fact remains you are still here, you haven't succumbed yet, if you don't seek it, if you stop using it, you may go on with your life and maybe even have a happy one. Look at me, at Leia, at Ben and even Vader...is that the kind of life you want girl? Once upon a time I had no choice, now I am giving you one. Choose!"

Rey thought for a moment, but she knew, this quest, all she had been through to get here must be for a reason. " I choose the force. Now that I have it, it is a part of me. I never had anything of mine, I was a no-one. I know I am too old and untrained and maybe the darkness will take over and I may die, but I can promise you I will fight it until my last breath. And my name is Rey, Jedi Skywalker"

Luke sighted "Fine then, Rey. From now on you are my last padawan. And I will be your master, master Luke. I will train you to the best of my knowledge in the Jedi arts. Do not expect much in terms of ever becoming one, yet I will not let you fall into the darkness."

He looked hopeless at those last words, but she would make him care, she would make him believe in her, she would.

Easier said than done, Rey remembered. The mythical warrior had turned into a reclusive hermit that wanted nothing to do with the rest of humanity, lest of all go back to reality, back to teaching. He was a broken man, his past crushing him, blaming himself for the turning of his nephew, the transformation of Ben Solo to Kylo Ren, the Jedi killer.

In the following days Luke had decided to share a recounting of that dreadful night.

She couldn't wrap her mind about it, what kind of family, what kind of nephew would do this. Abandoning them, hurting them again and again. What he did to Luke ....to those children...she had to hold herself close as to not lose her sanity. And her...believing there was good in him once, that he might care. She struggled day and night with those thoughts. She couldn't keep them away anymore. She was going over every memory of him during the endless hours spent on the desolate island. 

The island- it had been beautiful, almost like in her dream, the quiet ocean kissing the curvy pieces of earth protruding from its bosom. It rained a lot on Ahch-To...and few things could compare to water falling from the sky, to those moments in Rey's limited experience of the world. This water giving life to the planet, it was giving life to her, so wet and abundant, so exquisite, like a gift from the stars. The planet was infinitely silent though, the only two inhabitants barely exchanging a word outside of training. She was well used to the silence, the empty desert her only eternal companion. Now it was simply replaced by Ahch-To's vast green oceans. She couldn't get rid of the feeling of having been here before. Maybe it came from her dreams where she sailed with her imaginary mother and father over silent waters. When darkness crept she would sit down on the high cliff closing her eyes, listening to the splashing waves and wishing she had someone to share those moments with.

Her new master had accommodated her in the cave where there was a hidden chamber carved in smooth by a powerful force user, eons ago. It was small and had no furniture but some rugs and scraps along with the rations and tools she bought with her. It was perfect in Rey's eyes, this much space just for her, with her tools she could tinker something and maybe use some books she could borrow from the temple. A splitting smile had dawned on her face then.

The awaited training began after she finally managed to get some guidance for her newfound powers. It was hard to convince Master Luke to look into her mind; he had considered her with heavy doubt at every step. He hadn't trusted her then and he still didn't, she was sure. He never voiced it out loud since the first time he told her about her power. There was no need and maybe it was better that way. His doubts would only be confirmed if he knew what she had done.. He didn't speak much as it was during the next weeks, apart from the occasional mystical rhymes in reverse that she never quite understood.

'' Put your trust in the force you will’’ or ''Eradicate all emotions you shall.'' Where had he learnt these phrases from?

It wasn't the training she imagined either. She had trained on Starship Graveyard, taught herself with her makeshift staff, away from prying scavengers and Unkar Plutt's thugs. She had learnt from early age, quickly realising defending herself against the merciless residents and visitors was the only way of survival. Before she had become efficient enough though, more often than she liked to remember, she had suffered from her weakness. On Jakku, fighting held no rules, no codes of honour. Countless times she was almost killed, kidnapped, sold as a slave, violated. And that only from the living threats, nature was even more unforgiving for a scavenger. You either survived or you perished.

Jedi training was nothing but order though and Rey found herself completely unprepared. Every morning, Master Luke, as he insisted she address him, would rouse her and rush her through breakfast. Then he would make his new padawan meditate for hours while she was practicing basic levitation and manipulation exercises. All of these mental tasks went on until utter exhaustion. They ate grilled fish around the small fire at night, her fidgeting with something to say, him stoic as a temple stone. She still had so many questions about the force that he kept evading. The control of the force was the most important thing in his view. Learning the force in all its details, the light of it, the peace of it, how it fit in the universe, this was the essential. Strong emotions were a disturbance. Their fighting training was rare and kept to minimal, whenever it happened they worked on purely defensive techniques. Rey realized he didn't show her anything dangerous on purpose. Not only because he didn't trust her but because of something he admitted once:

'' The force has never brought anything but misery to my family, padawan... Its purpose is to bring balance and goodness but it contains in itself the power to corrupt. Human emotions are the cause. The one seeking this power and strength to defeat its enemies will eventually get corrupted. And I won’t let this happen to you. Not to you.''

A month passed by like this. Meditating and manipulating the force, learning how to defend herself, how to control the urge, control her emotions. It was good, she felt more in control of the force than in the start; there was no more accidental scorching of the surroundings. Despite that, late at night, when her master was asleep, she would sneak to the bottom of the island. She would read about fighting techniques and try them out with the practice saber. She was too scared to use the one she returned, Darth Vader's. She wasn't sure if he knew or not, he always seemed to know it all, studying her often with his keen blue eyes.. She had been getting some of those books from the forbidden temple. The Temple is sacred, he had preached, only trained Jedis can access it and its knowledge, it is forbidden to a padawan like yourself. 

It was cute he thought his words would stop a seasoned scrap picker like Rey. Her innate curiosity was much too strong. Every time she would ask him why they never fought, why she couldn't visit the Temple, he would shake his head, bring up her impatience and ignore her. But Rey just couldn't take it anymore. She felt left out, empty. This rudimentary knowledge was not enough for her. She needed to know not only how to defend herself, but also how to fight when the need arose, to protect her friends...This power was given to her by the stars, and there had to be a reason why. She had to explore the utility of this force, like a motor that had to be pushed to test its limit, she couldn't let it sleep inside her, she had to find it a good use. 

It had seemed so pointless at that point, as if Luke didn't know what to make of her but to keep her meditating and flying things around. She had felt happy in the beginning, full of expectations, only to be treated like a child being pushed in learning on her own again. She had wondered often why she had stayed. Probably because this reclusive, mistrusting man, the last Jedi, this hero who had once brought down the Empire, who had killed the evil Darth Vader, was the only one who could instruct her. Because sometimes she would look at the lines around his mouth and be reminded that he once must have been a happier man. 

She was so terrified of the force though. The more she read about it, the more she was scared of its potential and what it meant for her, so scared of misusing it. It made her so lonely. Rey needed trust, guidance, explanation, company, and she probably must have been seeking another father figure, she thought bitterly. But those were wishful fantasies. Luke didn't trust her, he only feared her. Few had believed in her throughout her life and with those powers even fewer would. People feared what they knew not, that which was different, stronger than them. It must be meant for Rey to be an outsider. Neglected and left aside, scavenging for bits and pieces of affection wherever she could find them. Maybe that was why her family had left her...because of that power. Even her only fellow force user, her teacher, couldn't be bothered to care about her. She felt abandoned. 

She would have left then and maybe never see him again. She had been ready to leave with Chewie once he returned, disregarding her futile training, join the Resistance efforts as a pilot like Poe. She would have rather spent her time among the Resistance with Chewbacca and Finn and Poe, and even Leia. But there were those moments when her loneliness subsided, when she found herself. She never wanted them to stop even if it meant staying. Those moments, in her dreams.


	8. The Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thank you for the great feedback and kudos! Hope you like this chapter as I loooved writing it- some Reylo action :D Your comments motivate me and keep me writing, please feel free to review! Thanks to my dear friend G.L for her beta-ing! :)

She had been standing on a high cliff again, but this time instead of the pristine oceans of Ahch-to she had been staring over an expanse of inky rivers crisscrossing shattered chunks of rocky landscape. Next to an impossibly high mountain wall, encompassing it all, stood some kind of an intricate construction, pale domes stairs and pillars. It looked ancient and unlike anything she had ever imagined. It looked nothing like the bright Jedi Temple. Hard contrasted red light was coming from everywhere and nowhere, night was definitely the eternal state in this gloomy prison. For how else would one call such a place? It smelled of sulphur and humidity. The air was oppressing, it pushed like a permanent weight on her shoulders. Why was she here? Was this a new nightmare. Curiosity gnawed at her as to the purpose of the hidden buildings in this strange world. The next time she blinked, she suddenly appeared right in front of them, standing on the main entrance, as if magically transported. It must be a dream then surely... From up close the building complex looked even scarier, greying stone walls of immeasurable proportions, no inscriptions or signs, no vegetation, no life. Impenetrable darkness was the only thing gaping through the openings. Even though this place creeped her out, Rey felt a strong pull to enter. As she walked in, the darkness swallowed her form. The next part of the dream was a strange mix of dread and cold as she tiptoed over stone hallways, passing by torn draperies and empty rooms. Everything here was dead. But there must be someone living, she felt it, the force was pulling her forward and deeper in.

The further she walked down the corridors the more she felt observed. Dark shadows were creeping through her mental walls. Voices whispered everything she wanted to hear, sweet promises. ''You are her...So strong!" " You will no longer be alone Rey...". Who was that? They hushed. Her head was pounding. She was spinning around but there was no one. They were gone.

Then she stopped still. Around the corner in one of the halls she could sense someone or something. Before she peeked, Rey knew. He was there. All swirling black fabric and red swiping blade passing in between the colonnades. As she hid behind one of the pillars he stopped, turned off his saber. But he hadn't noticed her yet as he promptly removed the layers of tunics and cloaks he was wearing. Black tank top and suspended leather trousers revealed underneath. His gloved hands ran through his sweaty hair, the white pale skin cutting his silhouette against the misty hall. There was no sign from the wounds she had inflicted on him. He looked tired and focused. Then he continued what she realised was some form of training. Slow swipes followed by sharp strikes with his blade. The power behind was palpable in the thick air. How could he move like the wind but fall down like a thunder. The poses he took in between were so feral and elegant, a contradiction. An impossibly beautiful dance of death. Her eyes were gliding to the muscles on his back flexing...his forearms tensing... It was too much. Too much grace for a human to possess. Without knowing why, she turned around pressing her back against the cold column, staring at her feet, feeling self conscious. Her breathing was laboured, her heart thumping. Her fingers were gripping her garments. A white robe? What was this dream! Why would she see him like...this. Usually dreams would dissipate sooner or later, but this one remained. She wasn't scared of him in this place. He didn't seem to notice her. There was no dreamlike fuzziness around the edges either. Her enemy seemed to be real, standing but a couple of meters from her, training undisturbed.

As she calmed down she decided to take a last glance at him before waking up. This dream had lasted long enough. It was...strange, inappropriate. This was her sworn enemy, and this was the first time she had dreamt of him since their last battle. Wasn't it supposed to be more violent, like them dueling to the death rather than..She felt like invading on something private, as ridiculous as it sounded. Invading on her enemy's privacy, ha!

A heavy blow was suddenly slammed next to her head. Rey jumped, clinching her eyes from the impact, too startled to react. Okay, now was a good time to wake up...wake up...come on Rey. This was but a nightmare! Instead she opened her lids to the angry maskless face of Kylo Ren. His lips were shut in a thin line. His statuesque figure standing in her way, too close for comfort. 

''What are you doing here?'' he demanded behind his teeth.

Rey was too petrified at the realisation that she was still here, what kind of dream was that? She had to act quickly. Rey tried to remember her training, stay calm, banish the fear and expel the emotions. Push with the force. She was a fighter. She would fight back.

She extended her arm, force pushing with all her strength, but the knight of Ren only made an annoyed grimace and took a step back. It didn't work! Rey could not reconcile this fear of him with her usual courage. Why did this disgusting murderer have such an effect on her, how did she always end up feeling like his prey. After seeing how he easily controlled his power, she just could not pretend anymore, it was clear her previous victory over him was pure luck. She was nowhere as capable as him. Far from it.

'' You! I asked what are you doing here!'' he sounded more confused this time.

Rey stumbled for words. How would she know!

''Stay away!'' she intended to sound intimidating but ended up stuttering '' I don't know..And you? What is this place?''

He ignored her and started pacing with his typical long stride, his arms away, his fists clutched at his sides. It was so strange to see Kylo Ren like this without the heavy armour, without the iron mask. It didn't seem like she had much choice but to stay here with this lunatic, until she could find a way to break this nightmare. She listened carefully to his muttering. It seemed as if he was talking to someone.

''Thats it! Yes! You are right..this is my last test then. My last punishment. I won't disappoint you master.''

The darksider turned his shadow casted brown eyes to her, delving into the creases of her soul. 

''You! You did this to me. Filthy Jedi scum. I will defeat you once and for all. You shall not stray me any longer. Your light is weak and I will snuff it out.'' 

He charged at her at full speed, her old instincts the only thing saving her from being cleaved in half. As she stumbled on the side, Rey found out she was not in her usual garb, but instead was wearing a long white dress of sorts, too thin and delicate, completely inappropriate for what was shaping out to be a deadly fight with a madman. Rey had no weapon, no shoes and no way to wake up from this illusion. It was a dangerous situation to be in, her calculative side suggested. Good thing she had survived alone for all her life, her self-preservation skills the only sharp edge she possessed. 

The dark knight attacked her again, Rey twisted and jumped, doing everything she could to evade his blazing blade. She had to manoeuvre like crazy, utilise all her acrobatic skills to not be chopped to pieces. The cyclone of red flames was unstoppable though. She had no choice. She had to run. Try to gain time, to make out a plan of escaping this place. How could she turn this around? She wished so hard for his saber to just fly away, so she can have a chance at least, at fighting him hand to hand. He was clearly out of his mind. Talking to himself like that. She was panting, concentrating hard on making his blade disappear while evading his attacks.

They were deep in the hall now, columns surrounding them, the temple their only witness. The fog was thickening. He had pushed her towards the middle where a black stone pedestal arose. Rey was breathing hard, but kept on concentrating, raising her arm.  
As Ren came close, aiming to pierce her chest, his blade suddenly flew away in the fog. Rey opened her eyes wide, smiling. She did it! Now...how to stop her insane enemy from killing her in her dream.

'' Hey, wait...wait! What is this! This is unfair you crazy bastard! You could at least fight me on par with or without weapons. First tell me what is this place!'' she shouted her voice echoing in the empty chamber.

Kylo Ren stopped a few feet away, staring at his hand, where his blade was a second ago.

'' The temptation speaks. This is my nightmare, this is my test. Nothing you say will save your little spirit. Nothing you can do. I will kill you with my bare hands!'' his gaze was burning holes in her with his fury.

Rey trembled. He was mad! Mad! But at least he wasn't attacking again. This gave her an idea.

''Yeah! Like you killed me with your bare hands last time? I seem to remember something else. You letting me live! You lying on the ground defeated by ME Kylo Ren! I may not have a sword now but I will beat you again. You are nothing but a coward. Where is your mask, oh great one? Or you only need it when you are killing your family and friends?'' Rey's voice was trembling with rage. The blame she felt resurrected along with the memories of everything he had inflicted on her.

He growled his fists clenching so hard she swore he would draw blood.

''Bitch! What do you know about me, you are nothing but an illusion. You represent the light in me that will be snuffed away. My goal is to continue his legacy; there is no place for distractions. Family...emotions... sidetracking, to be removed. You did not defeat me! It was my weakness...the pull to the light..''

'' I am no illusion you psycho! This light you speak of... I am not your light, I am not some good soul that is tempting your madness. I have lived through nightmares you know nothing about, you and your cozy life. What you have done...it is unforgivable. The weakness you feel must be the dirty guilt of your own consciousness, if a monster like you even possesses such a thing. Why am I even talking to you, you are obviously as mad as a lizard dying of thirst. Stars only know why I dream of a crazy bastard like you! You are stark mad...you are!''

Kylo Ren continued glaring at her, his muttering dying off in the silence. The only sound in the chamber their heavy breathing. Rey rubbed her naked arms with her fingers; she was freezing. She was exhausted from this. Why couldn't she just wake up! This man was driving her as mad as he was. She just wanted to strangle him! It would solve nothing though; this was naught but a nightmare born in her worn-out mind. He was naught but another ghost of her past, terrorizing her. This dream must be revealing her inner turmoil about this man, about their encounters. Why couldn't she just feel the hatred and thirst for revenge that he felt or the calm and peace master Luke taught her? Instead, she just...stayed there...arguing with him.

He growled in reply  
'' I am not mad! Shut up! You are not real. I will prove it. By destroying you, wench!''

He started advancing on her, a murderous look in his clouded eyes. She walked backwards, her naked feet dragging across the rough stones. Suddenly realising there was nowhere to go in an empty temple, she turned around and ran as fast as she could. Like the prey she had turned into again. Running in the fog, further and further until she hid behind a large column. She just could not fight this ghost, not in this dress, she couldn't even tear it apart from fear the knight would hear her. She pinched her arm trying to force the real world to reappear. Rey was panicking. Why was she still here, why did it feel so real? 

''Don't hide from me, light.'' He spoke softly from somewhere, his silky timbre sending shivers all over her. 

As she tried to listen for his footsteps, her forearm was suddenly grabbed from her right side and she was pulled violently out of the hideout. She cried out. His grip was vicelike. The leather so cold on her skin. He dragged her unceremoniously towards the pedestal. Climbing the stairs to the top.

Rey was too stunned to do anything. How had he found her so quickly! She started struggling when he shoved her to her knees next to the pedestal. He grabbed her hair and pushed her head on the flat surface. Then he closed his eyes summoning his lightsaber in his open palm. As it flew over, he ignited it, its crackling light reflecting in his wild eyes.

''Suffer now!'' he bellowed, bringing the blade down to her neck. Rey had no time to react this time, she squinted her eyes shut. So this is how her nightmare ended. With her defeat. Her heart was pounding but she felt nothing, no pain. That was it then. She was relieved to finally wake up. Opening her eyes she expected seeing the bright sun from the window of her cavern, hearing the calm ocean waves and her master's voice calling her. 

Instead, she heard his voice cracking:  
''Why...why... can't I kill this... this weakness, why can't I smother it! Why do you haunt me! What have you done to me!''

Rey opened her eyes to his form towering above her. He was shaking, grimacing but his features were turning to stone, his eyes staring through her. Why...what...if this was not a dream what was it! Was this really him here? Was this some kind of torture he put her through to get to her mind? How could that be done, through the galaxies, through the boundless space? It was yet another torture session as bizarre as it was...? She slowly stood up, standing tall in front of him. She would make him tell her. 

''Kylo...Ren? Is this you? Is this real.. Why are you in my dream?'' she spoke quietly. His temper could explode at any moment. She was further puzzled from his actions...he spared her again. As he stood silent, she drowned in his stare, hooked again, powerless before the ocean of pain and confusion that existed beyond. There were sparkles of something bright in those pools. It was magnetic; she reached to touch his arm, to get some sign of life from this mystery of a man.

He grabbed her wrist before she could reach him, then took a step forward. She retreated. The back of her legs bumped against the stone behind, she could not back up any further. Ren grabbed her by the waist with both hands and hauled her on the sleek black surface, her behind sliding back. Her knees straddling him. He leaned down, took one last desperate look at her and smashed his lips against hers.

Rey lost all of her logic. As if her body had only been waiting for that moment, goose bumps started all over her skin, flushing heat spreading. Her arms moved up on their own over the uncovered skin of his forearms reaching his shoulders, getting a sense of his muscles. Her mouth was wide open accepting the tongue that was taking possession of her. Her own was licking his sweet lips, pulling, biting and caressing. Their lips just couldn't get enough of each other. He was ferocious, unstoppable. It will never be enough, she had no more breath but it didn't matter. His lips were so plump, so delicious, intoxicating. His skin was burning under her touch, so smooth, so firm. His body was over her, his hands gripping her waist painfully, trying to keep her in place. She would have none of that, her bare feet pulled him forward flushing them impossibly closer, trying to merge their gasping bodies together. When he finally pulled away, panting, his cheeks were slightly flushed over the pale beauty marks, his gaze hazed with lust. She was no better shaking from unnamed desires. Then as realisation slowly dawned on them, Rey soothed her shaken brain by repeating it was only a crazy dream. His grip on her waist relaxed, his fingers moving up and down her sides, testing if she was real. His eyes were wide with stupefaction.

''But this is my dream...'' he uttered.

Rey gasped, rolling from her cot on the dirt of her room. Bright sunshine was flooding from outside. Her heart was beating mad, ready to implode. She touched her lips. They tasted like darkness.


	9. The Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! I don't want to give excuses but I am kinda busy with life and work and classes right now. I promise to write some stuff soon though. I am still wondering what will happen to them next, so any ideas are welcome. Thank you for reviewing it means so much to me!

Stars be blasted! Damned be the day he met the scavenger. This filthy, little, blabber mouth… cunning, rosy cheeked, lightly tanned..Argg! Why couldn’t he get her out of his mind! Stars be damned! He was ready to rain destruction upon the unsuspecting Finalizer and its personnel for the nth time. He had been known to use this method as a much needed outlet. It was tolerated by his master but terrified everyone else in the Order. Ever since he got patched up by the medics he was raging out too frequently, even by his own standards. It had been more than a week since the events on Star Killer. Thus he was left with nothing to do but reflect upon his bad performance. It was her fault. This scavenger standing in his way on every turn, ruining the First Order's plans, master Snoke's plans. Resisting the mind probe, escaping him and then wounding him using his own grandfather's saber, damn her. He had been overconfident, neglecting her potential, even when realizing it trying to get her on their side. He was a fool; he should have just cut her in half. But the worst by far was the healing, yes. Kylo struggled to understand why. He had the outline of a faint scar as a reminder. That moment joining the other inexplicable actions of his in her regard, locked behind a door in his mind. Truth be told, he could have ended her there as well but...No! No point in continuing this senseless loop. She had only healed him to spite him; to prove how much better she was, or maybe expecting a better revenge later on for her fallen friends. Ha, what an idiot! Stupid bitch. She had only won because of his wounds and weakness to the light. The next time they meet she wouldn’t be so lucky.

But his orders were to bring her preferably alive. His master considered trying to draw her to the dark. They couldn't afford to let her be trained under the light, to become another Jedi. All of those cursed light warrior scum were to be obliterated by him, the renowned Jedi Killer, and by his group the knights of Ren. She was just another one of them, another enemy to convince to join the Order or to eliminate. The scavenger inhabited his thoughts because she was a problem to solve, an enemy to figure out. He simply needed to analyse the girl, find her weakness, exploit it and defeat her once and for all. He had done this with hundreds, tortured and extracted everything he needed out of them, she was just a more resilient specimen to convince. His master would praise him soon, no more failures. His goal to destroy the chaos in the universe and bring order back would be a step closer.

But ever since he met this wench, ever since word got out of how he got rescued from the detonated Star Killer, his status was declining. Kylo Ren rescued, by Hux no less! To be humiliated like this, his pride could not take it. It had been shameful to the point of no return. His disappointed master had made it clear he had screwed up, showing little mercy for this failure. 

" Kylo Ren, my only apprentice, my very best... A fool! You have betrayed my trust in your strength. For you to let a little wimp of a girl, just awakened in the force, escape and defeat you. This has been the light influence on you, this compassion. You should have brought her here. Now it is too late. She will go to your uncle...she will be converted to the Jedi cult. Go to the temple and reflect on your mistakes. Return after your mind has been purified from this inherent light. Do not return before you are ready to fulfill your mission. Do not forget I am the only one who understands you, the one who made you who you are, my apprentice. Do not disappoint your master again." His words were harsh but just, and Kylo obeyed like he always did. Further "training" was needed so he took his shuttle, went back to the temple, accepting his punishment as he always did.

Even there Ren had to grit his teeth at the memories of the last weeks passed in the Dark Temple on Moraband. The dark energy was born here, no light could survive it, so Snoke had ordered to eradicate this remaining part of him that was blocking his advancement, once and for all. He had been there so many times in the past it had become almost a second home, albeit a very dark, empty and unforgiving home. The temple had existed long before any Sith had been buried on its sacred ground, the whole planet pulsing with the dark energy of the force. It had served many of the very best force-users, including Darth Vader, as a training ground, a place for knowledge, collecting power, a place for pilgrimage and focus. The planet was uninhabited; its climate and essence had killed all life long ago. The temple was built in an underground grotto, artificial systems not even Snoke understood, supporting the structure. There was no one there but shades of shadows, the loneliness serving to rid one's need for companionship. As any emotion was considered a hindrance to progress in the dark arts. While he was just starting, still a youngster, he didn't understand why it had to be so painful, the training, his head had hurt so much. Even though he had been surrounded by the future fellow knights, there had been no companionship, only survival bend on constant competition. The darkness tested one's resolve through different methods, sometimes physical most times not. Sometimes victims were brought for this purpose, to experiment the apprentice's acquired skills. Skills with mind control, force choke, lighting and others. The floors were stained with the blood of thousands. The heart was trained to feel nothing. Thus power was obtained. 

This time he spent in the temple reminded him of those long ago trials, when he first pledged to the dark side ...this failure being his gravest yet. The spirits knew how to inflict the appropriate punishment. And they didn't make him wait this time.

The ancient sith phantoms had began whispering of his deficiency the moment he stepped foot inside. They were never stopping, never ending. Goading him and seducing him, reminding him of the reasons why he betrayed all of those in his past, why he became who he is.

'' You have abandoned your old self, you have murdered your own father, you have murdered your own comrades, killed hundreds, tortured so many.'' they repeated day and night.

He had suffered atrociously as he did in his past stays. Countless physical and mind tortures leaving him an empty shell, a recipient of the darkness that was seeping through his every cell, leaving him dead inside. All the remaining light had to be expulsed. That was the only way to obtain untainted power. It was all for the best, he tried to convince himself. Emotions were a weakness, turned one into a reckless imbecile. He had whipped his soul into submission, reining the wild firestorm raging inside. The murder of his father, Ren was sure, had helped immensely. He could feel intensely more powerful. He had to sever the pull to the other side, his compassion for those that turned their backs on him, his pity and fascination with the girl. He was convinced he had removed all those sentiments long ago, dragging them out with his bleeding fingertips. He was convinced the only remnants were those of rage, of hatred, the thirst for revenge and desire for power.

Thus thinking, accompanied by the constant whispers, Kylo Ren had fallen into his usual routine in the central building. Like always it was deadly cold and fogged, but he had learnt to ignore that years ago. He had his small quarters in one of the countless bedrooms, his only furniture a hard stone bed, no blankets or mattress. Some basic rations and drinkable water placed on a table along with his armour, robes, cloak and saber. This was no resort, no luxurious vacation to an exotic planet like the ones his mother used to drag him to. It was not the comfortable life, full of privilege and boredom, the life of his past. In that life he had been the outcast. He didn't miss one bit of it. He was used to this now. The loneliness was nothing new to him and he welcomed it, embraced it like an old friend. One was always alone at the top, which was one useful thing he had learnt from his mother dear. The solitary execution of the countless tasks the spirits gave him helped with his focus. Meditate, remember your faults, remember your victories, learn to channel your hatred. Reclaim the Hate, Hate them all, the light, the people. That's right...the power was there. His body was drained from energy and nutrition, it was pushed to its limits, he had lost weight as usual, but it was worth it. When he was done, late at night, he would either read in the archives or train in the shrine main hall. He felt at ease there, the hall was sacred, the stone pedestal served in the rituals of binding the soul to the dark side. The force was strongest here. He would train every night like this, execute his strikes meticulously and the whispers would let him be. Then he would collapse from exhaustion, sometimes right at the spot. 

But he couldn't overcome her presence even in his dreams and fantasies. His failure facing him every night, every waking moment, the essence of her presence stuck on him. He, the master of mind reading, couldn't control his own.

From time to time he would glimpse bits and pieces of her life. Her face contorted in the effort of concentration, her legs swinging at imaginary opponents, her slender fingers flipping through pages of ancient volumes, too blurry to understand. Her eyes staring at calm green ocean waves. Was this a residue of the mind extraction, he wondered, some old memories of hers remaining behind to tease him of his failure to get the map. Or was this just another torture inflicted by the Sith lords.

That was why he continued to allow those thoughts of her to remain. This was but another test to pass. So he had twisted the essence of her with his hatred, making her appear more and more pathetic, stupid, weak..ugly, no one of real importance. A bug to crush. But night after night the thoughts absorbed into his dreams. In their turn the dreams had become more and more vivid, to the point of reaching almost physical reality. Ren could smell the fire at night, the salty air, could feel the breeze on his cheeks, the sand running through his fingers. He started realising something was amiss when those senses started merging with passing feelings and ideas that were clearly not his. Frustration of feeling ignored, feeling of abandonment, confusion at newfound abilities, determination and longing...for someone, longing for understanding.

One night amidst the dark shadows of insomnia, he had found himself in a fake reflection. He had gotten lost in distorted old memories, with the empty hopes they left. And there he was in his mind tortured yet again by the whispers, trying to drown his doubts away...

He had been training in this dream, turning and kicking and slashing, going through his usual forms. Even there he could not escape the prison that had become the temple. Even his dreams were not his own. It was somehow hazy but he still remembered every detail as if it had happened a moment ago. He was tired, exhausted, burned out yet again, from the endless imaginary combats; he had removed his outer layers wanting to cool the sweat beneath. 

He had sensed someone then. He had run swiftly and punched the column the thing was hiding behind. That was strange, a dream invader, a sith joke?

Stars..it was her. She wore a white long tunic, like the ancients, her hair let down, spilling over her shoulders. He had wanted to glimpse her again just to kill her, but why had she been so...so... enchanting. So wrong for this place, sticking out like a reflection in the night, her light undisturbed by the swallowing gloom that wanted to devour her. She was so young, he realised, barely out of her adolescence, her wide scared eyes haunting him. 

But this was nothing but the test the ghosts had whispered about, so he shook his head in denial. This was not a fantasy, this was an illusion created by the temple, where he had to defeat her, defile her in any way possible. He ignored her questions and pleas, she was not real. She represented the hated light eating him inside. So Kylo Ren had attacked the vision in white, his rage taking over. She was fast, agile, evading him expertly; his dazed eyes couldn't help noticing the movements of her robed body. The creature managed to take away his saber, that was fine. If he had to subdue her with his bare hands he would. He had approached her slowly then, ready to inflict his revenge. She had tried to trick him with her words, arguing, how ridiculous. Her words were sharp and mocking, an elaborate test to his resolve. But she had escaped again, her bare feet barely echoing in the mist, like a scared deer. Ren had listened carefully; she was his prey and he would catch her again. The ghosts must have been watching as he pulled her out of her hideout moments later, dragging her towards the pedestal. That was it, his goal! He had to sacrifice her, like the ones he had seen sacrificed to the darkness on that same shrine. The temple wanted her blood. Then it will be over, this torture would be over. She was helpless, weaponless kneeling beside him, too startled to react. He was grabbing her long hair. She had closed her bright eyes waiting for the inevitable. He only had to swipe down with his saber and it would be over, but something burning him inside stalled his hand. He tried to strike again but couldn’t....couldn’t...he wanted to cry out in frustration. Instead he uttered in despair to his silent torturers:

''Why...why... can't you let me kill this... this weakness, why can't I smother it! Why do you haunt me! What have you done to me!''

The vision rising in front of him had asked quietly then, the most peculiar thing.

''Kylo...Ren? Is this you? Is this real.. Why are you in my dream?''

Why was she not angry...surely she had to taunt him in this test. He had to kill her. He just couldn't stand still anymore. He was lost as to what to do. As to the purpose of this test, he knew he couldn't strike her down. He never could. He had failed. Her hand was reaching for him. This light, this beautiful light. It remained in his dream somehow. She was so innocent, sparkling in front of him and he needed her. He had never needed anything more than her right then. The darkness would drown him otherwise.  
Crashing against her bright surface he broke in a thousand glass shards. He gripped her, wishing her to remain, the only brightness in this prison. He kissed her and drowned in her and in this bizarre reality this mortal enemy of his responded and he had never felt so full of...passion...of emotions he could not name. But the desire to possess her and keep her here remained the most predominant. He could only hold her shapely hips in his hands and seek the warmth on her lips. Kylo was drinking in her brilliant presence. Until his breath was over, he wanted to continue but he took a step back, keeping her close, taking her in. She was still there...staring at him with that delicious lust dazed look. If only she was real.. He tried to remember what the creature said last, something about...her dream...she was asking him, why was he in her dream? What? 

''But this is my dream...'' he pondered aloud still dazed by their actions.

As sudden he had found himself quickly thrown into darkness, a stupor, the warmth suddenly replaced by frigidity, he was lying down where he had fallen asleep some hours ago, staring at the wall.  
Gulping down Kylo Ren had sprinted ungraciously on shaking legs to the archives. Dreams, bonds, force bonds, he had seen that somewhere he knew. His shaky fingers were feverishly browsing the tomes. He piled a dozen of them on a stone table sitting down in the empty library. Reading and rereading the found recordings, searching in frustration through long ago recorded lore in languages he did not speak, he almost tore away the pages in impatience. A tale of the bonded brothers, what is that? Refusing to believe a word of what he saw, he went over the story again and again. 

''A long time ago, two brothers, lived in a far away galaxy. Heirs to the kingdom, the force was strong with them, but their family didn't understand this power and exiled them. The king sent them on impossible tasks hoping to bring about their peril. They had many an adventure, but always returned safely back. Even though they were both strong they were quite different: one was linked to the dark as the other was to the light. Nevertheless, they loved each other, never separating, fighting side by side. When one would fall the other would always catch him. Noting their devotion, the king decided to separate them and sent them in the dungeons to suffer. In their moment of need the brothers forged a force bond, seeking the other's presence. Through their bond they broke their chains, they rebelled and killed the evil king. Thus they became the twin princes of their planet. They continued to defend their people using their combined power. As through the bond they could feel everything the other felt, see what the other saw and know their every secret. Dark and light mattered no more. They fought together as one; no one could stand in their way, as the force was with them redoubled. They shared their visions and dreams in order to connect further. Thus they never quarreled and ruled together in peace and prosperity."

Some notes were scribbled under. "The brothers forged the bond, willingly, seeking deeper understanding of the force, exploiting the tactical advantages it offered. Being able to feel what the other felt, to see what the other saw, taste what the other tasted, smelt and heard. The advantages were obvious. Fighting side by side, becoming a unique undefeated force on the battlefield. "

It said such bonds were created by willing individuals, masters and apprentices, partners, friends, desirous of forging a permanent connection of minds. He kept rereading the same page, the only description of such a phenomenon recorded.

The scribbled note continued '' A copy of the ancient scroll of the Jedis found in the lost Jedi temple. It has been known that the force linked partners, could create illusions and share dreams with each other. How this was achieved remains unknown. Further research required," and finally "However it was noted that the only means of removing this established connection was through the death of one of the bonded."

Kylo sat on the stone bench motionless for hours, his head bent down, gloved fingers clutching the page with a deathlike drip.  
Realisation was painfully slow. Impossible! A bond!


	10. After the Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can apologize all eternity for this long delay, but work and studies even in the summer took over my time. But I never stopped writing. I have the next chapter almost done and a couple of others down the line complete, so I never abandoned don't worry! I am still in love with this plot and obsessed with Reylo :D Also this is the longest chapter I have ever written! Thanks to my amazing friend G. for beta-ing again! Thanks to merbirdgirl for correcting my mistakes!!  
> Please let me know what you think, all constructive criticism is welcome :)

She didn't panic or run this time, she stayed right at the spot she ended up after falling from the cot. Where the end of the dream found her. Her lips were still tingling, her mouth still open. She wiped it with the back of her hand.

What kind of dream was that?! Why on Earth would she dream of such insanity? She has had nightmares before, especially since Starkiller Base, after her training started. But they hadn't been that many and they always involved being chased through endless deserts and forests, on the morning she would remember nothing but the paralyzing fear and helplessness she had felt in the real world.

But this, THIS had never happened before. And it hadn't felt like a dream exactly. She would be lying to herself to say that it had. She remembered everything, to begin with, everything... oh Stars! Everything...

Rey pulled her knees to herself hiding her heated face in between, a childish habit she had sworn to abandon.

No, no, no she hadn’t really... he hadn’t... the kiss... it must have been a hallucination or some kind of manipulation. Yes, that must have been it. He had planted something in her mind that day, she felt it, allowing him to access her thoughts. A plot to discover Luke's location. He and his master... they were calculating bastards.

But as much as she reasoned with herself, the idea just didn’t piece together. Her instincts were telling her otherwise. That this dream didn’t even come from them - the dark users, the Sith impersonators, no they couldn’t possibly be this powerful as to induce life-like visions through space and time. Also, this dream just didn’t make sense. Why would Kylo Ren not notice her, then attack her, be surprised to see her there, try to sacrifice her and then do that... okay enough of that now.

One thing at a time. Think Rey.

So if he didn’t initiate the force vision as the force was clearly involved, who or what did? It couldn’t be... herself could it?

Judging from the sudden flip in her stomach she decided she was on to something there. Was it another outburst of her untrained abilities? Was it the force exhibiting strange phenomena so close to the temple? 

She tried to remember... she had been lonely again, desperate even, to belong, to find someone who understood her. And then, just after falling asleep, she had appeared on that hill staring across the cyclopean marble complex, sinking in its lava-hidden cavernous cocoon. She hadn’t been able to control the environment then, so that wasn’t it. But she did have strange powers like teleporting, and could use the force to some extent, but had been left so powerless still, clothed like she had been: weaponless, barefoot, almost naked. Then she had felt his presence, sought him out, spied on him. She fought her thought process going forward as it kept getting stuck at inappropriate moments, like when he was undressing, swinging and pirouetting, slamming his fist against the column, his gloves on her naked arm, the heat of his gaze, the heat of his mouth.

Oh, why... it was horrible, shameful... why would she remember this, why hadn’t she felt the disgust and hate that befitted. Why hadn’t she pushed him away... She remembered it so clearly still.

What a mess!

Rey just didn’t know enough about the force and her abilities yet to analyze what happened in her usual way. When her speeder broke, she would check the instructions from the electronic databases she had collected from the simulators. But she didn’t know about any of this. She couldn’t solve this puzzle, couldn’t put the pieces together. She needed help.

Luckily there was exactly one other being on the planet knowledgeable enough to be of assistance. But she would rather eat a pile of sand than explain to him how her strange power had made her meet his darksider nephew in a dark force temple. Oh yeah, and how he kissed her out of the blue and... she... she…

She couldn’t even get her own mind to admit to it then, less alone to actually explain it to someone. Particularly someone who happens to be Master Luke. Stars, he would either kill her for conspiring with the enemy or banish her off the island and himself forever. And he would be well advised.

Maybe this was the beginning of the transition to the dark... was this how it happened? Having visions, seeking the enemy, being corrupted? No! She was a good person... good enough. It wasn’t on purpose she knew, she hadn’t meant it to happen, and she didn’t feel any more evil or dark. No… something was different in her force signature, like a presence always ready to join in. But it didn’t feel malignant.

There was only one other way to confirm she was not going insane. Her forbidden Jedi temple. The only place that made her feel safe and serene. She cherished its ruined wooden halls and sunlit library, she almost felt the phantom presences of long lost souls still practicing and studying the mysteries of the force. Who had they been, what have they discovered? Somehow she had this vague feeling of knowing the place. Did Master Luke feel this way as well? As it was she would use its resources yet again.

After closing the hundredth volume, she was dead hungry, exhausted and developing a headache. She had let Luke know she was going to the temple and they had to postpone the morning meditation. He hadn’t said anything, as if expecting this to happen for some time. He hadn’t looked particularly happy either. She must still be unprepared in his eyes to face the knowledge of the Jedis. Rey had been so scared he would see right through her lies. Each gesture of his was bathing her in cold sweat, making her ramble. But whatever he knew he never let on, the eternal enigma of Jedis. Rey even felt like telling him her dream if only to see his stoic expression break. Even to see the fear and disappointment in his wise eyes. 

She was getting nowhere, the volumes and scrolls in the temple were well organized but half of them were in foreign languages and the other half, well... It’s not like there was a category for: a strange dreamlike vision or hallucination maybe real maybe not involving your enemy kissing you. Maybe she should look for one named: 10 signs to look for when a Jedi turns insane.

Rey chuckled at her own silliness and kept flipping through the pages. Force techniques, force elements, force signs, force methods. If only the HoloNet worked in the library. But even there. She doubted her key words would produce much. She sighed and laid on the stone floor amidst the nest of books. The stones felt cool and the light streaming through the dust was beautiful.

How would she ever find about it, this mystery? Her stomach grumbled loudly. Just as she was thinking of getting some food in her belly she felt the pain. 

-Ouch! What the...

The hollow sensation of stabbing in her ribcage on her right side dissipated quickly, she stood up holding her hand to her side, but it was gone just like that. The next breath she took it stabbed again, harder. She doubled over. What? What was that?!

Cramps? Broken bones? No... calm down.

Let’s try to see with the force. Maybe she could heal herself. She concentrated on the pain and imagined it going away. It didn’t. She tried again and again.

An hour later she had panicked enough to think of the stupidest idea ever, even by her standards. Remember that time you risked your life for a droid Rey?

She would attempt to bring forth the vision again. This pain must be somehow connected to it, must come from outside. She would find the answers in the dream, her gut told her and she always trusted her gut. Tonight it was then.

After a session of training in lifting boulders, piling them on top of each other, then meditating on how to keep them up, she felt useless. And with Luke’s silent judgment of her impatience, she returned to her alcove exhausted and morose. She hadn’t felt like play pretend family supper with him. He was getting more and more critical of her desire to learn. There was so much knowledge out there, so many mysteries to uncover in the force. And she was lifting stones. Rey was just so tired. The pain had subsided after a while and there was still no visual or internal sign of damage on her body. Maybe attempting to summon the dream again wasn’t such a good idea after all. Her head had cleared after her training and she wasn’t so certain of her plan anymore. As she was gobbling all her pieces of fish and boiled roots not leaving a crumb behind, another thought dawned on her. So, delicious! She realized how lucky she was. 

She could get all the fish she wanted now, with the force. She scarcely realized it, all the food she needed to survive right here! How amazing to think she had always had this power to be fed and safe, but never knew it. Back on Jakku, she could have hunted easier, defend herself better, maybe even defeated Unkar Plutt. She could have manipulated him and his thugs and escape on some ship. Escape somewhere far and become a famous pilot like Han. But she wouldn’t have done that, she had been waiting patiently for her family, hoping they would return for her. With or without this power she would have stayed if she never got meddled in this galactic war in the first place. But maybe she could have made a difference on Jakku then, helped the poor wretches like herself, the slaves, the scavengers. Too late to think about that now. She hadn’t had the power. Her parents hadn’t come back for her. She had done what she had to survive, anyone in her place would have done the same, never turn around or think about this desert hole twice. That’s what old Lina would have said. Poor old Lina, how was she doing? The rest of the scavengers had probably forgotten all about her and continued with their lives. Or maybe not, after all the ruckus the First Order had caused to Niima Outpost, no thanks to her.

Her bad mood after Luke’s cold scolding somehow improved with the realization she didn’t have to go back to Jakku and be hungry ever again. Thanks to his training.

It was getting dark outside, it did so late at this time of the year. Rey cleaned up her plate as she was chewing on the last piece of goma root. Then she lied down on her ragged berth, let her hair loose and curled up. You can do this Rey. You can deal with it.  
Okay breath in, breath out, count to then, repeat, feel the force flow around, pull it through, think of last night. Think of... him… his force signature.

Some time must have passed, Rey imagined, as she appeared in the darkness, hitting against a glass wall too opaque to see anything but shadows. Were the moving shadows fighting? She shouted and kicked and pushed with all her strength but she was stuck outside. She knew he was there somewhere, still awake. So she waited and waited, weary and fatigued.

Finally, as if a string pulled at her, she sat upright watching the barrier dissipate, only to unveil the almost pitch black alcove of a tiny room, carved in marble. Red glowing carvings and a couple of tinted crystals on the wall were the only objects illuminating the Spartan quarters. The space was truly lacking of any personal belongings or decoration but still contained a bed and chest next to a table with a chair which led Rey to believe someone must be staying there. Not that she was used to seeing normal people’s homes, but she knew enough to get the idea that it looked almost like a prisoners’ cell, rough sheets, no windows or light. Unless the person was a scavenger or prisoner it looked right out bleak. It was also unoccupied, the only door closed.

As she explored and touched the walls and floor, she realized the marble looked a whole lot like the one in the temple on the previous night. Was she there again? The faint whiff of sulfur paired with the oppressive impression of foulness and death matched sure enough with her impressions. Rey took the advantage of her good timing to access her situation. Her clothes were decent enough this time she thought, relieved as she examined the gray pants and tunic similar to her Jedi training garb. They could be beige but she couldn’t distinguish colors in this dim light. No weapons though, that fact she didn’t like. Whatever this place was, she didn’t want to risk finding out what would happen if one gets killed. Not that she had come here to fight. She had to figure out what was happening to her, the reason why Kylo Ren appeared in that dream, why she had felt like being stabbed from galaxies away. The part about how to find that out was so far unclear. 

Well, Rey, you are a scavenger, so explore, scavenge. She looked around; there were some strange mechanical parts on the table and what looked like rations. The bed was clean and empty. Nothing too revealing. She reached and opened the drawers of the only chest. Rows of black cloth in one of them, bottles and pots and brushes and shavers in another and the bottom one...a piece of brown leather with dried blood on it and a hologram container. So strange, what was that? She almost felt the answer on the tip of her tongue but dared not believe it.

Her skin became gooseflesh as she turned on the hologram. Two see through people getting ready for a picture a mom and a kid. It was dark and she couldn’t see well. When the dad came to join them, he shouted -–“Sorry sweetheart, that son of a... oops sorry took too long, am I late again?” She could see the woman turn around, she was dressed like royalty, and start yelling at the man. The little kid was looking up at them holding its mom’s hand saying – “Mom, can we stay longer... can we stay longer... can we stay longer?...” the small voice was on repeat as the hologram fizzled out. Rey didn’t find out what was going to happen after because a very real voice interrupted her:

\- No one taught you not to spy through private belongings, scavenger?

Even his mechanical voice sounded sullen as it resonated through the tiny room. Rey slowly put the hologram back inside and closed the drawer before turning to face the owner of the voice. She opened her lips to fire a comeback but seeing him there impossibly tall and intimidating made her lose her words. She was also still under the shock of spying on what she was sure were his private belongings. He was just as she remembered him last night, but clothed and masked in his usual attire. That horrible mask, expressionless, glinting with the sharp glimmer of the crystals, reflecting their shifting shapes dancing on the scratched metallic surface, was fascinating her. He was still, but the stillness of contained anger that she remembered from the interrogation. This was not the lost, babbling man she had encountered the night before. And somehow this one scared her more.

-I... um... was the only thing she managed to get out facing the conflicting memories of this creature.

He didn’t say anything further though but started pacing the small space, his hands behind his back. His short cloak was following his every movement in the darkness. She glimpsed the saber clipped on his belt. She gulped down.

-Hey, you... are you real? - and the award for the dumbest question goes to... Get yourself together Rey. He is only human after all; you have seen his face. And it was time to start investigating.

Rey carefully turned to face him completely, eyeing the exit and his weapon.

He stopped pacing then and stared through her or at least it looked like it. 

-Real? As real as you I suppose... he trailed off then slowly advanced on her, his arms at his side, swinging close by. Like an approaching predator. She backed off preparing to force push if he did anything suspicious.

-I need to test something - Ren stated as he raised his hand. Rey felt the cold chill of déjà vu.

-Don’t! –she shouted

He ignored her and she waited for the pain, but instead she watched in disbelief as her clothes shifted back to the white dress from the previous night. She felt acutely the frozen floor underneath her bare feet.

\- Stop it!

He seemed as startled as her, tried waving again and she felt the force move around as the environment shifted momentarily but returned to its original state. Rey was mesmerized by the phenomenon, like a shimmering mirage.

-Why! Why can’t I change it...-his modulated timbre sounded aggravated.

-How am I supposed to know? How did you do this? What is this place? –she demanded, crossing her arms over her cleavage self-conscious of her barely dressed state. He turned around for a moment, then reached out, grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards the door.

-Not here. Follow me.

She stumbled at first then pried his fingers off annoyed. Why did guys always try to drag her around? She was not some animal on a leash. His touch had felt so real again, the same cool leather on her naked arm. She felt the force tingle where his fingers had grasped.

-Who do you think you...- she was stopped by the force keeping her lips sealed. Kriffing sithspit asshole!

As if he could hear her he opened the door with a wave and released his control on her muscles. She cursed again and followed. It’s not like she had a choice. She wanted answers and he seemed to have them.

After walking briskly for five minutes through oppressive red glowing corridors that she recognized more and more, they finally reached an enormous circular hall protected by thick marble and metal walls. Solid engraved with red metal tables spread around the middle as rows of bookshelves continued as far as her eyes could see. It was so cold, so claustrophobic; the dark energy emanating from the shelves almost choked her. At least there was more light than in his quarters, crimson glowing engravings and strange purple flames were drowning the hall in poisonous nauseating tints.

As he stopped she realized she had been staring at his back, fascinated by how flawlessly his robes trailed after him. He was playing his part well, a true machine moving and breathing. Not a trace of the insanity of the night before. But his mask was on again. Oh, how it pissed her off. He could change her clothes and play with her, and if she could only do the same... A thought struck her. As he was just getting comfortable by one of the tables, she concentrated, saw him in her mind and tada! The mask was gone. Success!

-You learn quickly - his deep voice stated. In between his high cowl and his pitch black strands, his face was a white triangle. Disproportionate and colorless features, slanted feverish eyes peeking under those aristocratic eyebrows.

-You don’t know the half of it. Now give me back my clothes... or you’ll regret it.

Speaking to him made her tremble, it felt... too friendly, intimate. Seeing his face felt like a hammer smashing her insides. Must be disgust… right? Oh, who was she kidding, there were thousands of bad things to say about him, but his face… and his body... and voice were not amongst them. Of course, she pondered considering who his parents were.

-Get them back yourself- he looked down at her, his face was expressionless but his darkened eyes were flashing in defiance. Rey pressed her lips together. Challenging her then. He’ll see. She concentrated again with the same force pattern as earlier, bent on changing her appearance. And it sort of worked. For some reason, she had her arm wraps and soft boots on but the dress was still clinging on her, white and flimsy.

-I see you are still untrained. Is my uncle still as bad a teacher as he used to be? - It looked like he would almost chuckle but stopped himself in time.

Rey’s level of aggravation was mounting, her sudden lack of confidence from his insults reawakening her dislike for the asshole.

-Are you still as bad a student as you used to be? Oh no, wait, bad is an understatement, as sick and depraved student as before? Don’t answer, I already know. Now can we stop with the enigmatic bantha shit so you can tell me what’s going on?

She observed him carefully as she expected his temper to explode and he did detach his saber. But to her surprise, he swiftly clipped it back and started pacing again.

Due to the lighting, he looked like a blur of purple fabric going back and forth on the mosaic floor of the library.

-I will tell you if you show me where you are... Rey.

She was left speechless again. The grit of him!

-You see, Rey. I know things, things you need. Until you give me the information I want, you won't learn anything. You will see me here every night, feel me every day and I will be in control until you give in. I will gladly watch you crumble and beg to join us by the end of it.

Rey fought a hard shiver as his words hit home. He must be bluffing, how could he control this, make her feel him? It was madness. But there had been that pain. Had it been real? Was it his own? She had to know.

-You tried to kill me last time in real life and in the dream, why would I believe you?

She stalled as she concentrated on his clothing. A second later as if by magic his front layers had disappeared. There he was standing naked above the belt under the short cape. She would have been deadly embarrassed any other time, but she had to make sure. The sight she was faced with came so far from her expectations, she took a step back. There was none of the flawless skin she remembered from the previous night. Instead, gushing through his side was an angry red wound. His chest, she couldn’t believe it, she clearly hadn’t seen it back then in the dark. The multitude of slashes bruises and gashes colored his pale skin blue and red, the biggest painful spot right under his pectoral. That same spot.

Before she could look closer his undershirt reappeared hiding its owner’s flagrant secret. She looked down momentarily taken by a peculiar sense of shame, uncomfortable to see his reaction. He must have expected something since there was no outburst. She looked up at him. Had she really experienced his pain… how… why? 

-Tell me, was it you I felt earlier today? This... wound... I felt it...

His gaze went to her ribs, avoiding her face, his fists were clenched. His hood suddenly reappeared hiding everything but his lips. But they uttered nothing. She had her hand unconsciously placed over her side, feeling the ghost of leftover pain. Her patience was running out with this game.

-If you won’t tell me anything, there is no point in my staying here anymore. I don’t believe a word you say. If you think I am this naïve, you’ve got it wrong, monster! You won’t find Master Luke, ever! Stay and hide here in your prison of a temple and rot in it! Most of all, leave me out of your little mind tricks. They didn’t work before and they won’t now! 

As she finished her part, she knew she had to get out. Spending any more time with her enemy on his territory was dangerous. And she felt the anger reach her more and more, she was becoming too affected. Rey concentrated on waking up, pushed herself through the transparent barriers of the vision.

Her last images were of his frozen frame and lifted arm. His words bounced in her head.

-I will find you.

She didn’t wake this time. The land of real dreams had claimed her. Dreams of rivers of blood, flashing duels, a weeping child terrorized her.

She awoke with a headache, with the vague feeling of having missed something. Rey spent the next days mulling over, debating in anxiety. She was so distracted even master Luke took notice. He asked her a couple of times what was on her mind, and each time the crease between his brows deepened. He was getting persistent as to what was worrying her. It was almost as if he cared.

But no one could help her; yet again she had put herself in this vexing situation. Having confirmed the truth behind this strange connection between her and Ren haven’t calmed her spirits. It hadn’t solved anything. It only raised so many more questions. She felt more vulnerable than ever.

As the days passed by rainy and tedious, she would train and try to ignore her nagging concerns. But she kept feeling this pressure in her head that she would get to know like the back of her hand later. Her trained survival instincts combined with her new sensitivity to the force hinted at someone trying to get into her mind. Remembering a certain interrogation, and his threats she had a good guess as to who it might be. She would still feel the pain in her side from time to time, sometimes in other places as well. And there were the random outbursts of anger that shook her. Just as he had promised.

At night, even more afraid to end up in the same dark universe he controlled she tried to stay awake as long as possible. Even when napping for short periods she weaved the force around her like a cocoon, she had read that in a scroll about mind protection. It seemed to work... for now.

Speaking of scrolls, she had returned every morning to research what she could about the visions. There was almost nothing in the archives, just like before. Apart from the temple. For that oppressing darkness seeped fortress was a temple indeed. An ancient Sith temple on Moraband, forbidden and forgotten for millennia but for the dark force devotees who would seek ancient artifacts and enlightenment in its dark secrets. It was said the legendary master Yoda sought the secret of eternal consciousness there and won the mental battle against Darth Sidious's traps of seduction. The ghosts of the most powerful darksiders inhabited its frigid marble halls, untouched by the devastation on the surface of the planet as the temple was hidden underground. Their tombs kept guard over its secrets. Some of the most dangerous artifacts ever created with the force were collected on Moraband and many a Jedi had taken the perilous journey to destroy them. There were few who had returned.

In ancient times the apprentices would train, be tested and punished at the Valley of the Dark Lords: a place of sacrifices and bloody rituals. Lightside users had their force weakened; therefore, it was absolutely prohibited for any Jedi to venture there but on exclusive orders from the Jedi Council.

Rey would have sworn she recognized the great hall she had been in the first vision over an illustration, the description followed in a language she didn’t comprehend. The other drawings shocked her and she had hurried to close the book and hide it in a remote corner.

So she had guessed right about the temple. This premonition she had had while roaming the empty corridors. The whispers that spoke to her. The stench of evil, that disturbing aura, a place of suffering build for the sole purpose of death. Why had she of all people been able to penetrate its abodes, though in an ethereal way? She wasn’t even a real Jedi! Was it because he had been there? Had she sought him out somehow? Why had he been there? Were those his quarters, his belongings? The place he lived in, trained at, was that the air he breathed the halls he roamed, the ghosts he spoke to? The place he called home.

Her eyebrows furrowed. What kind of person would willingly remain in this place? And the wound… how horrible it had been, who did this to him… the ghosts, his master, himself? Not that she cared of course; he deserved all the pain he suffered and more. Then why had she felt so bad, why was her stomach twisting even now, her fingers returning to the spot under her ribcage. Could she really feel his pain? She had already healed him once. Hadn’t she done it for the sole purpose of having a fair rematch, where she would defeat him once and for all? She hadn’t wanted to give him an easy way out then, on Starkiller. She had to make him pay. Finn... Han... One day this time would come. I promise you, my friends. It had to be sooner than later. The longer she took with her training, the stronger he’d become in his temple, the bigger his graveyard of victims would grow. There was no one else to kill him now unless she convinced Luke to leave. But she felt it cruel to make him face his nephew again, and he didn’t seem to want to. No, it had to be her. All the events led to it, it was her destiny, she was the one to destroy Kylo Ren.

The dreams, the connection, their childish bickering, it meant naught, he meant naught.

Rey kept thinking and analyzing every detail of the last encounters, purposefully ignoring the end of the first one. What advantage could she gain from this so-called bond? Details of his life? Spying on his current location for the Resistance? What would give them an edge in this war? He was one of the main figures in the Order. What could destabilize him? She knew of his short temper by now, this senseless rage caused mistakes. She could drive him so mad that when they finally met, she’d have the upper hand, at least mentally. He was way too powerful to underestimate though. Yet his recklessness was his only weakness.

Exhausted by some real training in the Soresu Form, Rey laid prostrate in her cot, the sun had long since set beyond the horizon and only the screams of the last birds were heard. She had fallen asleep thus, with her clothes on, her hair undone, dreaming of duels with Luke, getting faster, smarter, better, defeating her master easily. But someone was coming for them, her head was spinning.

She woke up, seeing the stars through the cut-out stone hole. It was still pitch black outside. How long had she slept? Why was she up so early? Something compelled her to go out. She was so tired, still wobbly, but she managed to get out of the hut slowly, leaning on the stone walls as her dizziness subsided. Something was off. She scratched at her disheveled strands, placed her vest. Rey stared outside at the small clearing. The embers had almost died out, it was quiet. Too quiet. She looked ahead and saw the new silhouette cut out against the usual moonlit horizon.

-Master Luke? She barely whispered, afraid to break the strange silence.

But it wasn’t Master Luke. Rey took a step back instinctively reaching for her back, seeking a staff she didn’t carry anymore. She shouted trying to scare the intruder:

-I see you! Who are you! What do you want?

There was no response, but the figure approached flawlessly, its cloak whipping in the cool breeze. Rey started reaching down for a stone, then she recognized him.

-Master Luke! Come right away! He is here!

Rey was trembling, where was her resolve now? Wait how was this even possible? Wouldn’t they have sensed him, heard his ship arriving?

-No one is coming scavenger. I told you I’ll find you. –his smooth voice carried over

He had approached enough for her to see his maskless but hooded visage, leaving visible only pale moon white chin and lips.

Rey’s only thought was of Luke now. She rushed backward into his hut keeping maximum distance from the dark intruder. He wasn’t there, but his saber was. Rey came out of his hut holding the saber tightly in her fist.

-Another vision then? How did you do it? How did you find this place?

He was staring at the stars, mumbling under his breath. Then he stared at her, a half smirk plastered on his plump mouth.

-Easy enough. I told you, the dark side is strong, stronger than the light. Nothing is impossible for me. I see uncle has finally found the temple. A rather nice discovery I would say, I commend him. Now you need to keep quiet.

He turned to look at her for a long moment and looked back up, mumbling. She could hear numbers.

She rushed him, realizing too late what he was up to. Lighting up the saber midway, she force jumped and pressed its green laser to his hooded neck. The fabric ignited and teared up filling the air with smoke.

-Stop right now! Get out, get out of my head, leave now, monster! – She was gritting her teeth, her palms sweaty. Another centimeter and his neck would scorch.

He lowered his head maddeningly slow then removed his hood, his gloved hands flicking the flames away. Rey was but a mere foot away from him, his stare pinned her motionless.

There was no fear in that gaze, he had never been scared of her. There was no anger either, nor the usual scorn, haughtiness, and rage that she was used to. They were replaced by that haunted, tortured look he had given her while seeping blood on Starkiller base. It was the single most disturbing expression Rey remembered seeing. It didn’t express naught yet it said all. His eyes were swimming in seas of despair, begging oh begging for something. She recognized the loneliness. These eyes had seen too much, so much pain. Rey almost choked on the huge lump in her throat. Unwittingly she had turned off the saber, her arm limp at her side. Her traitorous instinct took over and she took a step closer. She took his hand. His pupils dilated, his body leaned back but he didn’t move away. Rey placed both their palms over his clothed chest. She closed her eyes and let the light flow through her, through the bond, let it seep in the ragged broken tissues. Such a broken body, how was he even standing? It was so strange, like slipping through layers and layers of dimensions, like hyper drive activation. Underneath the virtual flesh, there was the real one, frozen and aching left in its stone bedstead. She pushed with all her force to reach it, to heal it. As she went further in, the marble hall she saw when she first pierced his mind was there again. On the surface strands of admiration and excitement flowed but underneath it, Rey’s light barely reached. A maze so dark and endless lay there, death and hate crusted deep around a still warm beating heart.

She was quickly pried off of this reality and felt suddenly extremely weak. She felt her body collapsing in the dream. But it didn’t hit the ground, she was held in his arms again, laid on her virtual cot. He moved her head to face him, and as she was losing the rest of her consciousness she heard him

-Why? Why do you care? Why don’t you hate me...Sleep now...Rey.


	11. Ahch-To Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience, this is the first part of the Ahch-To chapter which is pretty long. The second part should be coming soon! Thank you for your subscriptions and to all of you who are reading the story. Your comments are a huge motivation to me, as I write this story in the hope of producing an interesting enough piece for people to read and enjoy :) Hope you like this one! Beta-ed by the amazing merbirdgirl.

And now it was too late. He was lying down, taking shallow breaths, chasing the oblivion of sleep, its eternal nightmares, but the decision he took brought him back. He couldn’t sleep. He twisted in the cocoon of tangled sheets, his sweat leaving a wet spot underneath. He had to go.

Kylo Ren put on his attire slowly, layer by layer, hiding all doubts underneath. What was on the surface was the only thing that mattered. There stood the strong one. He clipped the mask on. He was back.

The next morning he walked into the conference chamber. He had a meeting scheduled with the supreme leader. If he hadn’t been summoned, he would have had to call on his master himself, so for that he was glad. As he entered the smaller, featureless dark room, the console was turned on but the hologram throne was empty. This time his master had decided to discuss with him not in the usual grand temple hall of the ship, but in the much less spectacular conference room. He preferred it for the day to day consultations and orders so it mustn't be anything of importance. And yet, Hux was standing still and stiff, to his right, pretending to ignore the knight. Damn him. All Ren needed was for him to hear this particular conversation. He couldn’t stand the general; his bloody ambition and blatant jealousy of Ren’s privileges were so irritating. Many were the times he could have killed the bastard, choked the life out if him, but supreme leader needed him. Hux was a good poster figure for the Order’s army, and neither Kylo nor Snoke wanted to take on his mundane responsibilities. Darksiders such as themselves weren’t known to be very motivational and social creatures.

But now there was this vague sensation of owed debt. Hux had come back for him after all, even if only on their master’s orders. The ginger probably wished Ren dead more than even his most ambitious knights.

-Why are you here Hux? I was left with the impression this was a private meeting between me and supreme leader. Aren’t you busy fixing up the Starkiller mess? -his inhuman modulated voice resonated in the room.

Hux turned to face him snorting, the hard lines around his mouth clenching in frozen mirth.

\- Oh...that mess you caused by letting the prisoner escape? What happens with the First Order’s future is my business, commander Ren. Also Lord Snoke asked to see me and hear about our progress in locating Skywalker. And you? Your little vacation is over? I heard you prevailed against another pretender...how commendable. I heard it had been a bloody scene. Maybe you’ll be able to kill that little whore next time? I’m afraid we were beginning to doubt your so called prodigious talents. Speaking of the wench did you...

He was interrupted by the static buzz of the hologram console. Another moment and Ren would have done something he may have regretted - or not. He let the anger strengthen and consume him. He would need it through the coming encounter. Snoke appeared solemnly but slowly, almost struggling to sit on the giant dais. Both men went silent, bowing their heads. Even incorporeal, his virtual presence was enough to fill the strongest man with doubt, with dread. He appeared calm and filled with ancient wisdom as usual, but they both knew what he was capable of, even through immeasurable distances. Usually Ren admired this most frightening ability of his master, but today he felt weak, vulnerable beneath all the layers of armour. He knew his master could read him as easily as an open book and that was good...that was how it was supposed to be between master and apprentice. It was how the supreme leader had known Ben Solo was meant for greatness, meant to be his pupil. That was also how he had taught Kylo all those precious lessons, reading his questions and insecurities. Including that most crucial lesson, how to banish the light in order to become the true successor to Vader, the savior of the galaxy. His master had always been there for him, had given him power and knowledge, even if the methods had been harsh.

But this time he didn’t feel as comfortable and fearless opening up to his teacher, sharing everything that had happened since Moraband. About the dreams, the bond, the location and...her. When an image of her thin fingers holding his flashed through his mind, he flinched. No, he had it under control. His master didn’t need to know all of this. Especially after having discovered some hidden compassion for her. But his master was wrong about his weakness to her; he was stronger now, after the rituals. And he was going to finish the job, make the supreme leader praise him and move along on his set path. No need to get the Order involved with those small distractions.

-General Hux, Commander Kylo Ren, I hope you have good news for me. After the shameful destruction of our best weapon Starkiller base, I am expecting a counterattack is being prepared? General?

Ren tried to concentrate as he bowed down but his mind was frantically looking for a place to lock all the recent memories of the dreams. With a vague sense of guilt, he used the only place he kept apart from his master. The secret room in his mind. Would Snoke notice? He prayed not. He almost never hid anything from the ancient leader, but whatever was left of the old Ben was locked there. As Han had rightly guessed, there were still parts of his weak self living inside. Ren calmed the unease in his body. He concentrated on the remaining pain, the murderous anger from the decapitation of Jenkar Ren, the knight who had challenged him but days ago, came easy to him. It had been a close fight. And he remembered the exhilaration from the victory. The force replied to him, surging in powerful waves.

-...then the Tie fighters will bomb the leftover forces and all remains of the Resistance will be eliminated. They may have won a small victory but they know we will win the war. It is inevitable, our forces are far superior and they don’t have their big Jedi hero. Skywalker’s still in hiding. However if I may remark, supreme leader, the rumours of the girl defeating Lord (the title was almost spat out) Ren are spreading both among our people and theirs. If she is with the Resistance and possesses Jedi powers, they may not need Skywalker after all. She will become their new mascot. She needs to be eliminated. If only she hadn’t been left to escape… if we still had her…

-That’s enough General. Proceed with the plan as discussed. Let us deal with the issues of the force, which you know nothing about.

Ren was seething, clenching his fists, gloves gripping his saber. Something about how Hux talked about his ex-prisoner, the girl, his failure, made him see red.

-Now my most devoted apprentice. I know the training has gone well and you have taken your punishment as needed. Good, good. The guardians spoke highly of you: you have listened, passed the tests. At this time of weakness, you have managed to re-establish yourself as the commander of my knights. Well done, my pupil. Your victory is nectar to my lips. Especially considering your recent failure.

Snoke quickly changed his soothing smooth tone to a blood chilling croak that gave him gooseflesh.

-But your training is almost complete. Only a couple of them left now: your mother and uncle. You are so close to perfection, I can feel it. Are you ready to face them?

There was a pause, but he continued on, not expecting an answer.

-I know you have found him, I can see it in your mind. child. You weren’t going to tell me to surprise me with his elimination later. Yes... no need to deny it. This makes me glad, Kylo Ren. Go and find him, bring me his saber, then add it to your collection, along with his ashes.

-Yes, master. - Kylo simply bowed his head low, glad for the mask, for his relief was great.

-And Kylo Ren...deal with the girl. She must not pose any more problems for us. She is strong in the force. Convince her to join the knights, or bring her to me. I trust your compassion for her has been cleansed in the temple.  
He nodded once.  
-You are dismissed.  
Just as he was about to ask his master, he waved and disappeared.  
Ren let out a shaky breath that resonated loudly through the modulator. Too late, he remembered that Hux was still there. He’d loathe losing his control in front of the ginger idiot, especially after all that personal information he had been privy to. Why his master deemed to reveal so much about Ren in front of Hux was a question that nagged at the back of his mind.

As he was turning to leave, he felt the general’s gloved fingers dig into his bicep. He halted.

-Now, now Commander Ren, what’s the rush? Are we maybe having feelings for the enemy? Is that why you let her escape and beat you to a pulp? You even left the scar on, a little memento? How... adorable.

Hux could only shriek as he was thrown like a ragdoll at the console, crashing straight into it. Ren swept his cloak and stormed outside, not turning back at the shouted threats.

The next days were spent in meticulous preparation for the trip. He had easily decoded the location using the parts of the chart the Order already possessed and the star formations in the scavenger’s dream. The Jedi Temple of Ahch-To was not mentioned much in the Moraband’s temple’s records. An ancient force temple probably predating Jedi and Sith alike, it was considered the First Jedi Temple by many, for the first Jedi monks constructed above it. It was considered dangerous to dark force users and was not recommended to visit alone. It was also protected by powerful force shields placed by the ancient force users, thus hidden from detection. Of course, his uncle must have found it; he had always wanted to dig out the origins of the Jedi. Little good that would do him and his dead cult. The Jedi were extinct, and he was going to follow along with the rest of them. Kylo Ren, the Jedi killer, would make sure of that. The faces of the dead padawans came unbidden under his closed eyelids, returning like force ghosts, for the thousandth time. Every time he looked in a mirror he would see them, in his reflection, each of their faces engraved forever in the shadows of his eyes. Even if it hadn’t been him who... Not now. Not again. Help me, grandfather. Give me strength; please... I don’t want to remember any more.

Piloting his command shuttle was an easy enough task, even if he was out of practice; someone always piloted his ships ever since he became the commander of the knights. But he enjoyed piloting, enjoyed the freedom to be by himself. No one scrutinizing him, cowering from him. It was liberating to be outside of the military structure of the Order. He did his business without any supervision. And he hadn’t encountered any obstacles to his plans yet. He had made sure no one knew about his destination. Like Hux and the other officials, his knights would jump on any opportunity to challenge his authority or outright attempt to assassinate him. This would have been a perfect chance for them to catch him alone, without any witnesses from the Order. A chance to gain rank in the organization, gain the leader’s coveted favour. He smirked darkly in his comfortable seat, it wasn’t the first or last time, he had thwarted all their attempts, each battle making him stronger. Ever since his sixteen years of age, ever since he had been a boy underestimated by everyone, he had to prove himself. The loser son of the greatest family in galactic history, lonely, clumsy, antisocial. Where is your mother’s commanding presence, where is your father’s street smarts, your uncle’s heroism? But then, they all remembered his grandfather. No. Him they didn’t want to compare to little Ben. They were scared then, they’d shun little Ben out, sensing the too-strong resemblance. His parents had tried to keep him away from that part of the family’s dark past. His mother had done a great job, abolishing the use of the Holonet, denying anyone telling him about it, even firing staff over it. Thus he had grown lonely, ignorant, avoided by everyone but servants and droids. Until the day he finally found out why his life was so empty. It happened away from civilisation, and it came from the most unexpected person.

Indeed, his uncle hadn’t been able to keep the truth away forever. Once Snoke had whispered it in his hungry mind, he had confronted the lying Jedi master. They had thought sending him to that useless academy would tame him, keep him under control, him and his budding abilities. They relied that his hero of an uncle would harness him. But Kylo had found his true identity. Finally he knew where his desire for the unknown darkness came from, where his yearning for real order and peace in the galaxy originated. His grandfather. Darth Vader’s true life and mission had been to bring peace to the empire. And order, the most critical element to restore in this torn apart world. Chaos was good, it helped Ren to find the force, but not in the galaxy... there it created only ruins and pain. Chaos in life was unsupervised, uncontrollable. Rules didn’t apply to the likes of Han Solo. And his mother...She was just delusional, attempting to restore the republic and its misconception of democracy. Quarreling, old, corrupted fools of senators deciding for the world. She hadn’t learnt from the past; without a strong hand, a true leader, this union of systems would fall apart. Those billions of planets couldn’t be trusted to take care of their own politics, let alone the galaxy’s. Petty disputes caused endless wars, eating away at the foundations of the republic, their intrigues and interests destroyed billions. No, they shouldn’t be left to decide. He thought of Jakku. A snake-pit for lawless pirates and slavers. With no real government or laws, people like the scavengers were left leading a pitiful existence: unsupervised, used as slaves, unknowing of their own potential. He tightened his grip on the command wheel. That potential... the awakening in the force as his master had called it. He had felt it too, of course, first hand. All the way across the systems the force had resonated. But the girl’s true awakening was no less thanks to him. Pushing her to her limits, tasting the brute force she was capable of wielding. He felt for the scar running over his brow and cheek. She almost had him there, almost. But why her?!

He always thought he was the destined one to bring balance to the force. And so had Snoke. Having grown in the light but embracing the dark. Through the dark side was the path, he had been so certain. But even his promised saber, his grandfather heirloom, had been mute to his call. It had answered to her. Damn it! She was no one, a nobody! Simply another orphan of the flawed system, abandoned by her parents... like him. Who was her family? Were they still alive? He had to find out. He had to find her first; she kept too many secrets, held too many answers to the plans of the force. He couldn’t kill her. She was still too valuable, her frail but resilient body, her stubborn mind so clueless to her own importance. The Supreme leader surely knew the danger she represented and wanted to claim her. But would she come willingly... with her adept mind resistance she would be hardly convinced to the dark side. Her innate light - it was strong, stronger than anything he had sensed before. Not even Luke’s, not anyone's, as if... there was some unexplained purity in it. But the darkness was in her as well, deep within; he had found it, the same depths that spoke to him. The inglorious years of loneliness and abandonment, where anger lays sulking and bitterness and hatred raged. But those dark emotions hardly surfaced, she kept them at bay, letting the mysterious light spread through freely. The thought of it infuriated him; he hated her power, despised her light. Why hadn’t she succumbed to that hatred, why wasn’t she seeking revenge for the unjust sort that life had given her?! Why hadn’t she given up on humanity, but kept trusting in strangers? They didn’t deserve that trust; they were egoistical self-serving pieces of bantha shit.

A submerged memory flashed through his thoughts. His classmate almost drowning, his younger self trying to help. He had saved the child using his unstable power, but when the parents found out whom it had been who gave them back their son, their smiles had turned into horrified realization. HIM. His grandson. The evil child. What a wretch he had been then, so weak and drowning in self-pity. They didn’t want his help. When they weren’t horrified, they tried to use him for his power. They only cared for using the force adepts to their advantage. Miserable creatures. They knew nothing of the true force. The force was superior to them all and its users should be gods to them. The non-gifted deserved to be purified and controlled.

Still the girl was a naive fool. She was young and had yet to learn the cost of being special, powerful. He wanted to show her, teach her the way to control her loneliness and anger, to channel it trough the force. He could bring forth that darkness hiding in her, using the bond. Her strange compassion for him... he would use it as well. And even if his master saw in him some sympathy in her regard, he would be sure to bury it down where all his weaknesses lay. He had been feeble around her, but with the darkness on his side he would either convert her or end her. That was his plan and he couldn’t wait. He couldn’t allow her to exploit the bond for the Resistance’s advantage. One way or another, it would all be decided on the ocean planet. And killing his uncle would be the first step.


	12. Ahch-To Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The arrival at Ahch-To and confrontation with Luke!! What would Kylo do? Where is Rey? There is still more to come. Thank you for your support and interest in this story. All comments are very very welcome and make me really happy :) Now beta-ed by the great merbirdgirl.

Rey was floating in the unformed matter. She knew the vision was over, but she was not waking. What had she done? Or had it been him? She was frightened, this shapeless place was so empty and she couldn't get out as much as she tried. An endless desert of tiny gray sand, or was it ash? She was running terrified, her footsteps left no traces in the cinders. Somewhere behind was the one chasing her, he was all-encompassing, powerful, immortal. She had to run and hide, until the end of this desert world, freedom was there, power was there, but on this road, only buried bones laid.

How long had it been, she had no sense. Sometimes she felt her weak body replenish itself. But with what energy? She thought she heard a voice calling her, but it was too far, a whisper of the moving sand, beyond this realm. This reality was hers now. She knew not what it was, a hallucination, a nightmare, a vision of the past, of the future or all of it. This she knew, she inhabited no body, had no impact in this place. Only a pair of invisible feet running, running in the impossible reality of this ash desert. And always meeting the crying lonely creature of a child. She would try to embrace its frail body, wipe its bird eye tears but the child didn't see her, didn't hear her. They would both run together then, from the faceless monster chasing them. It was agony, constant mind breaking emptiness and fear she knew too well, but multiplied a hundredfold. She felt herself crumbling. Please… if anyone was listening to her wordless pleas, make it stop.

…

He had done something, something he had done before, a most cruel thing his power granted him. And now he had come to reap the fruits of it. He watched from above as Luke brought her limp body to the ancient structure. She was flimsy like a rag doll, her master cradling her. And the place he brought her to must be the temple. The first Jedi temple, the ruin of times past. He felt its aura weaken him, call to him. The plan flashed in his mind, focusing him back to his mission. As he waited for his old master to return he looked over the breathtaking sharp summits nestling the elegant structure in its pink-tinted rocky arms. Patches of green moss were scattered here and there diversifying the monotone gray surface. The sunset was striking, releasing its last light rays to scatter beyond the sea. The bright stars were visible over the hazy cloud mist in quiet observation of the sinister event to happen.

What a beauty this planet was, he had to admit, so different from Moraband and its lifeless desolation. The waves were crashing beyond the sloping hill he was standing on, their salty scent purifying the thin air. He breathed in deeply, lost in a deja vu, a sudden memory hitting him. Ren, standing powerless over the carnage below him, observing the future Knights of Ren burning up the last bodies of their classmates under the pouring rainstorm. The stench of death did not leave him, neither did the ashes collected, kept as a reminder. A reminder, of what it took to become strong. It took a monster to become truly powerful. He recognized it, he did, now more than ever before.

He knew Luke expected him. His uncle had surely sensed him through the blood link they shared. Kylo took his time climbing down until he reached the bottom of the grassy hill. He stepped on the half-submerged rocks and stopped sharply when he glimpsed Luke Skywalker's silhouette blending with the sandy white façade of the imposing temple. He was standing but a few feet away from Ren, his own hood covering his features. Luke's silence spoke loud, his presence in the force burning like hundred suns, the unusual warmth Kylo remembered replaced by the threatening to burn aura supreme leader and so many others feared. Kylo fought to keep his ground, but the power of the legendary Skywalkers, the blood of his grandfather exhibited itself in such clear way in his uncle, he was in silent awe. That power… it belonged to him. He was the one truly worthy of it. Ren was first to break the tense silence.

-I have returned. I have finally found you… uncle.

He was getting drunk, heady on the excitement of the encounter. After almost ten years, they meet again, teacher and student, uncle and nephew. This moment, he had been preparing for. Bittersweet pain and relief flooded through him, much similar to when he had last seen Han. His heart was elated at the chance to fight, to measure his skill to this man, this man who had banished and forsaken him. His blood was rushing. He observed as the old Jedi stood still. He was dressed solemnly, his robes more ceremonious, gone were the tattered Jedi tunics, he even had a beard. His uncle slowly lifted his hood. Oh, yes he had changed indeed.

-Ben…

Kylo couldn't help but evade that piercing stare. He had forgotten how stark and bright those clear eyes were. They had turned both wiser and colder. He answered with conviction:

-No! Your Ben is gone, I buried him. Like I buried the rest of your students…remember uncle? I have come to bury you too… Luke Skywalker, your time is over.

-As you wish then. Kylo Ren. Look at me then. Look at your opponent! Or do you fear me? I see the mask is gone. Did you have it on when you killed your father? …there was a heavy pause filled with suppressed anger, then the calm returned

-You have grown Ben… grown older but become weaker. Look at me!

Kylo turned his face and focused on those all-knowing tired eyes. The tragedies that have marked them let their true age appear. Luke looked venerable but grief-stricken, hollow-cheeked and dimmed featured. Ben barely recognized him. The vigorous young man he had known was gone.

-Ben, Kylo Ren. Before you do what you have come for, listen to me! I remember how you used to be, so lonely and secluded, we could never understand what happened in your mind. And we… I acted wrong. I was wrong. Back at the academy, I didn't… hadn't meant to exile you, I was a coward and an idiot and I pushed you away. For that, I am sorry Ben. Once upon a time, I was consumed with revenge, just like you. My dearest friend was killed and I ran away. I didn't listen to my master and went blindly to face him… You know who. He seemed far gone then, to the darkness. We fought and my arm well, it is my only souvenir of him. That and his saber. He tried to make me join him, that he did. Which was still nicer than what he did to your mother, his own daughter. He was a horrible man, one of the cruelest this galaxy had yet seen. But he didn't use to be like this you know, he had been a slave once, hated all injustice. He felt in love with your grandmother and accomplished great deeds. Even in his last moments, as he sacrificed himself to kill the emperor… he saved me. It was late, too late maybe… but he regretted it, his choice, he saw the light before he succumbed. He told me.

Luke took a pause, almost out of breath, as if he hadn't spoken this much in years. Kylo was wide-eyed, too stunned to interfere, clutching his thick robes with a grip of iron and steel.

-I know, I have never told you this and there is much more where that came from, however… However it took me years to gather all the information abut his life and even longer to come to terms with my feelings. To accept them, being here helped. Ahch-To is a sacred planet, meditating here on the meaning of events is to get closer to the source of the truth in the force. I just have so many things to tell you, Ben. I dare believe there is still some light in you, like there was in him. Whatever lies Snoke has fed you, this is the only truth of what happened. You must know it, you can feel it through the Force, through his artifacts. Darth Vader was a conflicted man, a lost soul. But he came back, he did. It is not too late Ben… Kylo Ren, no matter who you have become, I have faith in you now as I lacked it in the past… Say something…

The knight of Ren was silent; his heart was a thrumming string. The darkness was crushing him in its embrace, commanding him to act, to exact revenge, not to listen, not to give in. Those words were lies, Luke had pushed him away, ridiculed him, feared him, hated him. He was jealous of his nephew's power and desired his demise. A coward, a liar!

Kylo sprinted towards the older man, lighting up his crimson saber as he went.

-That's your decision then. I won't give in so easily boy. Try to spill my blood. The light is strong here.

Luke declared calmly as he took a step back throwing his cloak down. Kylo's growing anger gave him a heady rush as he twirled his weapon and slashed across thin air. Luke evaded easily; his lighting speed had improved. Curse the old bastard. He wouldn't make this easy for Ren. As he kept up with a merciless series of slashes he barked

-Where is it! My heritage, give it back to me!

Luke didn't answer but kept on evading his nephew's brutal attacks. He was forced to jump over the staircases of the temple to avoid a flying debris sent his way by Ren. His right mechanical arm gleamed in the last sunlight as he finally seemed to ignite his old green saber parrying a heavy coup from Ren's newly repaired one. Sparks flew everywhere reflecting thousand fold at they bay's clear surface. The bright glint of the detested laser reawakened Kylo's shrouded memories, pushing him to madness.

-My saber, give it to me! It belongs to me!

The Jedi master tried unsuccessfully to sun djem him into disarming but the exhaust shafts thwarted his plan with their unpredictable fluctuation. Being much larger than his uncle. Kylo used his physical advantage to force him into retreat swiping his blade in diagonal lines, almost groaning in pleasure from the challenge of a worthy opponent. Luke was all finesse and precision as he parried carefully each aggressive strike, avoiding any offensive forms but relying on his Soresu and Makashi for complete defense. Ren was not going to have any of it though as he gave a particularly brutal swipe at the Jedi's saber, deflecting it to the left. He followed with a quick slash at his unprotected right side with the saber's scorching hilt shaft. Luke grunted at the inflicted wound.

Blood spattered from a deep gash on his stomach but he managed to force push Ren in the shallow water. The knight's still fragile ribs throbbed from the impact but Kylo stood up, water streaming down his cloak. He barely got out of the way of a boulder thrown his way, his honed instincts kicking in. He jumped back on the terrace swiping his saber low at Luke's feet. His uncle was quick and parried his blade out of the way. He pushed Kylo again on the ground and send a boulder as big as a training droid straight at his chest. The weight of it smashed his side and he tasted tangy blood in his mouth. He was laughing inside, the pain, it was good, it helped him focus. Feeding his hatred, it will help him keep the momentum. This fight was dirtier than the last they had years ago, but this time his old master wouldn't escape.

Ren could clearly see the old man was out of practice, his forehead now wrinkled in concentration, glistening with sweat, yet still managing to keep his expression infuriatingly serene. He almost had him now, Luke was tiring. Spitting blood Kylo surprised him from his prone position with the long-practised tongue of the force lighting he was saving up. Yes! He had him now, the Jedi scum wasn't expecting this.

The purple-white ribbons of electricity enveloped their victim, raising its body from the ground, crushing it in sharp convulsions for what seemed like an eternity until it crumbled back down. The sparks died away as Ren's hand lowered.

He walked towards the prone body of his uncle. There were slight tremors running back and forth over the clothed form. The demons inside him were cheering. He was so close. The last Jedi to disappear, another part of his hated family destroyed. He could only stare down, face vacant, as Luke managed to stutter:

-Ben… Kill me, but spare her… She… is… is important… the answer. Please…

His words died on his lips at a wave from the knight's hand. Luke's eyes were shut, his body listless. Kylo felt his disappointment and despair, his erratic desperate pulse, his slowing heartbeat. He turned around.

His own rage redoubled, stormed and blustered as he slashed and hacked at every surface on his way to the stone entrance.

The pull of the Temple was strong, the light was powerful and it felt calming. Somehow it didn't weaken him nor harm him, but it silenced the ever-present ghost voices of the bloody artifacts absorbed throughout his training. I didn't burn like it was supposed to, nor did it push him away, instead the temple invited him in, despite who he was. He didn't have time to ponder upon that fact, his thoughts much too muddled as it was. And he had a purpose. He concentrated on that strange bond. Like a warm presence, it manifested itself further in the space and he followed. Similar to Moraband, the structure was gigantic, even half destroyed and emptied, its wooden halls were spectacular, its walls and corridors masterfully carved. The crafted wonder was but a leftover of times long gone now. Such ruins of ancient temples were scattered throughout the galaxy, many thought their existence mythological. Only trained and educated force users knew of the existence of the ancients, their discovery and mastery of the midichlorians. Some savants even suspected the so-called architects came through the dark holes, from the unknown universe. Very little has been discovered of their past, identity, their research and their constructions, like Centerpoint Station or Aur Diamonds. Some of their so-called temples had clear side connotation, be it light or dark. But the First Jedi Temple was different, as he could witness. It felt like the place was inhabited by both sides of the force and other nuances too. What could it mean he wondered; how much did this sect of the Ancients really know about the force?

His present and past masters were equally obsessed with the origins of the force. Where did light and dark draw their sources? Snoke wanted to discover the secrets of power, of course, the secrets of becoming the ultimate all-powerful force user, one of the reasons he had been interested in the Skywalker family to begin with, he had confessed. Following the illustrious career of Lord Vader, he had been dismayed to witness his tragic end. Since then he had sought the destined one to surpass the Sith Lord and thus had found young Ben Solo, the forgotten naïve slip of a boy, training to be a Jedi. In him, he had found the legend of the force bound chosen-one. Kylo grinned grimly.

Luke, on his side, had always spoken of the legendary Temple with veneration. He had been deep into his religion then, trying helplessly to revive on his own a cult he had only heard about from the ghosts of his past masters Yoda and Ben Kenobi. So taken he had been by his quest that he had convinced Leia and Han to name their only child after the old Jedi. Well, how disappointed would this Kenobi be to see his name on a dark user, a dark user that demolished his student?

But back then Luke had been too busy with constructing the academy and teaching to follow that temple dream of his. He said he had found peace and enlightenment here. Said that the temple was special. Kylo wondered of the truth of it. The truth of it all.

One thing was certain, it all led him to this storied place. The one he was intruding in, penetrating its secret depths. The energy in here felt peculiar, distinguished from any other type he had sensed in his exploits. The light and dark mixed in just so. And something else. That energy… it did remind him of something though. And as he finally entered the hidden chamber he remembered.

It was her. Of course. Lying with her hair undone, clothed in the well-remembered Jedi training garb, his grandfather's saber clutched in her thin fingers over her stomach. Like the princesses fallen forever asleep, awaiting their princes in the tales told to silly children. Without realizing it her warm energy had pulled him here; the same force signature the temple exhaled. He moved as if in trance and stood next to her stone bed, gazing down at her. She was still under his spell, sleeping for the last three days, an unwilling assistant in his mission to find the planet. She had served her purpose well this dreaming maiden but the prince that she would find when she woke up won't be the one she'd have wished for. But she shouldn't wake no, because if she did he'd have to…


	13. Ahch-To Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my Ao3 fans happy new year. To all of you reading my story I have a lot more in store they will be part 4 and 5 of this adventure and I have started writing the following events as well. Let's hope Reylo will be canon this year and God bless Carrie Fisher rest in peace our princess :( Hope you enjoy some budding romance and stay tuned for next chapter soon. All comments are welcome and encouraged! Thank you! Now beta-ed by the amazing merbirdgirl!

The platform shook once before dropping at breakneck speed through the ground. He had no time to jump away before a panel slid above the floor, now ceiling. He was holding tightly the unconscious girl looking anxiously around for the next surprise, his saber ready at hand. But nothing more happened, the floor kept descending at a steady pace, the pedestal had sunk into the platform and the whole of it was falling far under the mountain. When the platform finally landed in the middle of another chamber, he couldn’t figure if it was similar to the one they fell through or completely different, he had not been paying attention. He was now though as he sensed for any disturbance in the force, for any living presence, but there was nothing but the slight buzzing of the temple energy. A trap? By Luke?

Impossible, he would never leave his precious padawan trapped in here with him. Blast it! What then?

Several minutes later he had explored the narrow space confirming his suspicions - they were locked in here with no water, no food, no heat. He looked at where he had laid the girl on the cold stone; she had curled onto herself holding his grandfather’s saber like a precious treasure. This was a problem. He hadn’t planned for this. As he tried to use his lighting to inflame the igniting powder he had in his satchel, he discovered another problem. He couldn’t. He was incapable of using the force here! He tried again, tried levitating and other techniques, the force never materialized out of his body. Cursed architects! Damn it! His anger flared up and he activated his only available weapon.

The fire was burning for a while now; it had gotten warmer inside at least, the smoke disappearing in some unseen shaft on the top side. Kylo was sitting down, his elbows resting on his folded knees, his chest pulsing with restrained pain. He was looking at the fire. Or at what lay beyond it. The scavenger was twisting, shaking slightly, her fingers and eyelids twitching in the orange light. She whimpered. He lifted his hands over his eyes but wished he cover his ears as well. Now was the time, he had to finish his mission, end this ridiculous weakness. Her light was just too strong and her darkness it didn’t control her. He couldn’t twist her; she was too... too tenacious. The ghosts weren’t here to whisper all the right reasons but he knew them. Compassion and pity it all led to the cursed light. That light he thought now dead and buried inside him this creature it kept testing him, awakening new emotions that were inadmissible. He had to end it now, no more doubts; this was the only way to get stronger. Do it, you weak fool! 

He stood up stone-faced, advanced on the body, lit up his saber, the red plasma dripping blood. His facade crumpled, his grip shook. Trembling in rage, a fury more devastating than any he had known incinerated his every nerve, he was panting, pacing, pulling viciously at his mane. The bond, this cursed thing, this bloody fucking thread they had sewn, it was causing this agony, his heart ached so much why... why! Like the interrogation, like the first dream, he had her at his mercy. One hit and this bond chaining him to the light would be over, her life... would be over. He approached hastily, readied his weapon above her bare neck... it would be quick, she wouldn’t have to suffer, Snoke would never get her, this war won't taint her, he wouldn’t haunt her anymore. The shadows in the chamber thickened like tar and stretched, the air wasn’t enough, he was suffocating. Kylo felt to his knees, his saber tossed to the side bathing the floor in flashing scarlet. It hurt him looking at her. That trapped body would be the ultimate step to coveted power, but he didn’t want it, not like this. He couldn’t, this girl, this light, Rey meant too much. His soul would die if she did. What had she done to him? He shook with silent sobs.

After some time had passed in silent reflection, he waved his hand over her wrinkled brow, saw the lines smooth out, the nightmares were over.  
He was sitting across the fire looking adrift at the flames when he saw her stir. Ren felt her panic through the raw connection opening; felt her fear like it was his own. He blocked it and observed her.

Her soft brown hair swept the stones as she lifted herself halfway crying:

-Emperor… no!

Then she snapped around like a scared rabbit and he prepared himself for the inevitable reaction, resisting the urge to press the switch of the hilt in his hand. She looked times lovelier than in his dreams, even with her hazel eyes red and swollen from the long sleep. He had used the bond to trap her, the nightmares must have been dreadful, the emperor?

-You! ...what... Luke! Where is he? What have you done to him? What have you done to me?

To his displeasure she moved away from him, backing against the wall, dropping Vader’s lightsaber in her panic, she picked it back up gingerly.  
He took a deep breath and stared at the fire.

-We are inside the Jedi Temple. Luke had hidden you here, believing I won’t be able to get in.

He gestured in a wide circle; his bruises throbbed painfully at the movement. He winced.

-As you can see, his plan failed, I had no trouble entering your sacred hideout. When I reached you in the room above a trap activated and the chamber fell down here. There is no exit. Your master had laid you as bait scavenger, now we are in his trap. Not that he could profit any longer.  
Rey didn’t move from her place but cursed as she rubbed at her chest where the pain from his smashed ribs was spreading. He didn’t recognize the swear, must have been some local Jakku dialect. He tried to not pay attention but his curiosity was too grand. Seeing her alive and active, moving around, no longer a prisoner strapped to a chair, was fascinating. Even if the only reactions she exhibited were of the sort he was used to, fear, hate, and resentment. He shouldn’t be surprised, really, but he didn’t know what to tell her. She was smart enough to figure the truth out. She could feel his wounds.

-Luke... you found us... how? You used me! You trapped me in that nightmare! How... how could you, after I healed you. You tell me where he is, right now you son of a bantha. Did you kill him?

She didn’t wait for an answer. Rey activated the blue saber like she had used it all her life, then jumped right in front of the fire slashing at his legs. He sprang to his feet before she could land a hit, damn she was fast. Her face was set in cold determination as she expertly swung the laser in circles singing his cloak as he evaded. Bloody fool, this was the worst place for a duel, especially a lightsaber one. They could barely parry each other, the chamber only a dozen feet wide and there was the fire. Someone was going to get hurt. He spoke in his commanding tone.

-Stop it!

But she was beyond listening, like when they fought on Starkiller. The force was thick and swooping, being pulled into her like a cyclone, concentrating on her form. Without knowing it she was channeling her emotions to suck the force from the environs, feeding her rage.  
He uttered in awe.

-Such power…

Ren struggled to elude her coups without retaliating, moving carefully around the fire. She had the clear advantage due to her smaller frame. He couldn’t execute his usual wide swings and twirls. But her… she was something beautiful, a lithe desert animal. She still had a lot to learn but her raw potential, after only a couple of months of training by obsolete methods, was astounding. The violence in her heart, the beauty of her fury, she reminded him so much of his own conflicts. Again he felt compelled to teach her, be the one she answered to, be his equal, lead by his side. As he bent backward, her blade cut a piece of his cloak. The air filled with the smell of burnt wool.

The strain from the previous fight was taking a toll on him. But this duel was invigorating, for the first time since his youth he enjoyed crossing blades with an opponent, for the simple pleasure of it. It was getting interesting. She would be a real match for him soon, as of now it was those bursts of raw force he had to be careful of. She was too wild, exercised no control, what had his uncle been doing? He knew what losing control meant, but she needed to reign in the anger, use it as fuel, never let it consume her.

His wild plasma clashed against hers. Caught in the moment he taunted:

-Your rage, scavenger. Give into it; let me show you the path. You will make a magnificent knight.

The jab from his words must have cut deep as she shouted and drove him to the opposing wall with a surge of untamed strength. He could have overpowered her with the force but his abilities were blocked here, it was but a clashing of sabers and he didn’t wish to go all in, didn’t want to hurt her. He let himself be pushed. She was already panting. Sleeping for so long had weakened her body. As she trapped him against the carved wall, her face was close. He saw the trace of the nightmares. He had baited her there, tested her limits and now she hated him for certain. Looking down at her almond-shaped hazed and dazed expression made his mouth dry, the red-rimmed pools of leftover pain told stories of horror.

Her saber slid against his own, closer to his cowl, almost grazing the scar. Then she froze her movement, looking at his cheek, following the faint line of the cicatrice with her wide eyes. He was mesmerized, something in him ached to have her this close, for her to hate him so. The things he kept inflicting on her.

-Rey... he murmured under the buzzing of the sabers, ...I am sorry.

She pulled him down with her free arm, approaching his face. He wondered if she heard him as her own gaze fell upon his lips for a moment shorter than time. Her own were so close now, only a breath away, he could almost hear her expiration beyond the sizzling of the crossed sabers. Her eyes sparkled with the reflection of indigo and fire and he felt the electricity crackle. The bond pulsed.

The wall exploded in a ruckus of thousand flying pieces of stone tiles and he found himself thrown in the pile of debris. Her shadow swept past him.

Curse her ruse! He stood up swearing, brushing the dirt from his black robes. She had him hypnotized with her kriffing magic.

He cared little for where he had ended up, the thought of going after her was fixed in his mind. A déjà vu of Takodana and the cat and mouse game resurfaced. His stomach lurched at the memory as he ran faster through the newly revealed hallways.

Particles in the air shimmered as they illuminated the eons old mossy cobblestones, disappearing in the water covering every surface. Rivulets were running down the hieroglyph-covered walls. It smelt lightly of musty humid rocks and decaying vegetation. The secret universe of the submerged Jedi temple was too eerie for his taste. No older than Jedi... the ancients have kept their secrets well. Somehow the two force users had gotten out of their trap... Rey had done something. He had to find her!

His black shadow ran swiftly in the aquatic maze, his steps making too much noise, splashing the still liquid surface of the underground corridors. He couldn’t hear her; she was better at sneaking than he was, little desert rat. But he sensed her through the bond; she was near, so tired and desperate.

His dark instincts awakened the predator again, through the forests, snow-covered plains and dreams, he would find her. She was his prey.  
Using his heightened senses, he flew over the flasks, passing under light beams, the drops dripping from his cloak and his splashes were the only sounds breaking the mysterious silence.

-Aaaaarg! – he roared as the blue light cut into his bicep. Ren turned around but she was gone again. Stars be damned, bloody hell it hurt.

He growled in rage. If only he could use his mind and force tricks here, she would be destroyed. He sprang, furiously slashing with his cracking blade at the walls as he approached her signature.

-Now, now, no need to hide scavenger. Old habits die hard I see. Come out and surrender, I won’t hurt you…

He almost spat the last word as he kept checking every crack and crevice in this labyrinth, all empty dead ends. She was near; the bond radiated her panic. Ren could smell her fear.

The blue blade came again out of nowhere aiming for his unprotected back but he dodged in time, the remains of his ragged cape falling cut at his feet. His arm was bleeding profusely now. Kriffing rat!

-Girl, don’t play with me! Or you won’t live to see the end of this adventure. I am undefeated, the commander of the Order of Ren. Ask the last foolish knight that crossed me. Show your face now or I won’t be so generous with you next time. Or are you scared?

She jumped right in front of him, falling from some hidden column. In a devastatingly beautiful example of the third form, she slashed at his neck. He parried, and their combat began anew. The thrill of it grew exponential to the nicks and cuts they inflicted on each other. But he had pushed her to the end of the long hallway, his own djem so’s heavy blows overwhelming her. His excitement was heating his frozen-by-the-humidity flesh. She was drenched in sweat, her loose hair sticking to her forehead, her short trousers darkened by the splatters, her shirt moving against her skin with each heaving breath, eyes shining in determination.

He felt it then, that alien sensation, that tingling in his spine, the tightening in his stomach and lower... He wanted her! Right now. In any way, anyhow, panting thus, squirming with that expression of defiance on her face, underneath him. Screaming in pleasure, screaming his name. He was mad with desire. She did this to him.

The next time he attacked viciously, harder than before, she was struggling against him, valiant, strong. Rey used all of her stamina to kick him away but he grabbed her foot and she slipped. He used his stature hacking at her mercilessly on the ground, relishing in that wild look she had. But he let her stand up. He wanted more. When she regained balance he continued the assault. Ren had them inside the end chamber. He pushed further.

A loud crash deafened them. No...! Not another trap! The opening had closed. They were locked.

She realized it as well and paled. Her strength was almost over, the adrenaline was the only thing keeping her standing. With a last burst of the force, using the distraction, she disarmed him and pressed him to the wall. Again.

He stood still heaving, letting her act, suddenly curious of her next move.

-Luke... is he dead? – She whispered staring up at him stubbornly, hiding barely contained despair.

He couldn’t stop the words coming out; her pain was scratching bloody fingers at the bond.

\- No... I let him live. –he could read the next question in her eyes.

\- I came alone, he is not a prisoner. The First Order doesn’t have him.

Her elegant eyebrows creased in the middle, her pink lips opened in a soft question.

-And me?

He frowned; his thoughts were in disarray.

-You... you are a weakness. My worst weakness. Won’t you kill me now scavenger?

Her head bowed down, her ears were colored in the faintest red flush. Rey turned off the saber pressing on his neck, soundlessly and carefully tucked it in her belt. He was motionless, waiting.

-You are a monster. A monster that hurt my friends, Luke, the whole universe. A bloody murderer who tortures my mind. You deserve to die, I hate you.

Her words stabbed him but he wanted to see their confirmation in her bloody perfect eyes.

She grabbed his tunic suddenly, drawing him to her. Their lips smashed so unexpectedly he gasped and almost pulled back. What was she doing! He had to lean back, push her away, had to stop… had to... his logic short-circuited as her lips moved against his, clumsy and hungry. This... it was really happening? His eyes shut closed, disbelieving the unexpected pleasure, choosing ignorance. No more pain. Rey’s cold fingers traced his cheekbones momentarily before burying themselves in his locks. He had to grip his robes in a desperate attempt to resist. The temptation to get a hold of her, make sure she was truly there was irresistible. If he did though, he would lose control; he would crush her glass heart. 

Nevertheless, she wasn’t shy, she tried to get as much of him as she could, kissing him fast then painfully slow, changing her angles. He realized she had little experience so he tilted his jaw and glided his tongue over the line between warm lips, her teeth opened and he took over. She made a sound in the back of her throat as they explored each other, it drove him insane, he had to hear more. Her sweet virgin mouth tasted like paradise. Her nimble tongue licked inside his palette then got out and sucked and bit at his lips. She was insatiable, a quick learner, she didn’t know what she wanted so she took it all. His knees were weak from her heady embraces. Her fingers had taken a hold of the back of his neck, moving him closer to better access him. Their breaths existed barely to interrupt the pleasure, their mouths were inseparable, didn’t want to let go. Eons passed before the desperate need for oxygen returned. The death grip he had been clutching his robes with finally relaxed.

Her face inched away breathing hard, barely conscious, her dazed pupils found his and the sinfully erotic picture from his buried dreams materialized. He needed more, couldn’t control his instincts. Ren grasped her swooning body and enveloped it while mashing their starving for affection mouths together. His over-strained nerves unwound, he was falling, falling or ascending, he barely knew. His own fingers glided to her face, which he cradled disbelieving its palpable reality, scared to break her. That skin, so flushed and tender, he wished the leather was off to feel its texture. Her head almost disappeared between his large hands. He groaned as her curious digits found his ears... Bloody scavenger. She always found the best way to drive him to the edge. As to prove his point her tongue escaped his mouth to play with his lower lip that seemed to interest her particularly. He gasped when she bit hard enough to draw blood. In all the stars and universes, he swore if she went on he would ravage her until she couldn’t speak or bite. Little wildling... I want you.

With a loud smack of lips, she yanked back. Fingertips that were caressing tenderly were suddenly horrified, finding their place over her opened mouth. He watched helplessly as reality returned with vengeance, for there was no dream to wake up from this time.


	14. Ahch-To Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaay another chapter!!! Thank you sooooooooooooo much for the reviews, I almost dont get any and always wonder if people dont like some things, please any feedback is welcome, I do want to write better :) If you have any ideas feel free as well! Now beta-ed! Happy new year :)

The girl stepped back until she slid gracelessly down the cobblestones. She was clearly horrified by her passionate actions. He was no better himself, clear thought was slow to return, his movements were sluggish. The incredible buzz of electricity in the bond was still tingling between them. The bond-it felt different, stronger almost. He could sense the girl so much better, as if she were a lost part of himself, he never knew had missed. Even now he could hear her frantic pulse, her dissipating adrenaline, her self-punishing thoughts. Ren acutely missed the heat of her body next to him. He was empty, his own high crashing. As realization of their mutual act hit him he slid down the wall, staring at but not seeing the murmuring stream running down the opposite side.

Stars be blasted, he was supposed to kill her, to take her back...not to be… spellbound by her.

After some time Rey's clear voice intruded on his dark reflections.

"Where is Luke?"

Luke again! All she could think of was her idiot of a master. He was reminded of his chest throbbing horribly from the boulder her beloved teacher had smashed into him, breaking some ribs along the way; also, the cut she had slashed on his bicep was bleeding heavily. He didn't bother binding any of the wounds and switched to his pain absorbing meditation ' pain is good, use it to focus, Ren'. But he was drained, his body overexerted, his nerves needed a break. He tried to move to put less pressure on his wounds but his whole body protested. He sighted; further fights needed to be avoided at all costs.

"Luke is at the entrance of the temple where I left him...alive but unconscious. He will recuperate."

Her sense of relief was palpable. She believed him?

"Why? Why did you not kill him?"

He grimaced avoiding her piercing stare. A minute passed as he was lost in thousands of possible answers, some true some false. He managed a simple

"I don't know."

She switched her position in his peripheral vision. He felt a soft poke at the door of his blocked mind.

"And this? This connection? The dreams..the visions? How did you do this? You'd better reply this time...!"

Her confidence wavered at the half-meant threat. He fought a smirk at her audacity...no one had dared talk to him like that since his younger years, before his rise to power.

"Or what? You'll kiss me again?"

He didn't know why he brought it up. He had decided to forget the episode had ever happened. It was surely a product of hormones and adrenaline. He regretted saying it even more now that she went sullenly quiet. He rather liked her talking, mocking or insulting him, anything but this silence. He preferred seeing her alive like this, better than in any unrelating dream.

"The connection...it's called a bond. A force bond, if you like. It was documented in our archives, but not much was written. The bond was used by masters and apprentices to forge a permanent connection between one another. Don't look at me like that scavenger, yes, it is permanent. Only the death of one of us breaks it. And, yes, I don't like it anymore than you do. It allows the...partners to communicate through any distance, any space using the force. And..and allows them to create vivid dreams to share information. What I said last time was true, we can feel the other's physical pain and emotions, but that can be blocked to some extent.

He had no idea why he was telling her all of this, it was giving her an advantage. But he just needed to talk about it. It was something between the two of them. And he would use it to turn her to their side.

He continued "It is a damn cursed thing. Especially for you. In your situation as a Jedi, as part of the Resistance scum. If you were my apprentice however, it could prove extremely useful to us both. You see girl...I could have killed you a dozen times but I can see it happening, you joining us. This bond is just the beginning. It is a sign. The more you refuse, the worse the consequences for your friends at the Resistance. I won't be patient forever...neither will be Supreme Leader.

Rey laughed forcibly startling him enough to send a warning look at her. Sitting confidently against the wall she continued staring at him provokingly

"When will you drop the tough act, "Commander Ren?" I think you may be underestimating me a tad. I am not one of your brainwashed troopers. You think I haven't figured it out yet? I only needed your confirmation. This bond, it is unfortunate..but not only for me. I can feel it too...your fear. I can learn your plans just as easily. And get it through your thick ego-centric brain. I will never join you, never! I may not be strong enough yet, but I will become; remember that day because I will destroy you. And I know you won't kill me in the meantime, you've kept me alive until now. Why did you even come here? Does your master know you have found us? That you left us alive?

Bloody wench! How dare she still talk to him like that! Why wasn't she afraid? His usual goading tactics didn't seem to work on her. He had to admit she was sharp. But he wouldn't let his anger take over, he was still too vulnerable. Two could play that game. He shuddered suddenly, his clothes were still dripping wet, chilling his feverish skin and weeping wounds. He ignored them. He had to hit back

"Well, well, look who's showing some teeth. I wouldn't be one to talk about betrayal, wildling. Aren't you the one who initiated this whole debacle with your curiosity? Didn't you seek me out through the dreams, not once but twice, snooping around like the unmannered whelp you are? Most people would run away- avoid and try to bury the visions, but not you. I wonder … have you asked uncle about them. What did he say… hm? That you are going insane, that you are being too curious about your enemies? Weren't you curious about the temple, the dark side? Instead of blocking it, you looked for it. You looked for me. Am I that interesting to you? Oh I don't doubt you hate me...it's necessary. But healing your enemy, a dark lord, is that appropriate for a Jedi? Losing your mind and cool headedness like you did just now, fighting with emotion. Risking everything, risking the hope of the Resistance by providing me with Luke's location...Ahh...you are a very bad padawan indeed Rey. You just refuse to admit it yet, but the darkness is in you. It speaks to me."

He fixed her with a dark look, smirking. She held his stare; angry, ready to fire back, but snorted instead muttering some swears and making a crude gesture in his direction. It was so surreal this exchange of insults and accusations. Both of them throwing the another one's mistakes in each other's faces, trying to poke at delicate skin. How ridiculous it all seemed. He had never been riled up like this; usually a destructive spell would calm him down. Killing his opponents usually shut them up. Not this time. His conflicted feelings about the scavenger kept him from killing her. His gut twisted at sensing her suppressed fear and agony from the nightmares he had inflicted and it was nothing compared to the minor cuts blemishing her tan skin. Her eyes were sunken and tired but kept staring him down defiantly.

As time passed, the cold of the humid room and the running streamlet crept slowly through his bones, as time passed. But there was nothing to light, his powder supply was gone. They were trapped for real. He sneezed loudly. Damn it, not now! He tried to cover his humiliation with his sleeve but stopped midway at hearing a sound. His eyes and ears found its source...the girl. Chuckling. His ears felt hot all of a sudden as he stared, like a fool, at her smiling face. Unlike the spiteful laugh from earlier, this was a true lopsided moon born of amusement. Her light shone bright as she teased,

"What? Didn't know the all-powerful dark lord catch cold like the rest of us."

She tried to suppress another smile which made his own mouth almost curve up before he hit his upper arm, the shot of pain sobering him.

He had almost given in again! The brilliant twinkle of past joys, the light of happiness, they were lashing at the prison of his mind. He wouldn't let them out; the flood of suppressed memories was almost overflowing. When had been the last time he had heard someone laugh so pure-heartedly? He sank into the farthest corner away from that source of anguish and shut his eyes forcing the brightness away from him like a sickness.

...

"You see son, it's not that bad- you'll get the hang of it soon. When I was your age I was already riding the big ones."

A young Han hauled the lanky pale kid of about seven onto the back of a young guarlara. The kid looked at his father, terrified, holding tightly onto the black fur of the animal. Uncle Chewbacca encouraged him from somewhere close by, his deep cheerful grumble mixing in with the sounds of a busy farm. The yellow sun was bright in a magical autumn sky, the leaves and grass filling the boy's nostrils with new amazing smells. Mom was somewhere around; the cooks were preparing sweet cakes. It was his birthday after all. A loud slap resonated and the guarlara ran, the boy was holding tightly, scared but excited. The clear sky and orange grass filled his view; other animals were passing by left and right; the wind caressing his pale face. He was laughing then, it was fun! So much fun!

Upon returning triumphantly, his dad laughed with him and then uncle Chewie came to pat his head and roar in joy. The baby guarlara made funny sounds that made everyone laugh some more. They were all there, it was the best birthday!

The broken dam of memories spilled some more of its contents. Han being there only for his birthdays, always making the same jokes with uncle Chewie, laughing so freely, recounting crazy tales of past adventures, carefree and charming. Uncle Luke coming sometimes as well, laughing at young Ben's childish antics, playing with toy sabers, calling him adorable. Nanna Jen always smiling gently and giving him those knitted mittens, even though he almost never wore them. And his mamma; he remembered her smiling sometimes, she didn't laugh at dad's jokes but she laughed with Ben when he blew the candles.

The mirthful moments dissipated to give shape to the dark halls of the academy, the sudden loneliness, the estrangement, the bullying. He never saw those laughing faces again. They didn't visit and uncle was always so busy. Everyone was busy, with restoring the Jedi or the Republic or smuggling. They had all left him behind and they had all lied to him. Their crinkled joyful faces were gradually transformed into masks of horror and disappointment. Luke's broken body in the mud, his mother's devastating pain through the bond, Han's hand reaching out as he fell to his end. The faces of the children, screaming, blood pouring down their chins. The ghosts were calling for more, more! More sacrifices, more power, more pain. Han's face was begging him to come back. Han...Han...Father...

Something shook him and he blinked out of this dark vision. Rey was next to him, repeating something, her pale lips opening and closing, her fingers clutching his shoulder.

"Ren, Ren! What are you doing? What's wrong?"

His senses refocused and he swatted the arm away. This was none of her business! What was she doing so close to him; how did she dare touch him?

"Han,..you were calling Han's name."

She didn't add anything more but remained squatted next to him. His head pounded, it was a mess. This whole trip was a mess! Why did those cursed memories return again to taunt him? The mask usually hid the episodes and spared him the embarrassment. He had slipped this time. He felt the sweat gathered at his brow, the fever pulsing from his oozing gashes. He tried to move again but the stiff bruised bones refused to obey. The girl spoke quietly as if in a dream, looking at his side

\- In my nightmare there was a little boy. He was alone in the desert and we hid together. We were both running from the creature that was seeking us...the Emperor. I woke up before I knew what happened to him in that horrible place. It was so.. sad...empty...and dead…

She faltered, too affected, shifting her hands. He was gazing back at her- her words soothed him somehow. He knew the nightmare, but she wasn't supposed to have seen it. It should have been her own instead, but somehow both of their terrors had mixed up. The strange realization of it pushed him to respond

"Sorry...I am sorry for putting you there. That nightmare..I know how...dark this place is."

He gave another punch at his bicep, numbing the pain and stopping himself from babbling further like the weak fool he was becoming.

The girl knelt closer staring at the gash on his arm and his chest. Even though there was nothing there but his tunic, she must have felt the broken ribs through the force.

"These look pretty bad...I am tired of feeling stabbed to be honest. Can I...Can I...um…"

She looked like a scared animal, affecting him with her childish appearance again. Her freckles were dark in the shadow of the room. His heart was beating slow and loud, he clutched his fists and looked away. The blood loss was making him unfocused, he wasn't thinking straight. Otherwise why would he allow her to see him this weak? As her hand appeared in his side view, he instinctively snatched the wrist in mid air. They shared a long, awkward moment that was broken by two phrases he memorized.

"I won't hurt you. I need you...to escape from here."

He let out a suppressed breath and let her go. This was absurd...his enemy, his prisoner, a Jedi touching him willingly, healing him... As her white palm pressed over his upper arm he closed his lids. Had that kiss been a dream too? Or part of the hallucinations? He hissed at the strange stinging of the wounds, it felt like the bacta patches, but not quite, it was warmer, like before...like in the forest. The warmth of her force signature enveloped him, the soft pressure chased away the ghosts, he could see the brightness beyond the gloom of the memories. It felt too good, safe and serene, a cocoon of healing magic. He was enjoying it but he shouldn't as pain was all he knew. Yet he craved it shamefully. His pupils flew open when the glow retreated and the bond shivered with the spent force. He felt light and fit, his focus had returned. She was exhausted but didn't show it, numerous nicks were still covering her visible skin and he couldn't help but reach out and smear a drop of blood from her dirtied neck. Awkwardly looking away the scavenger stood up on shaky legs and announced loudly

"Good...now we need to find a way out of this place. Get up Ren."

As his pain went away , he did get up. He managed to cough up a pitiful:

"…Thanks"

She looked at him with a tired but curious expression. He felt like he had to say something more to her but there was the reality of their predicament. He went around exploring the small room. Nothing special but the usual hieroglyphs carved in the stones and the stream of water that was running down the left wall. It must have been escaping through some crevice until then, but even as they approached it, the water had already begun to gather on the rough surface of the floor. Shit! Bantha shit! The chamber was slowly but surely flooding. This trap was meant to be their grave. The girl swore under her breath. He shared the sentiment.

"This is bad...very bad" she kept repeating as she looked around, exploring the space around the crevice. The water was to their ankles now and Kylo was trying to remember something he had read, but he had never been good at traps and puzzles. This was certainly a puzzle to figure out, just like the previous one.

"Scavenger, do you know how this trap works? You found the exit in the previous chamber, remember? How did you do it? The explosion."

"I don't know!...It was… no, its stupid. There must be some mechanism somewhere."

"Tell me."

"It's just… I got close to you and at that precise spot at that moment, it was as if..." her energetic voice quieted down. The water was passing over her knees. He felt her resolve shake.

"Speak girl! Rey. Think!"

He was frantically running his hands over any possible cracks in the stone panels; the moss was sticky over the engraved writings, the pictures mocking their future victims. Rey's voice finally continued.

"It was as if it spoke to me...the force. It told me I had to be close to you right there and then it passed through me and the wall just exploded."

Her words struck him as incredulous. But she was already concentrating. He felt it, the force gathering around her half submerged small body. She walked around slowly as if searching for something then ordered:

"Go stand there"

He moved through the water to the wall she pointed at, then waited for her to join him. He felt her phobic fear of the liquid, her fear of losing her focus. Ren put his large hands on her shoulders, dipping them in the cold water. Her wet strands, fallen from the buns, floated behind her like black ribbons.

"Rey, concentrate. Let the force guide you. You won't fail. I'll make sure. You have to do it. I'm here!"

She was shaking badly but stared up at him with her large eyes, wide open and clear, full of some emotion. She leaned in, touching him and the force flowed. The wall erupted as a wave of rocks and water threw the force users somewhere unknown.

After the outburst died down and the last streams passed through the stones into a wooden floor Ren looked around. Rey was a few feet away from him sitting in a pile of rocks, bewildered, but otherwise unharmed.. Ren cleaned himself of the rubble, squeezed the moisture from his ragged tunic then emptyed his long boots. He'd be glad if he didn't see any lakes, rivers or oceans for some time; his skin was itching from the constant soaking. He must have looked dreadful, his hair...damn it. But he didn't hurt anymore and they were alive. The girl had saved them...again.

Speaking of the smart one, she was not in good condition. Ignoring the wet pants and shirt sticking to her like second skin, he noticed her wobbliness and pallor despite the light tan still present. All of those force tricks had left her drained; she was too inexperienced still to manage the toil. And yet, to be honest, he was impressed. Most of his knights would have collapsed after dueling him, then healing...not to mention the traps. She was made of tough stuff, but he already knew that. Such stubbornness he had rarely seen. No wonder Han had liked her.

But this place, it was something else, Ren thought as he explored cautiously. It was another long corridor but carved in wood this time, the curvy patterns shining under unseen glow torches. The question as to how did any wooden planks survive the millennia in the underbelly of an aquatic planet was easily answered. The architects. They had used such trees as were un-findable in the galaxy, such sturdy and force infused tools and materials that no one had figured out where they had originated from. One thing was certain, he thought as he observed the black and white colored corridor; this was the sanctuary. He and the girl had reached, or had been allowed to reach, the secret sanctuary of this most unique temple.

Now that there were no life-threatening traps or distracting padawans to obstruct him, he tried to remember his studies. He had read about the ancients' temples spread throughout the galaxy. They were but ruins nowadays, covered in this indecipherable pictogram tongue; there was not much to see inside. But underground complexes had been detected on other planets. They called them sanctuaries. Through every possible method, archaeologists had tried to penetrate the strange stone and wood, but the force weaved magic protected its creator's secrets. Thus many wondered as to the purpose and enigmatic powers of the sanctuaries. Especially Luke and Snoke, thirsty for the knowledge of the force origins. Kylo was not a savant and such secrets interested him only as far as his own power could be increased, so he had always skipped those inaccessible places. But now...

They had done it, a Knight of Ren and a backwater scavenger from Jakku. They had breached this sacred place of the force. Or had it been her all alone? No...somehow she had needed him, their contact. Their bond.

Of course! how hadn't he noticed until now...


	15. Ahch-To Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is long! I hope you don't mind. I am not sure with this chapter. I hope this doesn't feel too rushed. Thank you for your amazing encouraging messages and comments. Tell me what you think about this chapter and where you'd like to see this story go? I appreciate your feedback immensely, your reviews encourage me to continue :)  
> Now beta-ed by my friend, she's amazing! Thank you!

"Dark and light," he mumbled.

"You noticed too? Is that how we got in here? You with the dark and me well…ahem...

I wonder what it means…" *Yawn* "...all of this. Look at all these drawings!"

"Engravings. "he corrected, "Those are engravings of the Ancients' pictograms."

She glowered at him then turned back to the dark wall, her fingers ran slowly over the reliefs.

"Do you know what they say?"

He moved next to her, sweeping his hair out of his eyes. He took out his saber and started checking it for malfunctions. "No one does" he replied curtly, his patience running low with the never-ending questions.

"Look, these ones are kind of like little stick figures with swords? Are those sabers? The ones on the white tiles are the same as the ones on the dark side. ... she took a pause for a breath then continued: This wood is so smooth...I have never seen anything like it... But where are the doors? What is this place?"

He had been peering distractedly at the engravings not really paying attention, before finally noticing the tiny scenes depicting figures in motion. Force users combating with some primitive sabers, it appeared as if their crystals weren't encased, how peculiar. There were creatures and strange buildings walking on unknown worlds. Further down the wall the battle scenes were slowly replaced by...wait a minute, what was that? He ignited his saber near the wall panels.

"Hey, I'm talking to you. What are you looking at there? Hey, get that thing away from me!"

She pushed away his arm, trying to peek, then activated Darth's weapon to his annoyance. He used the combined light to try and distinguish the mysterious pictograms. Well, that one kind of looked like it was kneeling over the other...and those others were surely...and they were getting increasingly detailed... Bloody hell!

"What are they doing? Are they wrestling?"

They definitely weren't doing any such thing and she didn't need to find out. He moved in front of the explicit illustrations before her naive mind caught up. He looked down at her cerulean-tinted profile, the blade held protectively against her chest, staring questioningly at him.

"This is a sanctuary of the Celestials. The hidden underworld of this temple. It could surprise us with more traps so don't stay in one place for too long. We need to find the exit. And stop asking questions. "

Not that she'd listen.

"The Celestials? Are those the Ancients? I remember reading something about them in the archives above. And don't worry about the traps; back on Jakku I used to get trapped all the time, old ship tech you know. Getting out of traps was kind of my specialty, particularly getting out of tight places, when I was smaller of course.

He walked down the corridor, not listening, hoping she'd follow and forget about the scenes. By Caraya's soul what were those eccentrics doing here!

Her rambling was also confusing him, from fighting her enemy to ...kissing him...to chattering. Everything about this girl was chaotic. But as annoying as she could be, he craved hearing more about her life; pieces of the puzzle that she remained. He decided now was not the good time to reflect upon it though.

He had gotten to the end of the peculiar black and white hallway, a dead end. Great! Nothing but more carvings..aside from a slight pull in the force..there was something beyond the impenetrable dead end. He tried for the hundredth time to access his power and manipulate the environment. But the force was still being denied to him; bringing a troubling, hollow sensation. The force had always been with him, even when he hadn't been able to manipulate it correctly. Its absence was increasingly disturbing.

He looked in his periphery at the small woman tinkering at the smooth wall with some pick she had pulled out of thin air. At least she was here. Did she feel the same void?

"What are you..."

"Shut up, I'm working on it."

Indignation and anger rose immediately to the surface and he clenched his teeth. Ha! She'd pay for that insolence! ….but not now...no…there was time. For now, he would observe her attempts and wait for the eminent failure. As if she could disable the Celestial's technology. Very few engineers had ever even laid open their advanced machinery let alone...

Click.

He stood flabbergasted as the decorative geometrical patterns crackled and filled with blue electricity. The lines created complex new shapes as secret panels started sliding behind each other. Both of them took a step back.

He'd be damned. A hidden passage revealed itself as the panels finished their arrangement and the liquefied energy dripped down in blue sparks through invisible cracks on the floor. She...how?!

He felt her pride and excited curiosity coursing through the connection, pressing down on her own exhaustion. He wanted to tap in the bond and see further but decided she might notice; she was probably too busy to realize its open presence for now, so he was better as simple spectator.

His own excitement at the unexpected discovery spread with each new step inside the unknown. What could be hidden so well, what treasures awaited them after the trouble of solving these riddles, passing through all of the obstacles placed by the Ancients?

It was very dark at first, but the illumination, coming from the strange liquid energy flowing through the walls and floor, grew stronger, following their every step.

Suddenly the little streamlets gathered below and above them creating a living shimmering gigantic cupola. The carcass of a colossal construct of shining metals revealed itself underneath it. Surrounding it on the polished floor were glowing symbols. The dome's plasma-like surface shifted in chromatic chaos, reflecting caustics over the glowing, cathedral-like grand hall. Huge mouth-like black openings in the walls, led to other mysterious passages. The vision was literally out of this world. It looked as alien as anything Ren had ever seen. A musty, tangy iron smell permeated the space. And the force, that liquid that it inhabited, was everywhere, emitting a peculiar rippling sound like rustling leaves. He snapped his fingers and sparks exploded. Finally! He could feel it flow through him like water. So much concentrated power! Like on Moraband but stronger, so much stronger. He was sweating, his pupils dilating; he shivered at finding such unexpected potential in this hidden to the galaxy temple. But it had been the first and greatest one, the fabled Jedi Temple.

What could be its source? There had not been a sentient being in these halls for millennia at least. And why them? Why had they let them in? Their security system was definitely force based but selective as well, since it blocked any regular force use. Somehow the girl had figured it out, though she knew not how.

The two force sensitives cautiously approached the centerpiece of exquisitely designed machinery and before he had even thought about uttering a warning, she had already touched-no caressed the damn geometrical thing, admiring it from all sides, exploring all crevices and glossy panels. What was with her and mechs? That scraping of old ships must have turned into an obsession. She gawked and ooh-ed and aah-ed, pressing and pulling at random spots he hadn't even noticed. At least this thing seemed dead. He gave up on her suicidal curiosity and looked around on his own.

Apart from the fifty-meter towering piece of mysterious technology, the most prominent thing in the shimmering room were the three glowing glyphs a meter apart each from the centerpiece. He couldn't recognize them of course; they were in the swirly script of the builders, same as the engravings on every damn surface of this subterranean temple. Maybe the pictograms somehow explained their function…but how could they know?

\- "R'iia's shorts! What are those? How prettily they gleam! I don't recognize any of these metal alloys; maybe a mix of duratitanium and permasteel... "

She leaned over the symbols.

"Will they activate the machine?"

Her excitement was...charming? He studied her rose tinted cheeks and sparkling eyes. It made him gulp down.

"Stop being a moof-milker, I told you such places teem with traps that could kill us in an instant. You stay with me or your recklessness will kill us both."

Her happy face twisted into a frown and he cursed his temper, he wanted to see more of those dimples. But her anger pleased him too.

"Blast it! You are a true kill-joy. What does mister genius propose we do? This machine may be the way out. I have a feeling it is some form of transportation."

"It is not."

"It is!"

In her frustration, she stepped right onto one of the symbols. Its yellowish light flashed once then something started materializing around them. A point cloud, a holovid in full color. The dome light died.

Two babies, humanoids, were born in a strange place...a palace on an unknown rock. They grew up together, as inseparable as twin brothers, they were strong in the force. One was gentle, trusting and friendly; he followed the light path. The other was lonelier, angrier; he followed the darkness. It was implied that they both bent the force to their own volition and beliefs. As they were growing up, an evil force was observing them, hating them, and finally managed to capture the dark sibling in a prison of pain. The light sibling went to rescue his brother but was too naive and was caught as well. After many trials and developing a special connection in the force, they finally defeated the evil emperor and restored balance to the galaxy. The end of the holovid showed the two figures merging into one: one force, a chosen one. It was clearly the end of their lives as they ascended to the stars.

Stunned to silence Kylo could only stare through the empty air, realizing he knew this story. It was the legend, the one from the archives, though a variation. Had that myth come from the Celestials, ending up at the Moraband dark temple archives as well as here in the Jedi's first temple? Who were these brothers, had they ever lived? And the bond...his musings were interrupted by Rey who stepped on the second glyph. It glowed in blue and the next excerpt began.

Another pair of lives began- this time a man and a boy. They grew up separated; one training to become a warrior for the good, the other was bound in chains. The light force-user found the boy, he took him under his wing and trained him, recognizing his potential. In time, they became master and padawan. But the boy committed unjustified murder. He was pulled to the dark, thus refusing to forge the ultimate connection with his master. He delved further and further into paranoia and jealousy fed by a dark magician. The padawan had fallen in love and married a princess, but the dark magician and emperor deceived him, and he refused the happiness she offered. When the time came to join forces with his master to defeat the evil emperor that had returned, lost in his hatred and sick desire to revive the dead, the powerful youngster pushed his master away. They fought, the destined boy almost dying at the hand of his closest friend and master, becoming the one called Darth Vader. His wife dead at his hands, his children orphaned, he lost his mind and joined the emperor in his newly found empire.

Kylo's fists were clenched so hard, his fingernails cut through the fine leather; his teeth snapped painfully hard, his mind was racing like a pack of wild banthas. He felt Rey move to the next glyph and her apprehension and pity infuriated him further.

But the next and last episode began, and he could only watch helplessly as the painfully well-known protagonists took shape.

For their own protection, the newly orphaned twin babies grew up worlds apart, again in shocking contrast to one another's circumstances. The girl raised as a proud and rich noble, a commander and diplomat. The light was her nuance. Her brother led a happy childhood in a modest household; he too leaned towards goodness, courage, and generosity. The old master of their father oversaw the boy's instruction in the force, making sure he fought against the evil empire and his father. The elderly warrior and another powerful alien gave him a short education in the force, initiating him into a special order, dead and almost forgotten by then. The twin sister didn't employ her powers to train but fought to gather armies to oppose the emperor's tyranny. Ignorant of their origins, they joined forces and forged a bond that allowed them to defeat the emperor and their father. The chosen one of the dark, regretted his life choices at last, and helped save his son from the emperor before joining the force in his final sacrifice.

The last fading images showed the mask of the defeated father melting into a circle of black and white. The circle was spinning faster and faster mixing both shades into an eternal gray that bled into a single line. A middle separating the two extremes. A middle path in the force. A balance.

The strange rustling sound faded out along with the last fuzzy images leaving a void in the mind of Kylo Ren.

This was madness! Madness! Ridiculous made up stories. This was but another trap, surely, another test or a joke! He clenched his saber's hilt, looked around him, unseeing, seeking an outlet for the fire raging inside him. A sharp voice penetrated the thickening fog of his mind.

"Snap out of it!"

He looked to the side, seeing only red. The girl re-materialized slowly as she took a step back. He felt her fear. It intoxicated his reawakened instincts. He wanted the all enveloping darkness, he wanted to feel the pain. Anything but this. This confusion, it drove him mad; he didn't want to think. He needed to get out of this place. His mission- yes, he needed to bring his unsuspecting prisoner to the surface, to his ship, to his master. His master would explain everything to him...he had to.

Ren put away the saber with shaking grip, took deep breaths, remembering the old Jedi techniques. He needed to explore this place first, in case it contained valuable information or artifacts that could further his power. Nothing else mattered. Those ridiculous lies and traps. Ignoring the weary girl, he moved around the hall. There must be an anomaly, an artifact maybe, creating this strange liquid form of the force. After going around the alien machine a couple of times he found nothing but the ever-shifting walls of energy. He took long strides towards the first of the black holes. The scavenger didn't follow.

The dark passage led him to a similarly lit hall going as far as his eyes could see, he couldn't calculate the distance. This whole complex was incredibly vast. And this was its armory. A series of floating tables exposed an astonishing collection of weapons. No... not just any weapons-force sensitive ones. Kyber crystals called to him- dozens of them, others repelled his energy signature, most were neutral. All kinds of sabers, kyber swords, lances, axes and staffs filled this gallery;some of the more exotic weapons he hadn't even seen in the Moraband archives. It was a priceless treasure-trove of arms. His hand hovered over a ruby inset crystal saber, but he didn't touch it. It could be a trap, he realized, better check the other surprises this sanctuary reserved for its chosen guests. He would return later. His master would be delighted.

As he was leaving, he spotted the scavenger entering the weapon chamber. Her eyes widened in barely concealed awe before he passed by her, entering the next room. Let her enjoy it while she had the chance.

Star's end! It was huge in size, this one, at least thrice as large as the main hall. This must be the Sanctuary archives for certain. A hidden store of knowledge; invaluable. His eyes took in the highly advanced-looking holo-records and the central research console. There wasn't enough time in a black hole to explore the depths of this collection. He chuckled at the thought of Luke's ire as his nephew uncovered the find of his dreams.

As his eyes roamed over the signals depicting the titles his gaze was beckoned to a side panel where some levitating datapads lined the wall. Over a pictogram of what looked like a male and a female figurines and that same line connecting them stood a golden-plated datapad. He hesitated but pocketed it swiftly. That was strange. Why did he feel like a thief caught in the act when there was not a living soul around? It felt like he was being observed, judged. How ridiculous. It must be the fatigue.

There was a loud ringing in his head, like an insistent call from supreme leader. He panicked for a moment, but relaxed when he felt the familiar signature of the girl. She was calling him- great, she was getting the habit of it now. He took long strides outside, deciding not to let her know about his discovery, she was too curious, and he needed an edge of knowledge over her. He joined her in the main hall as she was peering through the third tunnel's archway.

"Look! Just look at that!"

He stood next to her wondering what was it that had gotten her so excited again. It looked like a simple cavern dug deeper into the rock...no...Crystals! Hundreds of them! A real kyber grotto; a rare sight, indeed. Concealed in their natural environment, the kyber crystals were growing softly in the rocky surface, beckoning. So, this is where all the power came from to fuel this place, the force felt so thick here! His earlier musings finally answered, he realized that such a concentration of power could only come from a kyber cavern. The minerals glowed, undisturbed for centuries, deep shades of ruby, turquoise, emerald and golds even silvery whites. Silently the two sensitives penetrated this most sacred place for any force user, be it Jedis, Siths or anything in-between.

The moment they passed the threshold into the cavern though, a loud rumbling made them jump. No..not again.! A loud crash resounded, and the entrance was quickly buried under tons of collapsing rock. Kylo tried force manipulation but any attempt at dislodging the debris couldn't bulge the blockade. The way back was barricaded. The wall looked like just another part of the cave now; a pile of innocuous rocks leading nowhere. No-one could suspect what treasures lay beyond it. Kylo muttered a curse as Rey followed by gasping in her Jakku dialect.

"The machine! The books! Blast it!"

"Curses!The drowning trap, now this...the Celestials... they have planned everything. Forget it. We need to find the exit before we get buried here under their next trap."

He strode ahead fighting the impulse to order her to follow him or drag her along. This place was unpredictable; he hadn't spared her only to have her die under a pile of rocks. She did follow though, and not too far behind. As quickly as they were trying to speed through the winding paths between stalactites and stalagmites, they couldn't help but stop to marvel at some unique kyber or other drawing them. He realized that the girl mustn't have put together her own saber yet, the way she gawked at the glowing force minerals. He would show her. He jeered mockingly,

\- "Never seen a kyber before, scavenger? You are staring like a beggar. "

Her indignation flared through the bond. He imagined her olive eyes shine, her mouth curl in that sweet frown.

"I have a name!"

He couldn't help but look behind his back at her, half smirking.

"Right. The desert rat has a name."

She passed by him making sure to shove him hard into a wall of stalagmites. He almost chuckled. She barely reached his shoulder, but she was strong.

After some half an hour or so of exploring, they finally caught sight of natural light streaming strong over the dull gleam of the crystals. By that time, the cavern had transformed into a regular narrow grotto, indistinguishable from any of the thousands of others perforating Ahch-To's volcanic isles.

With trepidation, they finally reached the exit to the surface. Kylo exhaled in relief as the familiar sight of green oceans and soft blue, cloudless skies greeted him. The sun was close to setting. No more dungeons and traps, no more temples or hidden caverns. He breathed in the salty fresh breeze. Finally, out!

"We did it! -Rey was smiling and stretching."

Looking around he tried to find a clue as to where they had ended up amidst the clone like islands. Had they passed underneath the ocean to another one? He concentrated and felt for Luke's signature and success! He sensed the faint trail of his unconscious uncle, where he had left him what felt like eons ago. Thankfully, they were still on the same island. Nonetheless, it was a surprise considering there was a gigantic labyrinth dug underground.

If he followed the path downhill, he could reach his ship at the other side of the small isle in no time. While the girl was distracted he slashed the rocks with a big X, marking the route for his master.

Standing atop a hill was how he had started this mission and now...now things had changed. He had come to kill Luke and take the girl. His mission...his orders. He had to follow them through the end. He had failed with Luke but it was not too late to bring the nuisance of scavenger to the Order. His power and influence would increase a hundredfold, his name would be cleared. Then why was he perspiring, his heart beating slowly, heavy-set like a ball of lead in his chest?

He froze the girl in place when she tried to leave his side, as if sensing what was about to transpire. Like when he caught her on Takodana; a pinned butterfly, a captured thing. Had she seen it in his head already. You are afraid you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader, she had uttered then. She had uncovered his biggest fear. He had already transgressed the rules he had set for himself on this mission; his pre-determined path to achieve the greatness of his grandfather. He had spared his uncle his deserved fate. If he was the chosen one, why was it so hard to come to his goal. Grandfather, hadn't I made enough sacrifices? His soul felt bared, he had let too much of the light in. It was what gnawed at him now, what ate at some consciousness he wasn't supposed to possess any more.

His mind was stabbed from the feeble attempts of the girl to break his hold. Yes...she would make a great student. But his; his alone. If he brought her to the Order again, Supreme Leader wouldn't let her escape. Not again. Would Ren succeed in convincing his master to leave the girl's charge to him? He doubted it.

Her pushing at his mind made him wince in pain; good thing she was depleted; otherwise, he may not have been able to keep her at bay quite so easily... His back was turned to her and he wished again he had his helmet on. Letting her see the revealing expression on his face was giving her the advantage to read him too easily. She was strong..so strong. And she affected him...too much. She was a weakness.

Her pleas of fear and fury made him turn around to face her. He stood in front of her, blocking the afternoon sun with his height. His breath hitched at the pool of wetness shining in her pupils. Her eyes were molten seas of stormy green, hurricanes of passion and stubborn determination. The fear and pain exposed her dark side, but through it like some brilliant sun, shone her bright encompassing goodness. Her ever present flame of life. She would never let him take her alive. In those dark temples, her light would fight and fight with fluttering wings until it dimmed and died along with her soul.

Ren reached in his robes, preparing the force manacles then caught her wrists. She tensed, her eyes widening, the dread heightening. He stood there immobile, unsure, conflicted. Then he let the soft flesh go, grazing the inside of her wrist with the barest of touches. She slumped down.

He took a step back and turned around, unable to look at her, ready to depart. Her fingers clutched fast around his sleeve halting him.

"Let me go scavenger or do you want to join me in the end? You want to be my prisoner again?

The silence behind gave him his answer and he started again but her hold kept him.

"When will we meet again?" she asked quietly.

Her question went through him like thunderbolt making him spin around.

"On the next battlefield." He wanted it to sound final but it ended up almost soft, his velvety voice resonating in the silence. His blood was turning hot and cold with every passing instant.

"No...no battles. In a month."

Almost afraid to breath, he followed in this madness she was planning.

"Where?"

"I'll find a place. I'll tell you in the dreams."

He was speechless. How could her decisions twist his life around again? His whole body was messed up, sending him millions of contradicting signals. His breath was coming faster and faster, his fingers tingling in expectation. And the force...the force was filling each of his midi-chlorians to the brim and he had never felt this unsure of how to act. She looked up at him through wet eyelashes and sparkling eyes, biting at her lip nervously. And he lost himself.

He swallowed her next words with his mouth. So bittersweet...tell me more Rey. I need to hear why you want me! He asked her lips. This time there was no gimmick, no dreams or bonds, trials, or hallucinations. Nothing to explain his weakness, his actions.

A kiss so fierce, a kiss of despair, of goodbye and see you again, of I hate you. Of I want you. I need you...Rey.

She melted into him, offering no resistance but pulling him as painfully close as possible, tasting him desperately. She was so delicious, like the cream on his birthday cake. He plunged his tongue into her mouth and took all he could. But any more and he would take it all, take her all.

The force brought the wind around them spinning dead leaves in its wake. The bond throbbed.

Between salty embraces his lips grazed her frozen ear.

"You have a day," he murmured "Get away with him as far as you can. Stay away from me."

He engulfed her shivering body one last time before pushing her away.

He swirled around heading back to his ship. Back to his life and his master. Not looking behind.


	16. Return to D'Qar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay friends! This is a mostly resuming chapter of catching up to the Resistance politics and side characters. Not too much romance, but don't worry in the next chapter it will pick up :D And who wants to bet 5 bucks Finn has a huge crush on Rey :D I had more written but had to cut it and add it to the next part because I felt it was too long. I will be happy to hear your opinion and feedback! Thank you for your koodos too : ) Bless you! Thanks to my wonderful beta!

After staring for a minute at the abruptly empty horizon, Rey wiped her face with her soiled sleeve and hurried full-speed down the hill.

Several hours later she had managed to somehow drag the body of her unconscious master aboard the ship they kept for emergencies. After packing their belongings and securing provisions, Rey was carefully navigating to D'Qar, straining to keep the fatigue and hysteria from overcoming her weary mind.

The trip was long and tiresome, but she managed to avoid any First Order tracker ships and TIE fighters along the way. Chewie wasn't here to co-pilot this time and it took all her skill and concentration to navigate to the green planet.

The moment she got permission and landed, she was surrounded by the cacophony of a large crowd. She felt their panic and excitement; they were waiting to see their long-awaited hero, Luke Skywalker. She watched, half-conscious, as he was taken to intensive care, her heart feeling heavy in her chest. She didn't even have the time to take a breath before being overwhelmed by the packs of soldiers and officials. On her last legs, and barely standing, she glimpsed the lovely, familiar face of Poe. Rey could barely even thank him before she collapsed onto the cot he brought her to. Her thoughts became foggy as she sank into oblivion.

The first time she awoke, she thought she had been here already. This bed…this grey-colored soldier block and the smell of sweat and ship oil. Her body was aching like an overburdened luggabeast, her force depleted. Was she back from Starkiller already? Starkiller…the fight…the ocean. Ahch-To. The Temple. Her belly got a sinking feeling as she fought the returning memories of how she ended up beaten again, bringing another wounded friend to the base. Starkiller wouldn't stop repeating itself. The same stupid mistakes, all over again.

"No.. no, no, no, no. Why is this happening to me? "she murmured to herself holding her head, crawling further into the warm blankets.

"Because someone somewhere decided you were worthy of it. And you are doing a great job so far" His sweet accent brought her sleepy gaze up. She met his twinkling eyes and grin. The scavenger pushed herself up on shaky legs right into his arms. Poe Dameron hugged her tight and patted her back softly as she wept on his shoulder.

"You are doing good Rey, You did great. You brought him back. He will be fine. Don't worry. We are here."

She hadn't realized how painfully she had needed this comforting, reassuring word of a…friend? She wiped her tears, abashed at her childish outburst, but did hug him repeatedly, making sure it was not another dream.

"Where are they? How long was I out?"

Poe chattered excitedly as he led her to get cleaned up, then further to the medical wing. He explained she had been out for at least 10 hours and everyone at the base was talking of her arrival. He didn't say anything about Finn though, which led Rey to assume some bad news might be coming.

But seeing Luke safe and stable in the luxurious suite they had prepared for him, filled her with relief. The bedside tables were covered with flowers. Medic droids were bustling. According to one of them he had some light burns but the real trauma from the electric shock was ebbing away, it hadn't been lethal to begin with, thus he would regain consciousness soon enough. The medic couldn't explain the cause of his condition. But Rey knew. A person who could strike down his desired victim with domination of dark power. Gritting her teeth, she bid herself to not let her fragile mood be ruined and let Poe bring her to their next destination. A surprise, he had said.

Walking through the polished, metal-plated corridors, crisscrossing at right angles, Rey felt like an ant in the enormous hive that was the Resistance base. It was filled with throngs of troopers hurrying to their assignments, avoiding the two friends. She wondered where the charming pilot would bring her next and hoped it involved food and explanations.

Poe stopped at a wall at the end of a long corridor, covered by Resistance flags, hanging bright and proud. All the personnel had disappeared from the corridors; the new strange silence was unnerving. Rey wondered if she was in trouble, finally being brought before the tribunal for high treason.

When the banners lifted and she was gently pushed beyond, her fear was deafened by the explosion of applause, whistling, and shouting from about two hundred or so uniformed fighters packed to the brim in the huge cafeteria. It took Rey a minute to recognize it was her they were cheering on. Unknown soldiers, pilots and staff shook her hands and patted her back.

"Be blessed by the force, Savior!"

"Thank you for bringing him back!"

"Our last hope, Jedi…"

These and many other compliments and appeals shamed her into quietude. The thought of so many souls coming here for her sake warmed her insides and made her want to scream in joy. Even though she knew she shouldn't enjoy it, she didn't deserve even an ounce of their pride. But she still smiled and expressed her gratefulness to the bright hopefuls surrounding her.

Finally, Poe made way for them through to the far end, where a real feast awaited. But before the starving scavenger could even take in the amount of food, a dark-skinned man shouted at her from the table he was leaning on.

"Rey!"

"Finn! Stars! You…Blaster-brain!"

Her words almost choked her. She let him wrap his arms around her leaving his crutches behind. She stared abashed at the sympathetic onlookers from behind his shoulder. As she embraced him, she ghosted the metal beneath the leather jacket…Oh Finn..

The trio now retired to Finn and Poe's shared quarters with the rest of the food and the bottles of Twi'lek liquor.

"...and then he told me the rest of the pilots want to help organize it; they wanted an air show too, and a parade…!"

"What? You can't be serious!"

"Yes, yes you know nothing; you have become famous since you went away Rey. Us, the people here, we were all waiting for news of you and Luke. When we learned the Order had been informed of Ahch-To's position, we thought it was too late. You must have been compromised and discovered."

"Finn's right, our young Jedi. We learned of the emergency ship's activation and then you arrived, somehow getting away from the Order, and brought master Luke. Our hope. The Resistance's last hope."

"The soldiers were so happy, they really needed this. We have suffered too many defeats recently." Poe added glumly.

"Why? What has been going on? You said so little during the holochron sessions. And Finn! Why didn't you show yourself! I was worried sick. Poe said you were recovering..."

Rey stopped eating for a moment to send him a mock-harsh stare, a sliver of her real disappointment of their deceit sneaked in her voice. Where were they when she had needed them?

"Blast it, we wanted to tell you, to surprise you. There was a mission to a nearby system and we thought of landing on Ahch-To to say hi and maybe witness this grand secret training. I had just gotten out of the cursed bacta tank and chiro. But Poe got a mission and then this happened.

Poe grinned guiltily sharing a concerned look with the slightly drunk ex-storm trooper.

"Hope you aren't too angry at your old buds Rey. We really missed you."

Finn's sweet and honest words melted any leftover resentment she might have had, and her lonely days seemed far behind. At least for tonight.

"No more regrets or secrets. Time to drink!" The pilot exclaimed.

As Poe raised his bottle and the three of them laughed, Rey succumbed to the exquisite pleasure of being amongst friends again.

...

The next morning brought her a nasty headache, what had Poe been mixing? Thankfully, no dream visions though. The bond was empty and silent, like a dead receiver. Rey knew it had been thus since the last meeting.

Even the slightest brush over those memories and the suppressed myriad of contradicting emotions threatened to drown her like that water trap. Her thoughts were a tangle she didn't want to unravel yet. Her moments with her friends were what she had counted on, yes, friends. She had them, finally, and they cared, they played no games. But a gnawing worm kept eating at her.

Her fear of the bond and what it meant was her excuse to think of him. She couldn't stop wondering if he got away, if he found his master, if he was punished. Then waves of hatred and anger crashed against these worries as Finn's broken body flashed to the front of her mind, his gentle eyes begging her to revenge him. How could he have broken Finn like that!

Kylo Ren…a monster, a cruel, guiltless, cunning killer. He would pay for what he had made her friends go through. She should tear him piece by piece, bleed him dry, destroy him! Her hatred pulsed through the force with bright red tremor. Then the monster's haunted eyes bore through and she knew even a drop of blood on his brow would break her resolve. She couldn't kill him, she couldn't even hurt him. Stars…

She had to admit it. She had helped him more times than she had…anyone in her life. She had had the chance to hurt him or at least let him simmer in constant pain. But, without understanding why, she ended up healing him, removing his pain, unconcerned with her own limits every single time. Stars knew he didn't deserve an ounce of this pity.

As she poked tenderly at the glass barrier she wondered why she had been blocked. Was he protecting their secret or was he sharing it with the Order even now? But, why would he? How could he explain he had let both of their biggest enemies go? Could his mission have been a hoax, some genius plan to trick her into trusting him? Was it…

What she couldn't shrug off were the emotions and memories she witnessed through the revelatory, bond in the Temple. His far-off lost expression, when he had muttered Han's name. And his ridiculous answer to her question. I don't know. He truly hadn't known why he hadn't killed Luke when he had the chance. And she believed him, gods help her.

Then he had let her go…he had been ready to knock her out and take the disgraced Padawan as his prisoner again. But he hadn't. He had had a dozen chances to kill her, awake or asleep, weak, or strong. But he hadn't. Sure, he still believed she would join the Order eventually. But it wasn't only that. The way he acted, something about his words, his anger. The dreams, the visions, the bond. He couldn't hide it all from her. She could see through him.

His light. It was there. There was still goodness in him, more than he knew, more than anyone suspected. He wasn't entirely corrupted. His light fought the dead darkness that was eating him. Or was she blindly projecting something to justify her own fixation…her desires? She had lost control again.

There were too many things to go through from the Temple adventure that made her ache and long, but thankfully Finn saved her with his arrival. Princess Leia had finally arrived back from her trip to the newly re-established Senate and wanted to see her.

After the explosion of Hosnian Prime, Rey would have thought the Republic over. How could any government survive the destruction of their capital, of the Senate? The thought of so many dead innocents, extinguished in a second, sickened her. She had felt something in that moment, even though she hadn't understood it back then; it had been the force crying out at its torn reality.

Finn told her that while the poor had perished unremembered, a large part of the high officials and traders had been tipped off in time to prepare and escape. It must have been the Order. Snoke may pretend to be just and fair in his tyranny but he was far sneakier than she expected. Why kill the ones who could give him support, credits and weapons later on? Those hypocritical games of politics sickened her.

Did Ren even comprehend the depth of his master's plots? Or did he still believe in those ridiculous ideals of an organized, united galaxy that Vader had? Well, now at least he had his grandfather's saber, she mused, he must be one step closer to the infamous villain.

Finn continued with his tale. So, since the Senate had resurrected to some extent, Leia had gone to ask for their continuous support. Without their resources the Resistance wouldn't last much longer.

Rey continued interrogating Finn while they crossed the numerous corridors. Soldiers stopped to stare at them; some greeted the two, proud to have such highly placed acquaintances. Rey had a sinking feeling at all this misplaced trust. The time was coming to face the consequences of her recklessness. She would have to explain herself and her error that brought this upon Luke and the Temple.

As they approached the control room with its lighting coming from the glow of numerous holograms, a busy Leia bid them to wait.

Rey tried not to be affected by the snub. The two women hadn't seen each other since Rey had left to find the general's brother months ago, damn they had even embraced during the leave-taking. Rey had grown to admire and like the tough exterior, no-bullshit general, hiding a gentle noble princess inside. Or at least that's how the romantic side of Rey saw things. It was to be expected that Leia had more important things to deal with then some back-water scavenger. Still…

"Rey! I am so glad to see you back with us and alive! Captain Finn how is your back?"

Finn replied sheepishly, as Rey thought, 'Captain'?

She answered in high spirits, " Glad to see you too, General…well…We got away. I managed to get back Luke, as I promised. Maybe not in the best shape though…"

To her surprise Leia laughed, her elaborate braids shook slightly.

" That's maybe the only way it could have happened. He was always so stubborn. I am happy to even see him here, out of that hermit hole. And he is tough, my brother. He will be up and around soon enough, preaching at us. And it's 'Leia' for you two. I am tired of feeling like some retired old lady."

Rey was mildly shocked by the casual tone of the general as she continued chatting and ushered them to a quieter corner. However, no place was far enough to hide them from the general's aides. One of their reports caught Rey's attention

"…arrived on Ahch-To. We have holovid feed from the drone left by Sir Chewbacca. Commander Kylo Ren is at that location, as well. We can show you later of course. It's recording."

"Yes, that would be best…"

"No!"

Rey's outcry brought the small group's attention to her.

"I need to see. Please!"

She didn't wait but started towards the holovid terminal that seemed to be showing a grainy feed of green slopes and black figures.

"Miss, you don't have the right to go there!"

The aide's words were drowned out for Rey. Her heart was pounding; she was biting furiously on her lip. The noisy feed cleared soon enough to show the basalt beauties that were the ships of the Order. Soldiers covered most of the hill around Luke's hut like angry ants. But there was no fire or destruction this time, a presence in their midst kept them organized and obedient. She saw the patch of red hair on the general recognizing him as the hateful Hux. Her focus was so intent that her eyes were watering. Where was he!

She felt Finn and Leia standing close behind discussing quietly, mentioning her name. She couldn't care less, she had to see, had to make sure.

Finally, after another streaming interruption, the holoscreen cleared and she felt his presence as he swept majestically into the scene. It felt like cold water poured down her back. Tidy organized soldiers suddenly moved away cowering and pushing to stand as far away as possible from the daunting dark commander. But his mask was gone now. Rey frantically hammered on the mental barrier forcing her will to penetrate the block.

'Quiet scavenger, it's not a good time.'

There was only a haughty whisper in her head before the barrier reconstructed again. She felt enraged and treated like some silly child. How dare he! However, after observing his figure in detail, a strange mix of relief and emptiness replaced the indignation. He was okay…

"Damn you…"

Rey must have spoken the last part aloud since Finn replied hoarsely.

" He will rot in Hutt's hells if I get my hands on his bloody mug. And I won't have to hit that mask anymore! Damn him, alright!"

Rey looked back at her friend's unusual vehemence; there was hatred in his eyes unlike any she had seen in him before. Her shame overwhelmed her as she turned her gaze away to look at the screen but there was only static now.

"We've lost contact, Madame. They discovered the drone."

"That will be enough Ja'an. Return to the command center. I will join you in ten. Rey, we need to talk. Alone. My apologies Finn, we can continue our discussion later. Follow me Rey."

The general led her to a quiet elegant chamber containing some cabinets, couches, and a solid planning table, all simple but of quality, as far as Rey could gauge. Leia sat behind a big blue tinted desk in the corner and motioned Rey to take a seat in front. This must be her office, she thought, as unease seeped through. And more shame. It reminded her of that time she got caught stealing by old Criobnah. It had been only one time: she had been desperate for some water, but the old woman had pulled her ears, teaching her that a thieving life on Jakku would be short and deadly.

She started practicing the story she had prepared when Leia's colonels had questioned her. But Rey knew this would be the real test to her modified story. Finn and Poe may have suspected something, and the colonels had been cautious, but this was the galaxy-famous commander of the Resistance…and his mother. Her palms were getting sweaty.

"So, what has my son done this time?"

Her voice was humor-laced, but Rey sensed the apprehension behind the question. Cursed force sensitivity.

"Well you see, Genera…um Leia, we were training, me and master Luke, but somehow he got through our defenses. One night he was in my dreams, then he looked at the stars and learned our coordinates. I don't know how he came, I just remember waking up trapped in a chamber with him, alone. I attacked him, and he escaped. He chased me, and we got trapped again, we almost drowned; the Ancient's temple was full of traps. I destroyed the wall and we found the Sanctuary.

I am sure you have in your reports everything we found there including the messages left by the Ancients. Then we found the cyber crystal cavern that collapsed leaving us to find the way out. Then…he was going to bring me back to his ship but didn't in the end and left me paralyzed. After I regained my strength I went to Luke. I knew he was alive; Kylo…Ren told me. He also warned me the Order would come soon after he left. I gathered the most important items, got Luke, and left." Rey answered awkwardly, cursing herself.

"Without sending us a distress signal before leaving Ahch-To?"

"I..I was busy, there was little time. He said the Order was going to arrive soon."

"And what makes you think anything he said was true?"

The general had steepled her fingers now atop the desk, an image of the true incarnation of justice. Her face was stone-like... Rey couldn't sense anything.

"Because he, Kylo Ren, told me he hadn't killed Luke and he didn't lie. He told me about the temple and he didn't hurt me or kidnap me; well, he tried but gave up. I think he may be having second thoughts, Leia…he even spoke Han's name in a stupor. Maybe he is changing? I am sure I felt it…the light in him."

Rey was greeted by the tiniest frown and widening of brown pupils before Leia stood up and leaned over her polished desk.

"My dear, it is clear how little you know about the world and politics. I don't blame you, considering your isolation."

"Listen…It is not in his personality to lie, that is true, but he did hide his dark nature from his uncle for years. And…then. Well… it was too late. Dark force users can be surprisingly convincing, just remember how the emperor lured my mother and father in trusting him. He and Snoke must be incredibly interested in you and your potential in the force to attempt this stunt. They will try anything to get you away from me and Luke."

"But General Organa, what about Luke?"

"It is strange indeed that Ren spared his uncle especially after…what happened between them. I will take into consideration what you have told me and what you haven't…Some things are amiss in your tale, yet I know you mean no harm. As to the lure of the dark side, I am sure my brother is more qualified to teach you about that. But for now, please remember which side you are on and don't trust the Order and my son's words so easily. He is beyond regret or redemption."

There was a heavy pause in which Rey sensed a repressed sadness in Leia. What did she mean by what happened between them…as if she was omitting something. As adamant as she seemed did she still feel for her son, after all? The princess's tired voice echoed: "Now, where was I…? In the name of the Resistance I* thank you for bringing Luke back to us. I don't know how you convinced him, but it seems he had taken on one last student. I may not act as cheerfully as the people at the party I heard someone threw for you, but I am truly happy to see my brother again…thank you Rey."

"And speaking of hopes and assistance we are in dire need of both. The Order had attacked our operations on Crait aiming to destroy our blaster factories. There is a standstill as we are speaking, but we have intel that there are First Order reinforcements arriving to tip the scale in their favor. It is a crucial planet and our forces are few and badly armed, the soldiers are discouraged, the pilots need hope. I see the words forming on your lips Rey, but no, we can't send Luke. First of all, he is still recovering. Secondly, there is his age and lack of desire. But most importantly, he is much more valuable as a faraway symbol of strength here. Besides, I don't think anyone can convince him to go."

"But what can I do? I am not even a proper padawan, let alone a Jedi, let alone a soldier…I know nothing about wars! I have only played on flight simulators… pretending…"

"I know dear, but you must learn quickly as this war is not going away any time soon. And you are a big part of it. Don't worry, I'll send Finn with you. Stars know how much he cares for you and wants to protect you." (At which point Rey swore she saw the general wink). Poe will be there as well with his precious ship the Black One. Also, you won't be under anyone's authority but mine, all you need to do is show up, be of some use, protect our soldiers, let them see we also have an important asset on our side. The Order may have the knights of Ren but we have you."

Rey was quiet; her head suddenly empty of thoughts and arguments.

"The ship for the mission leaves in two weeks, just enough time for you to prepare. You will pass some basic training in the meantime. My brother will wish to see you, as well. He has woken up. I will have to let you go now, I have another meeting. All is well I hope?"

Rey managed a defeated, "Uh, yes..." followed by a "Goodbye, Leia." as she left the office.


	17. Prepare for War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more hotness incoming! Are we approaching the M rating…hmm maybe, but I am the queen of slow-burns so you will have to wait a bit more my friends. Nothing sweeter than the slow fire of seduction. Sorry for the long-time update, but I am pretty busy with some big things right now. Don’t worry I still have plenty ready just need to type it down and organize it, make it make sense. I hope this chapter does makes sense though, the timeline is a bit muddled, a memory in a memory, hope I don’t lose you! As always let me know what you think, any comment or message is precious and lets me know people do care and read

As saddened and surprised as she was at the general’s treatment she had to pinch herself for the ultimate shock of seeing Luke again later the same day.

Gone was the frown and faraway expression, his eyes were shining and smiling. He was smiling. At her.

-Rey! Come over child.

There was exultation in his voice the sort she hadn’t heard since she met the same stone cold man months ago.

-L…. master Luke.

She fought the string of tears at seeing him in the med bay groomed and sitting up. The image of when she had found him crumbled and defeated on Ahch-To couldn’t stop returning. It had been as if a favorite hero from a fairytale had fallen, broken. All of it because of her…and him. Damn you Ren, curse you. Rey approached shyly expecting to be reprimanded again.

-I am so sorry for what happened! – the words spilled out predecessors of others wanting to erupt from unexpected depths.

He only looked at her in his overgrown beard. He seemed younger even with the grayness that was covering now most of his strands.

-Nonsense! How could it be your fault. How could you possibly know he would come? No..it is me. I thought all was lost I didn’t believe you had it in you to defeat him again, to push away the dark side. But you did. You saved us both!

-No…

\- And the temple! What happened exactly, tell me all of it. I read the reports by the military that interrogated you, but they don’t know a force lighting from a blaster shot.

\- No master Luke, listen to me. He came to us because of me. I led him to Ahch-To!

Luke grew still as his smile faded.

-Tell me.

-There is something between us… a connection of sorts. I have no idea how it formed and neither does he. I don’t think it was part of their plan. But he came in my dream and he saw the stars, the coordinates. It’s my fault. I should have stopped him on time. I am so sorry. You almost…died.

She choked it out finally, the immense guilt had been weighting down on her so hard she thought she would collapse. All this misplaced trust; she didn’t deserve it. He was hurt, almost dies because of her mistake. She lowered her head willing her self-control. She felt his callused hand take a hold of hers and pat her awkwardly.

-There, there. You should have told me Rey. If I knew in advance…I suspected they had done something to you of course, that comatose state you were in for days. It’s one of his…skills. I suspected he was coming, that is why I hid you in the temple, naively believing he won’t dare to enter. But what you are telling me, I need to know more, we need to find ways to block it or he will continue to manipulate you further. I begged him not to do it. I know he hates me but you, I hoped he wouldn’t hurt you. At least he didn’t…right?

Rey surveyed his face, the room had grown suddenly warmer.

-No! No…we fought, I thought he killed you, I attacked him, but he admitted he hadn’t. He couldn’t explain why.

She looked in his yes, strong and resolute:

-There is something happening to him master Luke! This bond, it lets me see inside his mind, sense his thoughts and fears. I think we could, I could change his mind. Maybe this could help us, or at least I could get information like he did!  
She could see his stare hardening but then something akin to pity or tenderness softened the notorious Skywalker’s tough exterior.

-Rey…to think I must have pushed you away as far as to force you into seeking him. Were you planning to tackle this by yourself? Again, I was a fool…I am not a good teacher or master. No let me speak my padawan. I promise I will do you right, I will do it properly this time. I won’t abandon you to the Order.

-M..master…

Rey wanted to argue, she was beginning to tire of this constant chiding. But this, what he said rang true. For the first time, someone had said such things to her…promised to be there for her…her mind was in a whirl. Luke had apologized…to her! Luke was being nice to her….he cared.

-No need to say more about this. I see how much this must have affected you but you are so strong. Stronger than me you are! You pushed him away. I am so proud! Now tell me what Leia spoke to you about? How are things here? I have been away so long.  
They spoke for a long while, but time passed unnoticed. More was said by Luke in the last hours than she had ever heard from him during their entire training. In a way, it was their first real discussion. He didn’t elaborate on why he changed his attitude towards her and she feared breaking this moment. Not when she was finally seeing this other side of him. She was happy. 

She told him in detail about the meetings in her dreams, about Moraband and her researches in the Temple library. About the time Ren put her to sleep and made her live those nightmares only to wake her up in the trap of the Temple. About the Ancient’s sanctuary and the strange prophetic holovids. About the crystals, the weapons, and archives. About them escaping and him letting her go warning her. Luke went through various transformations as her tale unfolded, his mouth grimacing in a comic way, his eyes flashing. Of course, she kept to herself the bits and pieces that would put her in his bad graces again if not land her in some jail cell. But mostly incur his disappointment. Obviously, she was withholding her suspicious actions, her besotting and charitable acts towards their enemy, because…well frankly because it was none of their business. She would untangle and fix it herself. She was not the naive child they thought she was. Finally, she tried again to present Ren’s actions in the new light in which she had seen him, hoping Luke at least would explain to her or help puzzle out the mess she was in. Rey tried to convince the Jedi she saw his nephew’s innermost fears and conflicts, she saw the light still present and fighting. She wanted to tell him she could help stray the dark knight from his murderous path. But the more she pleaded the less convinced her master remained. He then spoke about something that made her cringe:

\- I tried to talk him out of it when he came to me, and for a moment I almost thought he wouldn’t fight me, but the darkness brought his uncontrollable anger and hate, he was vicious, he fought to kill…he is lost Rey, no one can bring him back, not his family, nor his friends, we have lost him irrevocably. Han tried, I tried but there is no light left in him.

There is! He is not lost! She wanted to shout it aloud for everyone to hear but swallowed her own frustration and kept answering Luke’s questions. The Jedi sadness at his failed attempt to sway Ren gradually gave place to childish excitement when he speculated about the Temple. He didn’t let her go until C3PO rolled in scolding. Rey promised to return as she had her own questions and worries about the upcoming mission. She hadn’t even had the time to talk to Luke about it. In the meantime, she needed a plan, needed to think. She had decided on her own secret mission now and she would do anything to succeed, all their lives were depending on it.

 

Two weeks later, the end of a heavy downpour found Rey perched upon an abandoned TIE fighter. 

She was swinging her legs, enjoying the view. The torrential had washed yet again the lush grassy valleys all the way to the forest skirts where it had left a misty veiled belt. Pushing through the clouds the sun rays illuminated patches of grass sticks blinding white to the eye. The glistening metal corpses of the aircraft antiques nestled like the dead guardians of the Resistance base. Not so long ago the same scavenger had sat observing similar mechanical carcasses on the scorching wasteland of another quite different rock. Many times, she had asked herself about the tales those fallen machines could tell her, the secrets they kept, their sad destinies, once soaring the space, now buried and forgotten, nothing but discarded debris of the wars. She had worn the helmet of some dead unsung hero of the Republic, imagining the galaxy, those skies, and stars she never believed truly she would one day see with her own orphan eyes.

Why had her parents left her there and not on another less hostile rock like D’Qar or even Ahch-To, she would probably never learn. For all her life, these questions have plagued her, she had been ready to sacrifice the rest of it too just for the blind chance to see them returning and beholding her, holding her close. She knew they must have had their reasons for why would anyone do this to a child. She only remembered them as fuzzy giants, departing in their red ship, she clearly remembered the bright color but nothing else. Not their faces nor their voices. She had vowed to find them and maybe in her current situation she finally could. She was known increasingly, few of the Resistance hadn’t heard of Rey the next Jedi. She was recognizable now, not her face but her name-Rey, the girl from Jakku. Maybe her family wherever they hid would hear about her, think of that name, of their daughter, sister, cousin, or niece, they may remember her. She wouldn’t rely on it thought, so she should start earnestly seeking for them.   
Yes soon..right after “that” mission, she would concentrate on her own selfish desire now, her own self-designated quest. That mission was what had brought her to seek some privacy in the abandoned museum of military exploits. That mission and the accident that had happened during the first week of training. 

\----

Rey just hadn’t been to take it anymore. Tired of gaping generals half her age spying on her saber practice and blaster fire drills. She was beginning to understand Luke’s isolation for he had barricaded himself in the base library since he had started to walk again. All this kriffing attention. All day long military drills, running, shooting practice, piloting lessons. All their attention was on her. And she hated it. She had always been alone and even though she enjoyed people’s presence and her friends, they took her for some kind of chosen one – the kriffing descendant of Luke the messiah or something. Inspecting every detail of her training performance, will she shoot right, will she run faster, will she last longer, will she use the damned force to help her or will she transform into a flying pony. They were wondering did she deserve all that attributed glory. And she didn’t need the force to feel it…their awe and apprehension. It was utterly ridiculous. Not that the military crash course was terrible in itself, Finn and Poe were constantly around showing her this and that about soldiering and piloting. Luke was guiding her in mastering her force control. But the idea of learning how to kill scared her senseless, the fact that soon enough she would have to put to practice all those lessons didn’t thrill her. And when everyone’s eyes were on her, when she couldn’t even control her own power yet, her own emotions betrayed her. 

She thought on the accident. She had been eating breakfast with her new roommate Jessica Pava, when a fellow teammate came running, shouting about Finn collapsing. Rey had obviously run like mad to the med bay where a similar horrible scene greeted her - her best friend encased in the white capsule of the operating table. She hadn’t dared blink as she followed the status rapports over the glass door blinking in blue light. Patient relapse- exoskeleton system refusal, operation in -3 hours. She couldn’t…she hadn’t been able to stay there and look Poe in the eyes, look at Jess who admired him, or Rose or any of the people he had become a friend of. The ex-stormtrooper. The traitor.

In her usual style, she had discarded all good advice, forgotten all of Luke’s warnings of blocking the bond and had rushed straight into forcing a connection. Lucky for her no one noticed as she locked herself in her room and entered the proper meditation for the kind of force manipulation she’d attempt. Clumsy with rage, heedless of clearing her mind, she had somehow managed to reach the glass door and smash straight into it. 

-YOU! COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!- her force ghost self had screamed at the foggy darkness in the waiting room of their bloody shared visions.

-Come out here you coward!!- She had yanked at the strands connecting them through space and time and felt the satisfaction of a disgruntled voice whispering around her:

-I am busy, I told you, it’s not a good time.

-I don’t care about your good timing; I don’t care about your convenience. I need to speak to you right now!

Still she had to wait at least 10 minutes, if time counted for anything in this illusionary space-time. Her acrimony now tampered a tad, she felt more in control as she materialized her master’s saber tucked in her satchel belt. Then she concentrated on a memory and the world shifted around.

-What is it scavenger? I was in the middle of a meeting; I swear you have no idea of the risk you are putting me through.

His foggy presence materialized not too far from her. Her chest constricted.

-The risk, Ha!…I will teach you about risks. Look, look around you, what do you think is this!

His unmasked, caped, towering frame slowly took in the Resistance med bay, his obsidian eyes sweeping slowly around the unfamiliar room, passing the operating table where they halted. Rey saw his lids narrow before he turned his gaze on her as calmly and infuriatingly smug as if nothing of interest lay there. 

-How dare you look away! Turn back and look at him! Your traitor! This is your doing, he was doing fine and you…. you…you crippled him. How could you walk around and act as if nothing has happened you sick bastard!  
Rey was barely holding back, shouting, and waving her fists in empty air, she felt her despair spill over against the deadly empty gaze boring at her across the sterile room. 

\- I see…this is FN-2187. I remember him defying me. But maybe you don’t know little scavenger, this is far from the only one I have crippled or killed. There has been many….many over the years. Why would I care about one more traitor?

Incapable of listening anymore, she ignited her saber and charged at him. Unprepared he barely evaded her attack with his forearm, his empty expression finally breaking into something more human, his own fury peeking over. She didn’t care though as she used her other hand to slap him hard across the scarred cheek. He stiffened and reddened, but didn’t hit back. He glared down at something she couldn’t see. His hair was hiding him from her. And she felt a fissure cracking.

-If you don’t care about this brave man or any of the others, look at your uncle’s suffering. Look at him you bastard! 

She had dropped the saber and reshaped the operating room to the peaceful chamber filled with flowers where Luke was lying, drugged, and plugged in, looking like a burned and broken puppet of an old man.

-You don’t care about that? What about him, and her …and them. 

She kept flashing scenes of blood and fire, chaos, and murder. Images of her friends, but also images she couldn’t recognize or know, they just kept coming at her from a dark place, unstoppable, cruel, endless array in an album of horror. She was shaking in disgust yet couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the slowly lifting gaze of her most hated antagonist. Those eyes…that look again, filled with furor and fire but so much pain swimming along. They reflected all the images, knowing them by heart.

-Yes…I have done all of these things…no I have done more. I will do more. So why are you here? Why do you not leave me be! What do you want!

But his voice had cracked and the tone of it was accusing but also… challenging. The fiery light in his dark pupils was pulling her in like a whirlpool she couldn’t escape.

-I want you to face it!

Her breath was short and she had shouted the words in an outburst, but the ambiance was strange now, too silent and filled with mounting tension she didn’t comprehend. Rey detested him so much in this instant; she wanted to slap him again and again, to end him, to end this misery. She had come to…to…tell him it was over, that the promise of the Temple was a mistake, that he deserved to die for what he had done to Finn...to Luke.

-I have faced it. In ways, you’ll never understand.

His quiet low timbre shook her as much as his confession and she opened her lips to pry on that tiny crack of possible remorse. But he would have none of it. His gaze hardened, he grasped her chin fast in his gloved grip and took a step closer, his chest brushing her breasts.

-I have done this to your friend. I have crippled him and your master; the darkness desired it and I obeyed. But you…you are still here. Why? Is it because you want me this much? Only a week after your kiss?

He emphasized each sentence with actions that halted her breath and caught her in a net of attraction, she failed to resist.

-How much do you want me scavenger?

He pulled her chin up to him, kissed her roughly, sucking her tongue, biting on her lips.

-Rey, tell me how much you want me!

Too much. Stars. It felt as good as she imagined. Fuck him….fuck… He broke the embrace only to snatch on her sensitive neck. Oh…

-Yes. You are sick too Rey, to want someone like me to kiss you…

He bit lightly down the column of her neck, then pulled the training garments violently down one tan shoulder revealing the curve of her breast.

-To touch you, someone as filthy as me.

He caressed her shoulder with his free hand slowly, making her gasp and squirm uncontrollably, she was holding onto his tunic like a mermaid floating and drowning, unhearing…uncaring.

-You should be ashamed…you’re…my...

He couldn’t continue though as she was violently pulled away through the darkness and into cold unpleasant reality. Her weakened shoulders being shaken by a frantic grip.

-Wake up Rey! Rey! What’s going on?

She swore she could hear his disappointment echoing before her focus snapped to the present. That being Jessica’s frown grimacing at her in worry. 

-Uh…yes Jess….hi …hey I am sorry. 

-I know, I was there too. But he will be fine, I know it. Please don’t pull something out on us too. It looked like you wouldn’t wake up, moaning, and sweating and all. Was it a nightmare?

-…I guess you could call it a nightmare of sort.

Was the only thing Rey could get out before excusing herself looking frantically for a spot where she could be alone with her thoughts. 

\----

But how could she ever be alone in that base. In between military exercises from dusk till dawn, hanging out with Finn, Poe and consulting Luke then spending the rest of her free time avoiding gawking soldiers. Even in her own room she couldn’t be alone, as she was placed with that roommate- Jessica Pava. A charming pilot a bit older than her, Rey quite liked her and her flaming attitude. But she never got time alone to come to terms with her interrupted dream meeting with Ren. Thus, when the name of The old shipyard came up in a casual chat with Poe, Rey’s ears had perked up. Now this was a place for a scavenger trying to escape her unwanted popularity. Time to think on her plan.


	18. War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience my friends. I have more written and I was really wondering where to stop this chapter because the action isn't over. It was very challenging for me to write this subject of war, depression,war trauma and star wars military vocabulary. So please please correct me in any way, write to me and tell me if there are mistakes. Reylo is happening in next chapter dont worry. Also Kylo's POV soon. Thank you for your support and love, please leave reviews, they make me motivated to continue :) Love!

Yet her plan had to be put on hold as more tragic events were to change her life irreversibly. The force and destiny hadn't had their fill yet with that backwater scavenger. She was thrown head first into yet another conflict of galactic proportions.

In the days following the accident Finn had recovered enough for Rey to breathe easily again. Luke had met her occasionally to further question her about the Temple. He had returned partly to his old secluded self. Partly because he was far more helpful now, as if trying to make up for the lost time on Ahch-To. Rey felt she had passed some invisible test, the privilege of being treated like an adult, like an equal, deemed to be trusted and not a dangerous child. He did seem to oblige her with his confidence, even made sure to pass her his own saber to practice with. Not only that but the holochrons! Real fighting forms and techniques to attack and defend- all the Djem-So, Niman and Soresu she could want, precious mementos from the Temple archives, especially now that it was lost to the Order. She should have felt happy and grateful, it is what she had wanted all along. To gain his trust, become like him, a fierce Jedi pilot and warrior capable of saving the galaxy.

Then why was everything circling back in her mind, a monster stalling her, eating at her resolve. She hadn't spoken to him again about the upcoming mission on Anaxes and he never mentioned it. She was losing her courage with every passing day, she didn't know what to expect from the role she had been given in this war. Learning how to kill, how to shoot stormtroopers like Finn, was that what she was meant to do? Had Luke done the same at her age? Was that what the path of the Jedi entailed too? And if it was, what was the difference between them and what the First Order was doing? The same shapeless monster whispered in her mind. What were the real black and white sides? An image of a circle and a single gray line emerged in her mind. What was the right thing to do…And why didn't she trust her mentor and friends as to the answer, she avoided them in her most doubtful moments, when she felt the confusion and alienation, when she was at her worst, she couldn't share her fear with them. They didn't get it, they never would, it wasn't their fault. They weren't an incomplete Jedi conspiring with the enemy, playing too close to the fire that was the dark side. There was only one person that shared that burning conflict, that consuming loneliness and she needed him. As she felt the pull to something unknown she knew he did feel it too, as he had said once. After the Temple, after that promise on the hills Rey knew he could be brought back. That was her ultimate goal. That was her crazy plan.

She knew she must be out of her mind. That's why Luke and Leia should have never trusted her, her egoistical need and delusion would endanger all of them. As she was sitting in the ship graveyard, she spotted a dark smudge at her feet. She traced its shape with her fingertip, passing over the rusted metal surface. The shape of it…just like a spreading flowing cape of tar. Everything made her think of him. Of saving him. That's why she had erected the wall in her mind. Especially after that last out of control encounter. It was just too much the thought of him, the feel of him in her constantly busy mind.

Maybe it was for the best to go to war then, to get away from her doubts. To get away from Luke and Leia, protect the Resistance from all of those that wanted to get her. Protect them from her own suicide mission. She wouldn't let her enemies get her that easily, she was strong, the force was obeying her more each day. She would send them all to Sith Hell, Snoke and his Order, they would never take her and she wouldn't sell her life cheaply. She would try to help the Resistance as much as she could, protect her friends until….until she became too much of a threat to them. Until her private mission failed. And If she got out alive at the end of it she would just disappear and look for her family, forgetting the force, Ren and all about this cursed war between the Resistance and the Order.

A loud voice interrupted her reverie:

-Jedi Rey, we have been called urgently to start the mission on Anaxes. The standstill is over. The Order's reinforcements had arrived. We leave within the hour.

It was time then. She jumped off the old ship wiping her forehead with her hand, leaving a dark stain.

….

The trip took a full 2 days and Rey was stuck like a sardine in the undersized Resistance transporter ship. She could feel the excited panic of her fellow soldiers forced to share their emotions unknowingly with a force sensitive, and unwillingly Rey had to feel them. They were almost as unexperienced as her, as undermanned as the Resistance was, they were used to working as radar technicians, programmers or mechanics. It was their first time too. They talked with her, shared their fears, accepted her, befriended her even. And she grew close to them in time. The rusty old ship reminded her of her old home -The AT-AT walker that resembled the inside of this old scrap, but was her own, no one to share with, where she had her head all to herself. Being among people was reassuring, she had always dreamt of sharing her space, but she craved the loneliness of her own head, the forced empathy was wearing her down. She felt she would lose her focus, the anxiety on the way to Anaxes was so strong. Her resolve was on the brink. Thank Leia, Finn wasn't too far, stationed on the same ship as her, the trooper reassured her about the upcoming battle.

-Don't worry Rey. I have seen it, you just need to survive and protect your comrades that's all, don't pay attention to anything else. We are all doing this for the good of the galaxy, remember this. I was part of it, this hell machine, believe me, the Order needs to be destroyed.

He would smile sweetly and offer her some smuggled booze. But alcohol would only wear down her fragile mask of assurance. She gulped down his words like a life saving potion, wanting to believe him. For all that, as they approached the threatening grayish red spotted planet she knew nothing could prepare her for what was to come.

….

As the next weeks turned her worst nightmares real, she would bitterly remember those earlier laughable troubles., wishing time back.

She was sitting sullen in the makeshift barracks, her whole-body trembling with expenditure, sporting a fractured bone or two, nothing big, but no more force healing to spare. She had spent the last bits on Rose and another soldier. Worse than the deserted crimson battlefield surrounding her, the chasm eroding her soul, stunned her to silence. A barren soul, an empty field waiting to be deluged by the army of corpses left unburied.

The first days she had bawled, she had puked her guts, she had screamed for her friends, cried for her dead fellows. Later she raged out, letting the pain take over, seeking vengeance for the fallen, seeking justice, seeking purpose in this chaos. And now…almost two weeks in, she was emptied out, desensitised to all the anguish surrounding her. Oh, how naïve was a soldier on her first real battle, entering her first war. Adventures, escaping pirate ships, loud taverns, and sneaking in outposts, that had seemed like the dangerous-fun life of Jedi heroes. Simulated space battles and a thousand times reread stories of star wars. They were nothing but a little breeze faced by the storm of war. A child playing in the sand. She had been a child then…and now. Now the monster made of tar whispered over her adrenaline while she was slashing countless stormtroopers, lungs burning, pierced and shot, trying to drag the bodies of her companions away. You need more of it child, you wont make it otherwise. Dip into it, you need it, the power is there. Inside you. And she had resisted for long, for so long, time was but a pointless burden here, how long had she resisted?

And Out again, no time to rest, like in a mirage, the landscape was passing by. Transported by the speeder bike to the next battleground, the fields albeit prettily crimson, now wounded by the battles and explosives. The red corals trampled by white carapaces and brown uniforms alike, not distinguishing. The opulent smell of the corals mixed in with the pungent odour of blood and sweat, melted plasma and worse. Over her head, TIE fighter missiles were being diverted by the few brave pilots left, keeping them from falling over the remnants of the resistance army. Explosions distorted the air, deafening, becoming an always present echo. Another war in the skies mirroring the carnage on ground.

She arrived, greeted with senseless hope by the foot soldiers. She smiled emptily but didn't really see them, just ignited Luke's borrowed saber and jumped in the midst of it. She was swaying, blind to everything, her body running on pure adrenaline. Nicks and bruises were nothing, the pain was forgotten, have…to…kill. More, more. Storm bucketheads felt at her feet like meat sacks, limbs separating and piling. Their shots avoided her by miracle. No, no miracle. Her fellows' protecting her. The bucketbrains' blasters didn't reach her before she got to them.

After an unknown amount of time of onslaught, she was drained, the shots started burning her, making little holes through her garb. She was out of it. She needed to go back. Drink something. Water.

Suddenly a darker unfamiliar shape appeared in front of her and she barely recognised the emblem of the knights of Ren before being brutally assaulted. Not now..no. She wasn't ready. The masked creature wielding a strange purple plasma spear crushed and threw her friends in his way like puppets. He charged at her shouting with joy.

-Finally! The Jedi! Ahahaha my luck is here.

She stumbled back, stunned, her body not responding. The creature was big and ebony, as big as him if not more. It had strange ribbons and no face, just a protruding edged hat. The force was not in her grasp, her blade was shaking in her fist. Luke…master, help me.

-Commander Ren will be glad, Supreme leader even more. Don't worry I wont kill you little bird, just disable your tiny body.

The creature lunged at her, stabbing with its spear. She barely avoided the hit. Rey jumped back, running in circles. Slow, she was too slow. The knight managed to cleave her exposed shin and she screamed. He force grabbed a corpse and threw it at her. She collapsed under its weight. Straining and swearing she managed to push it aside and get back up. Limping, her saber lost, she held her muddied bloodied limb. At this rate, she couldn't go on. She needed the force. But it was gone, gone. The whispering darkness was there though, always there. Offering her what she wanted. She was about to break; her heart was exploding. The knight was approaching for the kill.

She plunged in it, splurged in it. Intoxicating. So much power, so cold and brute yet burning to the touch, at the tip of her fingers. She just needed a bit to stay awake, just a bit, to kill the knight. She enveloped herself in it, her body felt great, she closed her eyes and could see the force strands enveloping the enemy. She could see him crushed by them. He halted, crumbled and when she awoke she saw herself bathing in his guts, the blue plasma sizzling boiled blood. She was dripping it, drowned in it. The knight of Ren was no more.

There were more enemies. She couldn't get away, she was surrounded. Just a little more then. Enough to defend the position, to defend Finn's squadron, enough to heal, to kill, to survive. She wouldn't give in.

That night she had dreamt again. The dreams, the only escape to that torturous nightmare she had been living every day. In the night. Rest.

She was seeing the island again, Ahch-To's calm waters bathing everything in serene turquoise light. She would walk the rocky shores, scared of the depths of the ocean, her bare feet licking the waves. The water was deep and dark, the sky so calm and bright. The two coexisted in breathtaking harmony. The Ancient's Temple and its beauty, there were people there. Strange looking people, they were busy, reading, training, they were building something, the machine. They called to her, their gray robes rustled in empty halls. We need you Rey, we need you both. Remember. Remember who you are. The balance…the balance.

She would always wake, feeling the stabbing pain in her chest, feeling like the world was suddenly false. How twisted everything was. How had everything turned so wrong? She had no more tears to bleed, so she would just shake uncontrollably, her teeth would clatter relentlessly, until exhaustion took over. She had to wake in two hours, Poe had asked her for help. Poe…Finn…Luke….Kylo…where are you…

The next morning, unrested, wearing the same bloodied tattered Resistance uniform as the others, she had strapped her saber, taken her satchel, and followed a guarded cavernous path to where Poe's ship was stationed. She couldn't even think let alone appreciate its dull sparkle as the T-70 X-wing fighter the Black One stood majestic in the alcove of its hiding place amongst the dusty rocks and red corals.

-Rey, shab…you look horrible. How bad is it down here?

She mumbled some appropriate response and calculated how long before her next mission, before the end of this battle. Or will it ever end? Was it even….real.

\- Listen, I know you are irreplaceable in the ground division with your Jedi powers and all, I heard you even took down one of the knights! This is truly amazing. But I am sure you can really help in this particular mission. I think some fresh air may be good for you.

He approached while saying the latter, she couldn't discern the concern in his eyes and shrugged off his hand going for her shoulder.

-Tell me.

She barked out.

\- Hm…well we have suspicions that some high Order officials are gathering in the Anaxes orbit, they are planning something. Leia thinks we can use your …senses to figure it out. I can get you close enough. Also, we could profit from some magical healing in the ship above. I have some critical condition officers. They sure have been lucky to have you down here.

They exchanged some trivial replicas until Poe finally sensed now was not the time for idle chatter. Rey having quickly accepted her mission, wanted to avoid any conversation if she could. She was better in her bubble of adrenaline and haze, anything to block reality. The relief she felt from this chance to get away from the battle was immense. Even for a day or two as Poe had promised. The truth she barely admitted to herself was she couldn't continue in her current state, she hadn't been able to heal her wounded shin and had only bandaged it with some bacta until her force strength would return. With the painkillers, she had snatched in secret she would be able to tough it out until they reached their meet point with the Resistance transport ship orbiting Anaxes's moon. She was longing for a few hours of needed sleep but there was little time for any of that. She had to help the wounded over there. Therefore, It was of upmost importance to remain strong. Yes she was convinced she had the strength to do it. She had managed just fine on the battlefield yesterday, she had won alter all, she had helped the soldiers… she had defeated the knight, she had, she had… Oh stars. She almost threw up last meal as she was strapping herself behind Poe.

-Ready for take off Rey? -he asked

Yes please take me out of here, a little voice almost betrayed her, but she stomped it down. The blood… the looks, the looks on their faces after her disgusting feat flashed before her reddened eyes as they took off. Disgust. Repulsion. what did they think of her now? What was happening down there… She had tried … Gods…she had given her all…no more… she had drawn from that potential she had…surely that was why. Because she was strong, that's what they all said right? And she was just fine, just fine. She was only doing her job down there… that was normal, wasn't it? It was supposed to be like this right?

She kept asking her unresponsive other half all throughout the flight. Whenever Poe would try to start up some light conversation she would barely reply; her mind was going over those questions, like a stuck engine sputtering, unable to restart. She refused to eat later on when they transferred to the transporter shuttle and she realized she hadn't had a bite since…since…The thought of the pureed rations made her dizzy with nausea.

No, she was fine, she replied to the few officers and pilots awaiting them inside the couple modular compartments. She glanced at her reflection at the hull plating- her hair matted, her hazel eyes red and puffy, her Jedi robes torn and bloody. Did it matter how she looked like? She couldn't care less. She turned her attention to the rest of the soldiers lying down huddled in the small space, most of them in critical condition. They explained they had run out of bakta patches some time ago and the delivery ship with the tank had been destroyed last night. The healthy pilots had helped their wounded comrades as much as they could but it was bad. They needed her.

Rey tried to hide her limp as she greeted curtly and accessed each one of them. blast it …it was bad indeed. She didn't know a thing about medicine, apart from the basic survival skills of Jakku scavengers. But she had had to quickly learn how to use her newfound powers on the battlefield. With a sufficient draw from the force after deep meditation she had managed to help many a soldier of her division. But now she was exhausted… her force was so far…almost unreachable. And they were all waiting…bleeding out beneath her. Please, please let me have some more she pleaded the unknown source of that secret energy as she sat down to meditate. Please, just one more time, I will do anything. I can't let them down. Please!

And gradually again like a third eye opening, like a void refilling she saw it, felt it though every neuron. That sweet power lying just beyond her reach, teasing her. She would have it now! Obey me! The painful spasms of her trance helped her focus and when the ecstasy of it filled her completely she forgot the pain of that weak shell of flesh that was her body.

She almost sprinted back to the wounded confident and giddy with the secret energy she was carrying like a halo. She started closing wounds and mending bones. Amazing! All she could do with it, how they were all gawking at her ability! At her! One after another the pale sick men and women stilled under her touch relaxed and fell unconscious in a stable state. It was like when the bucketheads would fall down from her touch or get thrown in the air like the puppets they were. Like the puppets, they were… TRAITOR! Thrown in the air. I will never be like you!

-Ouch! Cried out a high pitched voice beneath her. Rey looked down at the shot wound she was repairing and noticed the blood. She stood up excusing herself, feeling herself shake. Bile gathered in her gorge. She couldn't do it. She ran in the corridor, trying to calm down. The force…the force is with me.

But it was seeping away again, like a whirlpool of quicksand. No! They were there expecting her, with their pleading faces, she sensed their fear of death. Their fear…of her. But why…

-Rey! Come to the deck right now!

Poe's hurried voice echoed from down the tunnel and Rey limped to join him in the cockpit. Forgive me soldiers she whispered to no one as she left them by themselves.

The cockpit was tiny, reconstituted from an old B-wing Mark II model. She took the co-pilot seat and gasped at the spectacular view offered through the limited viewport. Poe was busy trying to get away from a Nebulon-K First Order frigate occupying most of the space right in front of them. A dozen TIE/sf fighters were already busy swarming like angry wasps surrounding their mother hive. They looked ready, quickly approaching the supposedly hidden transporter. A little spark flashed close to the right-side panel, forcing Poe to tilt sharply sending Rey tumbling to the left.

-Blast it! Poe…

-Yeah, yeah I know. We were detected 3 minutes ago. Shit. No sense in getting closer now, eh?

Rey looked disbelievingly at his grinning mug. The crazy pilot was enjoying this! She interrupted his mirth

-But the mission…

She was briskly interrupted by more projectiles coming from the laser cannons flashing close. Poe still smiling wildly like a maniac, ignorant of the state of the wobbling transporter sent her to the heavy laser cannon module. Her heart pounding, she took her new position and her fingers took instinctively to the control stick. Thank Jakku for the hundred of hours of hours of simulation practice. It literally saved their lives more than a few dozen times. She gingerly got the hang of locking on target and shooting the little red dots, zigzagging on her display. The familiar sick adrenaline of a fight for survival kicked in. It was different than charging in battle though. Similar to Jakku, she had little choice here, it was either her or them. She had to keep her fingers from shaking though as she could almost hear the screams of the destroyed starfighter pilots. How many Finns…how many Poes. At least the blood was not visible.

-Great shot Rey! Damn you were born for this!

Poe's cheering accompanied her as he maneuvered them as far as possible from the frigate. He was truly an ace! If only Han could see him…

-You don't think you can detect what they are up to on the central ship? He chuckled loudly.

She forced a smile at his bravery, but it was getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that they were in some deep bantha fodder. Harder and harder to evade the TIE fighters and they both felt the situation was far from light. Without reinforcements, with the increased attention from the Order navy, they had little chance to escape.

-Poe… what do we do? Where do we hide?

But he only tsk-ed dropping additional weight to Rey's already sinking gut. She concentrated on not letting the fear invade her senses as master Luke had taught her. The emptiness where that dark force was lurking throbbed dangerously close to her pulse. She barely eluded its addictive pull managing finally to clear her exhausted mind. Silence. Finally. And so much pain. Weariness…threat. Danger! Her focus was immediately guided towards a burning hot strand of mal-intent coming from far away but also close by; the big concentrated energy of the mother ship. Pieces of images and words got to her, similar to when she saw into Ren's mind : "crew….send capture ship…lure them…ship….destroy…attack…second base…tonight"

Her eyes snapped open at the implications for what she inadvertently overheard. They were preparing something…something bigger than a few hundred TIE missiles.

-Rey! A platform ship is approaching, sending parley signal. You need to shoot it down. Now! It's a trap!

-No, no. I have a plan. Let it get close.

-What!

-Trust me. I know what to do. I overheard something. Wait I'll gather the crew.

That she did in haste, time was ticking against them. The healthy pilots helped the infirm and carried the unconscious to a spot Rey indicated. They were reluctant at first, giving the Jedi in training concerned looks as she went around unable to hide her limp. Thankfully the news of the approaching enemy platform made them cuss and ready weapons. They were hardly in fighting state though. Rey gritted her teeth and thought frantically on her plan to get them safely away from the transporter.

-Rey, First Order ship incoming in two.

-Okay come down here and get your blaster and stuff ready.

In a minute, they were all waiting anxiously for the enemy to embark. They believed this was their last stand, Rey realised. Over her dead body. She could do it. She would save them.

Then the doors blasted open and all hell broke loose. Mustering the last resources of force, she had saved, the scavenger-soldier force pushed the incoming troopers back into their ship, granting the element of surprise to her crew. They didn't wait and charged. She unwielded her saber. She could hear faintly Poe's shouts and agonizing cries of "Long live the Republic" as she dispatched the enemy like fallen stick dummies one after another. The battle haze was back again, or had it even left? This time it took all of her last forces to empty the platform of its occupants and not collapse amongst them. Her shin was blinding her with pain, her leg gave in a couple of times leaving her vulnerable to the Order's blasters. When it was over she shouted around her.

-Hurry, go in! Everyone come on!

The remaining Resistance pilots dragged themselves into the enemy ship staring at her with wide pupils.

-Come on now, no time for gawking fellows, go in and search for the med supplies. Rey…back there… you were … wow.

Even though there was admiration visible on his blood smeared face Rey sensed the pilot troubled. There was no time for this.

-Poe, listen. I heard them say they'll attack the second base tonight. Warn headquarters. The code name for this platform is the Lure. Try to befuddle them until you can escape. I'll make the diversion.

-The diversion… what?! Wait…!

But awaiting was out of the question as Rey pushed him through the transporter gate onto his new ship and forced the door shut. She muttered to herself.

-Please survive my friend…


	19. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t want to keep apologizing every time, and I have promised to myself not to turn into those ghost writers of fanfics, but unfortunately things happen in my life that made me be away from my country and not be able to update. Also to be completely honest, I was waiting for the movie for inspiration as I didn’t want to go in a direction completely opposite of the canon events. And inspiration came! As disappointed as I am with Kylo’s portrayal and how his arc has developed I am celebrating the Reylo (almost- canon)! Happy Reylo confirmation (I hope at least) to all of you and congratulations for believing in it since the beginning! Welcome to new shippers as well!  
> Now as to the continuation of this fic. Dont worry! I have many ready chapters, they are spread out and need to be made to fit the new plot. I have revised my old plot a bit and tried to include some of the now-canon elements. However I did not include everything and my plot is not following the same as after TFA even if there are parallels. I will be reposting the new chapters and you can go back and read them again if you so desire, but the changes are minor and may not deem your effort. For example instead of Jessica Pava, Rey’s roommate is now Rose. Kylo did destroy his helmet and his uncle did try to kill him, the planet they are fighting on is Crait. But the events are in different orders and other things happen and I can’t guarantee I will continue as TLJ did with Kylo becoming supreme leader and so on. So I will tag The last Jedi but with canon divergence to an extent. I will continue this fic as it’s the love of my life :D But it is hard to figure out how to go from how TLJ left things plot-wise and character development wise. I will do my best! Please, please, please especially now any feedback is welcome, your ideas and opinions matter! Please comment!

She didn't dawdle to see if he heard her and sped towards the pilot seat, trying to figure out how to get this thing moving fast. Something was about to happen; the murderous emanation was stronger. Something horrible…

Her thoughts were slow to put together and she was increasingly sluggish in her movements. The over taxation of using so much force in such short period staggered her. She only needed to escape now, it was almost over. Almost over…

The red danger alarm resounded loudly through the cockpit. Pew-pew-pew-pew. Flashing lights painted the surrounding module surfaces and the holographic displays magenta and she stoop up helpless, paralysed as the colossus of Nebulon-K threw up its secret weapon at her, the biggest turbolaser blast she had ever seen. Poe's stolen ship had already escaped but it was too late for the tiny transporter and its sole occupant. She thought she would have more time…

Rey gasped as her quivering legs gave way, plopping her on the pilot seat. Do something idiot! It was too late, she would die here. Alone. Her last coherent image was of a pair of burning coal eyes on a pale narrow face. It seemed to say: Giving up already, scavenger?

The closer the charge got the vaster the emptiness in her gut, the greater the chasm in her soul. But that void was filling up with an alien substance. No, not alien. She remembered this warmth…in the Temple. It filled her up, pumping from impossible depths to fill the chasm inside her with a glowing burning force. The darkness joined in this gravitational siphon murmuring promises. She swore she could see the energy strands all around her sucking up the force from each object, from the very air. She was delirious; it was burning her from inside now. She would be consumed by it. But the immense concentration shot up from her stretched arms joining its incoming enemy, meeting it in a blinding explosion. The universe turned white. Silence ringed in her ears.

The scavenger barely lucid watched her arms moving like serpentine things, programming the transporter for hyperjump. On autopilot, a puppet of unknown puppeteer her body went on with the trivial tasks of strapping in, turning on the engines and escaping this hell.

….

When she woke up, it took her a moment to come back to herself. Rey noticed she wasn't in Crait's orbit anymore, foreign space greeted her; a strange star glowing dark orange, several planets circled its orbit, the immensity surrounded by debris of shattered moons. Asteroids in the billions spread across the void of this coral space, turning lazily. Where was she? She must have dozed off… her mind was slow, as if she had drunk scorpion poison, her vision was blurry. That explosion…the force…she was alive. Alive! Finally, she could rest.

But apparently destiny still hadn't had its share and had other plans for its chosen victim. The detested alarm flashed again warning against incoming enemy ships, arriving straight behind her. Blast it! Mother of Kwath! They had followed her!

Trying very hard not to black out again or throw up the padawan prepped the transporter for full defense as useless as it was. She inspected glumly the heavily damaged deflector shield generators. In fact, a dozen more lights were blinking merrily on the command console, announcing bad news for the state of the transport. This rusty old thing could never survive against another attack.

-Come on girl, stay with me, just a bit more. We get through this and I'll make sure you are all repaired and taken care of. We are survivors you and me!

She swallowed the lump in her throat and navigated around the debris, trying to hide as best as possible, when she spotted the black beauties of the Order materializing not too far off. Apart from a medium sized shuttle a few dozen TIE fighters were roaming the asteroid field seeking her. Why wouldn't they leave her alone! Bloody luck!

Looking around frantically she spotted the closest satellite blue moon covered in craters. She could get to there, turn off the engines, they would never find her. The switches and buttons were swimming around in a muddied maroon sea and she didn't remember how she managed to fly to the little rock. But she knew one thing, this mysterious reserve of energy and luck was almost depleted. She was on the brink. Her body was screaming for sleep, her shin was a hot mess of pain.

Rey turned off everything, all lights, all current, only the life support system was working but for how long she didn't know. She only prayed, staring desperately through the viewport, hoping they had given up and left.

Though again her hopes were in vain. She clearly heard the distinctive sound of a shuttle landing close by. Rey readied her saber. The intruders were approaching; they were cutting the hatch open. She somehow got on her feet swaying unsteady hiding by the entrance. She swept Luke's weapon in a wide clumsy arc at the incoming enemies hoping to surprise them. Her head got a sharp familiar piercing pain but she stood her ground, trying to see in the darkness. There was only one person standing in the shadows, waiting for her unarmed.

She could recognize this towering build anywhere. His force signature enveloped her like an old forgotten blanket and she smiled and uttered:

-Oh...it's you.

...before collapsing on the transporter's bloodied floor, saber rolling at his feet.

….

He quickly knelt, and gathered the slight woman as a well remembered habit. Trying to remain cool-headed was progressively hard as her soft blood-soaked body pressed against his chest. That ridiculously idiotic body was burning up. Swearing he brought her to his shuttle, away from the recycled scrap of death stinking transporter. Passing through the weak atmosphere of the moon and onto the ramp into his ship he managed not to be reckless with the slight Jedi he was carrying. He placed her carefully on the med cot alcove and instructed the meddroid stationed on the shuttle. He gradually felt her more and more as a stab in his left leg and general exhaustion spread through him. The bond barrier was weakening along with her state. He removed her high boot uncovering an old bacta over an angry red laceration. What in the blazes has happened to her! What had she done this time? Who dared hurt her!

His stewing ire was halted by a sudden realisation. How long he had been gone, away from this war. Many events had passed in the last weeks while he was on his own missions. True, she had shielded herself against him, but it had been his fault as much as hers; he had kept the block on the bond. Apart from that one time in that last vision... when she had sought him out. He had hoped vaguely then that it had been for other reasons than to scream at him. All of it for past actions that were already plaguing his mind perpetually... things he couldn't fix. He hadn't known how to react then. A sickly sweet sensation creeped from his feet to his suddenly tight collar at the memory. His hand trembled once as he placed carefully the new bacta above her slender ankle and left the droid to finish the job.

Sitting close to her, he stared dazed as the pseudo-doctor put a mask on her pale face and needle in her arm feeding her fluids. Her chest was slightly lifting and sinking, her breath fanning the mask.

What was she doing here? Most importantly what was he? Was it a coincidence he had stopped to pick up provisions on the frigate on his way to the next mission? Why had he witnessed the destruction of the missile sent for the Resistance ship, felt the immense force expenditure? He had known it was her in that instant even if the bond was blocked. He had followed her distress signal as she teleported. He had followed her without a plan, without a thought. Pathetic.

He moved in his chair next to the Jedi in training studying the dirtied bloodied Resistance jumpsuit and its starbird emblem. He wanted to rip it off. Look what they had done to her. Farkled be this war his mother and uncle had dragged her into. He had known they would taint her. No...an inner voice murmured...it was the Order she had fought, they had wounded her. It might as well have been you there...Kylo Ren... You are the one that had been and keeps corrupting her. You should have stayed away from her... He clenched his teeth and leaned into his palms. His thoughts were getting fuzzier, drowned by the modulated breathing of the girl. It wasn't his helmet exhaling this time. It was no more. There was only her and him. He breathed in and out in tune with the girl.

His memories revisited him. The last time they had met in the flesh, when he had left her a month ago he hadn't known when and if destiny would bring them eye to eye again. He had left then without his cargo, without his promised prisoner. But he had left Ahch'To with an unfamiliar sensation, the beginning of a ridiculous hope that her promise would be truthful. Hoping against hope that this madness would continue. That she at least won't betray him. And throughout his long journey back he had wished it had been a dream...a lie...so that they could return to foes again, that this hope would not eat at him day and night. Not that he had been expecting to see the day of that next meeting. Not after his treason. He had dreamed of her lips and her beautiful tears as he had found his way back to his master. Still, as much as he deserved his master's swift and deadly punishment, he hadn't regretted that making that strange promise. And if Snoke punished him again, he would accept it. It was his destiny to conquer the galaxy as his grandfather had and Snoke was there to help him. This girl may be a hitch in their plans, but Kylo knew he would find a way to fix it himself. If Snoke wanted her dead, it would be an issue.

Therefore upon arrival he had tried to hide his dirty secret encounters with her as best as he could. He had betrayed Snoke in the worst possible way, not delivering on his promise, worse he kept lying to his master and Snoke could always read his mind so well. As the meeting went he had explained how he had wounded Luke but before finishing him had went after his apprentice. How the fight with the awakened Jedi had went how she had trapped him in the Temple. He had pretended to be ashamed at the failure to bring her back, as he should have felt. But strangely he hadn't, he didn't still. He didn't regret not killing his uncle and Rey. Well. Her he couldn't kill for nothing in the world, the bond made sure of that. But Luke... his hated Jedi uncle deserved it. But somehow...he couldn't strike the final blow.

And thus he had hidden the truth from Snoke, placing it in a cage, hidden in that deep secret place in his mind. Why hadn't he admitted it all and faced the consequences? He knew Snoke suspected. He had expected the sentence, the final straw, the final drop. And supreme leader had delivered this time, a punishment worse than any tortures endured on Moraband. He called Ren a failure, incapable of delivering on his heritage, failing his training, having too much of his father in him and never to reach the height and legacy of Vader. Even Snoke had finally admitted the big failure that Kylo Ren known prior as Ben Solo was.

Spared of punishment, trembling with rage, he had retreated in disarray to the only sanctuary he knew. He had knelt, had prayed bitterly in front of his grandfather's shrine, begging to be released from this torture, torture so much worse than any he has suffered at Moraband or elsewhere. Seeking answers to which no resolution ever came. Poisoned with despair he pleaded the artifacts left of the only member of his family he ever felt a connection to. Grandfather! Why was he such a disappointment? Why was he lying to his master, why was he losing sight of his final mission? Why was his each waking thought of a broken crystal pond, the dream of a starving for affection force? Why was his heart not beating only for the end of the Jedi? What was this awakened bond that linked his life with a red string to another so opposite? His enemy! What about that prophecy... what about the...holovids in the Temple. Were they true? What was his role in all of this? Wasn't the dark side, his only friend leading him to the salvation of the galaxy? Was this current path leading him astray...

In a fit of rage he had destroyed his last link to his old self. He smashed it to sharp bits. No more mask, no more hiding behind Vader's legacy. He had to surpass him; had to erase all that linked him to his dirty past. They had all betrayed him, his traitorous parents, his plotting uncle! Even Snoke...they mocked him but he would show them, he would show them what he was capable of! They would all pay for doubting him!

Left in a messed up state, unsettled and scared of endless doubts, he was sent back to 'Ch-To by his master. "I want you to go back to that Temple Kylo Ren and bring to me all of its secrets, the holovids, holochrons weapons and crystals. Strip this sanctuary down." And Ren had returned with mixed feelings to that place that had befuddled his mind so. He could feel the strange energy of the planet again, pushing and welcoming. But as he had suspected he had been unable to penetrate the lower levels, the Sanctuary. Some power was missing, and he didn't need to guess long to know whose it was. The Sanctuary clearly needed a mix of dark and light force users. For some reason he felt certain if he brought any other lightsider but Rey, they wouldn't succeed in reaching what the Ancients had so carefully concealed. For some reason maybe the key was truly him and her, their perfect blend of darkness and light and their inexplicable bond. But why and how...he was not sure he wanted to learn.

To Snoke's pleasure they had uncovered some of Luke's secret scrolls and of course the upper library archive that had been completely emptied out and carefully packed. The mysterious planet now scavenged and thoroughly explored had still managed to survive and keep its secrets as it had for millennia.

After everyone had left he had stayed on that same hill they had parted ways, had imagined the months of training and developing relationship between his uncle and Rey. Feeling jealous and angry at it for some reason he had returned to the old shelters and again by a nudge had glimpsed hidden amongst the rocks a couple of tattered notebooks. Of true paper! It was his uncle's writing all right and it contained a detailed log of his life since and before the Jedi academy tragedy. He had considered tearing it but had instead tucked it into his tunic with shaking hands. Then he had taken a final look at the ocean as she had seen it back then as her deepest wish. A dream she had realised. This strange dream that linked them to this planet.


	20. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Ren and Rey meet and boy oh boy will there be plenty of angst physical contact and revelations. Hope you like this one! Thank you immensely for favoring, following and commenting on my story, your interest keeps me writing! Please keep it on! Any feedback is welcome! This is a poem of mine so please don't copy without authorization.

She looks like a flower

Fragrant and soft

But when she recovers

Her petals are lost

 

A wild rose in blooming

So white and pristine

So innocent preening

Her consciousness’ clean

 

But somewhere inside

Is hidden a seed

A seed that I planted

I want to believe

 

That she is not perfect

That someone like me

A tenebrous current

Will sweep her, her feet

Her flesh and her lips

Such pale fingertips

I’ll kiss

As thorn in her side

Her flowery vine

I’ll embrace

 

This rose hurts so much

The pain I shall bear, I must

My fate is decided

But yours it is not

My rose little flower

Do not feel remorse

The next time you wake up

This thorn will be lost

I’m lost.

 

Returning with the scrolls and notebooks he had retreated to his private shuttle in orbit, needing the privacy, hoping he wouldn’t be summoned soon. He needed to get stronger now; the process of preparing himself for his future role had begun with the mask removal. His new identity had to be shaped, making place for the true emperor of the galaxy, no longer a masked copy of Vader. Maybe it was time to summon the knights. Make sure they kept their place at his side, when the time would come. He hadn’t heard from them since the defeat of the one that challenged him. The traitor’s blood still stained his gloves.

While thoughts of grandeur occupied him in his quarters, he had felt a strange nudging from the force. It had come from the datapad he had picked up in the Jedi Temple. Another reminder from this place he had left not long ago. He had taken it in his palm and watched it activate.

The moment the blue text shimmered he knew...it was about Rey. About her origins. He had devoured every little bit of information it contained, as it was scant indeed. He hadn’t even stopped to wonder how come such, on first look, impertinent information was available in the most remote place in the galaxy. He had finally discovered what he had sought. A clue to the question that had plagued his mind. Who was she? She was special, he had known that, but how special and why, he would soon find out. Her mysterious powers, her unknown identity. She was a missing piece in this story. And now he had found out the truth...maybe.

On the datapad there was mention of only one name, that of the infamous Unkar Plutt, a local thug that had informed them of Rey’s possession of the droid. Ren knew about him from the intel they had received about the map piece and Lor San Tekka. It was briefly explained how the child Rey had been left to Plutt’s care on the desolate rock Jakku. Ren wasn’t sure why but his anger flared at the mention of the name. Had he heard it before, in some dream of hers or maybe...a nightmare. He would make sure to question the crolute in detail. Another important lead was a single address, tracked on Coruscant. No mention of who or what could be there.

The answers that came at the end of the brief text were shocking and simple but he had to make sure they were correct. There must be no chance of error.

The mission to verify the information took all of his will and concentration. He poured every second of his free time employing the Order’s entire database to check the records from the device, meanwhile remaining under the radar. The commander of Ren didn’t want his master to wonder why he was so obsessed with the girl’s planet and certain topics of prophecies.

He was off to Jakku as soon as Hux and Snoke were off his case, busy with whatever plan they were currently plotting to corner the Resistance. He had been too distracted to pay attention during the endless meetings. Distraction that came none the less but from Rey, torturing him with her feisty intrusion. They could all wait.

He had piloted in a rush, pressed for time. Jakku just like he remembered was like most of these abandoned by civilisation holes, a barren world, lacking any distinguishing features, a graveyard of past wars, a hideout for space pirates the likes of his father loved and Jedi worshipping cults. Nothing but chaos and crime. It made him dream of the time this waste of space would be brought to order. The Niima outpost resembled nothing but a collection of scraps and tents, infested with illegal spacers and barely surviving scavengers. So this had been her home? How such a force user as her could bloom in such a rathole? And if what was written was true... her parents...

Disguising himself in the ugly beige garb of the desert junkers, Kylo had proceeded to dig out that Plutt from whatever hole he had dug himself in. Thankfully for Ren but not for the slug, Plutt had proudly risen in the local thug hierarchy and spent his days out and about the local brothels and taverns. It hadn’t been hard to force trick him into an empty wagon, away from his thug bodyguards.

The fat pile of slime had been easy enough to immobilize and as Ren asked his questions its mind was probed further and further until it leaked saliva and snot. Ren could see Rey, small and fragile, abandoned by her good for nothing parents, left in the care of the junk boss of Jakku. Her caretaker had left her to starve, exploiting her small stature for sneaking into hard access spaces, using her nimbleness and uncanny senses. As she grew up and sought other ways to provide for herself, he had made his thugs put her “in her place” and she had returned limping and bruised back to his stand begging for rations. Time passed and even thought Plutt had somehow deemed her as his the other scavengers still got their piece of her. But he had plans for the girl. When she had come desperate to sell the droid, angry at her refusal change of mind, he had betrayed her to the Order and later sought to revenge himself on Takodana. He had grabbed her in the space tavern, had wanted to punish her. The deeper Ren went the more he wanted to stop, needed to stop because he glimpsed the other side of the shab’s mind, its past motives and thoughts. Its filthy desires, held barely by some thin gauze of pseudo-morality. But Ren kept going, he knew this game very well. He would take everything, everything Rey’s ex junk boss had to offer and everything it wanted hidden until there was nothing left but a pile of goo in the place Unkar Plutt’s brain. It had felt ...satisfying...but not enough.

Ren had left storming. He could feel the force swirling around his massive body, a hurricane preparing to hit. If only he could use his power, he would obliterate this whole snakepit of sin. But he had come on a mission, he thought of her and it calmed him, he couldn’t compromise himself now. There was one more place to visit and he was off.

So that had been her home, the place she has spent her life at, the half buried rusted AT&T in the midst of the badlands, a wasteland of skeletons and dangerous creatures. The inside was half-filled with sand as if already burying any memory of its only inhabitant. Try as he did he couldn’t grasp the idea of anyone living and surviving in that puny room, in these conditions, scorching heat, dry and empty of life. His glove glided over the thousands of scratched marks on the walls, eventually finding a small torn doll made of what seemed to be rebel alliance’s uniform, now faded, it was crudely put together. As he touched it he was hit by the vision of a child’s dirty hands sewing and hugging tight, night after night. His own hands dropped it trembling with as much rage as sorrow. He didn’t dare breathe less the wetness gathering at his lashes break him. He couldn’t stay there anymore. He couldn’t. He knew the truth now.

...

Rey’s nightmare ended as she felt again the soft texture of her captain Raeh’s doll sinking in deep sand. She gasped and awoke reaching in thin air for that old ragged memory. But there was no Jakku, no hard cot nor coarse taste of sand in her mouth. No doll to comfort her either. She let herself feel her body and the force. Her leg was no longer throbbing so badly, she felt stronger, rested. The force was unreachable though, far and away, depleted as its wielder. The world was dizzy but she tried to study the ceiling of the ship she was brought upon by her helpful enemy. Of course, she did remember seeing his broad cloaked shape before passing out. So he must have taken her here, as a prisoner or not was yet to be uncovered.

\- Are you awake? –his well remembered timbre hit her ringing ears.

\- Uh...yes. –she propped herself on her elbows trying to focus on his face. His real face! Where was the mask?

\- It’s gone. –he answered curtly studying her.

\- I didn’t say that out loud. Wait... stop it. Stop reading my mind.

\- I am not doing it on purpose. But fine I’ll try to block the bond for now. I see you can’t manage such task in this condition.

His wild dark hair, barely tamed was framing his slim pallid face. He looked...less savage than before, almost sad? The way he stared at her made her warm and uncomfortable. When she tested their connection, it was there strong and present, even if the force was not with her, she felt him clearly. His mind was locked. She hoped hers was as well.

-You are still weak; your body needs to recuperate from whatever has happened in the last weeks. This was long term damage.

He was speaking, calmly and slowly as if to a child. And not only was he speaking of his free will, but also talking about her health, as if they had just left each other on amiable terms, and the whole fact of it made her incredibly confused.

\- Thanks. For getting me out of there. My life support was running out. Are we...

-Alone. Yes.

She swallowed. The feed in her arm was tingling, she tried to get off the cot but barely managed to put her feet down when the ship hit turbulence or so she thought as her vision blurred. She felt like shit. A firm grip on her arm kept her down and guided her back to the cot. She heard the beeps of the meddroid. Her arm felt hot. He was so close. She whimpered at her faintness.

\- I said you’re still weak. You’re in no danger, this is not a kidnapping. We’re on my command shuttle. Get some sleep.

Her heart fluttered at his words as she recognised the name of the ship he had used to take her from Takodana. But his eyes were soft and his words even softer and she drifted to much needed sleep praying this was not another bad idea.

....

Crimson drops of rain splashing at her feet, fuzzy flying charges tearing soft flesh, mud and rain drowning, drowning. Her hands were stained; clenching a broken saber while her victims screamed for revenge. Suspicious pupils glared down at her miniscule and weak, the eyes of the twin generals Leia and Luke. She was drowning in the thick sea of blood.

-No, no no, I didn’t mean to....please...

She awoke sweating; tearing whatever was attached to her. Sitting straight, the scavenger soldier found an inquisitive gaze planted at her from the same spot she saw him last. Had he been there all along?

-Another nightmare?

Suddenly embarrassed she looked away hiding her shaking hand.

-What do you know... –she whispered, glimpsing the stormtroopers’ splattered innards on the back of her mind. They must have had families...children...some were probably mothers.

-More than you suspect.

She felt his glove lifting her chin firmly to stare up at his face. He was standing straight so near. She could smell the fresh washed fabric of his ridged tunic.

\- Let it go scavenger. This is not your war, you were but following orders. You felt it...the darkness. You know its taste now. You can’t erase it, but you have to. If you don’t embrace it, it will consume you.

Ingesting his unexpected bluntness was hard. She was tempted to snap back and say all these things back at him. Scream at his hypocrisy. But his words...the way he phrased them...he had felt the same way as her then. Multiple times. So many more times. The depth of his gaze, the dimmed light of having seen too much death, fought too many battles. Each time his soul had been ripped like hers, but had he felt the same regret? Were his nightmares populated with the ghosts of his victims? She had believed in his redemption before, she had sworn to sway him. Destiny had only brought her to the right place. She had to dive in, even though her heart was open like a stabbed wound. Even thought she doubted. Yet she felt their connection...on a different level than anything the force could create.

\- Did it consume you?...Ben.

The moment his name slipped through her lips, his hand let go but Ren kept his copper-green eyes on her. Moving them from her lips to her gaze. There was a spark there, a recognition. She pressed on.

\- Yet you want me to join this war... won’t it consume me as well?

He pressed his lips as if to swallow then leaned in very close. His face was narrow, the pink scar and lips contrasting against the pale skin.

\- I won’t let that happen Rey.

He stalked away from her, hiding somewhere in the depth of the shuttle. Her blood was running hot, she wished he didn’t go. His presence drove her to such a state. The way he had said her name made her hide a stupid grin with the back of her hand. He....he won’t let them hurt her. She trusted that. They were similar, so similar. She had to make him trust her too. She had to keep pushing , keep reminding him he was a human, he could still repair some of his crimes by destroying his master. She suspected more and more that Snoke was a big reason for what had happened to Ben Solo, bigger than anyone was letting on.

The following hours Rey was left alone to get dressed and washed. She wasn’t much thrilled about the dark tunic and leggings but her old uniform had to be washed anyways. No way would she stay with that sith-like outfit more than necessary. The whole construction of the shuttle left her in a state of frenzy. She had read such rave descriptions of these Upsilon-class transports and they were every bit as impressive on the inside. She had been here once but unconscious maybe even on that same cot. Albeit small, the ship contained surprisingly a lot and all of it in great taste and luxury; behind the command deck where the ramp opened there was a small sonic shower; the main quarters and her cozy cot corner were in the middle divided by a corridor connecting to the compact living/kitchen area at the back. There were some ladders leading to the radars and shields compartments where all the interesting machinery was locked away from her curious eyes. Oh she’d get to them, just wait my beauties.

Some food was left on a duraplastic tray in the living area, surprisingly appetizing. Having had nothing but military rations she took her sweet time exploring the diverse ingredients. Where did he get that kind of stuff anyways? He was well prepared for sure. And this ship was on an entire different level than the Resistance’s scrappy command shuttles.

She had no idea what time it was when she decided to knock on his door. Time...time was of the essence, damn it Rey. They were probably worried sick about her back at the base. She had to contact them as soon as possible. She knocked harder, where else could he be?

The door slid open and she tried to glimpse around his private quarters but was blocked by the broad tall owner of the ship staring down at her with annoyance.

\- What is it? – he spoke each word with that haughty tone of his

\- I need to contact home base to let them know I’m alive. Also where are we? Where are you landing next so I can get off?

-About that... – he muttered as he closed the door behind him advancing on her until her back hit the smooth wall of the tiny corridor.

\- We are far from your so called home base; soon there won’t be much left of it to consider that name. I won’t be landing anywhere until I reach my final destination which is Coruscant. It will take roughly two weeks if there are no obstacles. I advice you remain here until it’s over unless you want to be obliterated with your friends.

Her jaw dropped and she shivered. What did he mean! Her friends...the base. She pushed back at him until he was back at his door.

\- What the hell are you planning Ren! What will you do to the base, how do you even know its location!? I need to call them right now! – Exasperated and panicked she shot charges with her glare. His eyes darkening suddenly he grabbed her shoulders.

-Don’t you understand, it’s futile! If not now we would have caught them anyways, they have no chance. They are losers, stay here with me, I promise you, you won’t regret it!

-No...no...I trusted you... if you dare, if only you dare hurt them. I will destroy all of your order with my bare hands. You can’t keep me here; I’ll find a way to warn them.

She stormed out of his grasp heading for the command deck when she heard his hushed words in her mind.

-You wanted a meeting exactly a month ago, just us and no one else, nothing else.

She turned to look at him, her heart beating heavy, fighting against the memory of that bitter encounter, the taste of her tears on his lips. He looked desolate, his lip trembling.

\- Not like this.

Determined she turned her back at him, she would warn her friends, had to help them, as desperately as she wanted this ...time with him, how could she abandon them? Her heart throbbed; splitting in two halves like a cracked crystal.


	21. Shipmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some heavy moments between our heroes. Let me know what you think in the comments! I am a bit sad no one comments here on Ao3. I know I'm not the greatest writer out here but any feedback is gonna help me improve, really it's so important for me. Looking forward to hearing from you :) I fixed the end of this chapter a bit so it flows better! Hope it is!

The next morning, having barely slept a dispirited Rey picked up her uniform from the fancy washing machine, all crispy and clean if not irreparably torn and stained from the numerous fights. She decided against wearing it for now as much as she wanted to rub her allegiance into Ren's face, the memories it brought were just too painful. She had slept in her given attire and wondered if he didn't have a spare one since she had to wash it sometime… The black leggings were stretchy but still loose, similar to her old training ones, a short cap-sleeved top and dark gray tunic completed the ensemble. And the undergarments of course. She looked at herself in the reflection of the shower mirror, a strappy black bralette and beige training wrappings and a single pair of low waist cut-out panties. The thought of the knight going around shopping for his future prisoner made her chuckle but also douse in a hot flash of embarrassment. 'The grit of him' she swore. She arranged her hair, letting the lower half hang loosely as she wrecked her brain for ideas on how to escape and/or communicate with Finn, Poe or Leia.

Easier said than done as she would later discover; She had no access to the command ports or to the communication passwords and had to give up on that idea for now. She would be extremely observant of any chance she may get. It seemed for now, she realised looking through the port holes, they were in deep space, flying at high speed, bypassing all habitable systems. Cursed stubborn idiot of Ren.

The following days she tried to keep to herself, half of her wanting to make peace with him and convince him to join and help them, half of her branding him a lost cause, wanting nothing but to beat him to a pulp. An unending internal argument that had no resolution. She was still having the nightmares and was worried about her temporary abated force. And she had so many questions like: how did he find her, why did he save her and take her and was this unplanned or he had some dark plot? What will the Order do to the main base and can she somehow save them… will it be too late to warn them in 2 weeks time? Also… the bond was manifesting itself, pulling hard and impossible to ignore every time they were in the same room. She could glimpse some of his inner workings as she was sure he could hers. The ship was small…. too small for these two avoiding each other as much as they tried. Well she tried… he seemed…uncaring, going around on his daily routine of doing stars know what in his cabin, checking the autopilot orbit and tech, preparing food, and performing the living rituals of all ordinary creatures across the universe.

And speaking of daily life, a special kind of awkwardness and tension started building on that very first morning as Rey was going to take her shower. She got out of her alcove like room, started down the corridor towards the shower and stopped dead in her tracks as said corridor was occupied by a very bulky, half naked, water dripping Kylo Ren. Rey was unable to stop the direction of her gaze as it followed the path of the glistening droplets on his very thick torso. His sculpted pectorals and abdominals were shining in the dimmed artificial light and created beautiful shapes as he slowly moved around to face her. His hair was curling around his shoulders and she just wanted to twirl her fingers on a lock. He simply stared at her serious and nonchalant as if she was some kind of intruder. She closed her mouth, feeling her cheeks melting and turned around stuttering.

"You know you could put something on …or something…"

Gods she was an idiot… an idiot. Okay okay okay, 'You've seen him like this in the visions, it's the same, right? NO!' He was here, right here, five feet away. Her mind was screaming at her to stop being a little peasant, intimidated by a…. very… gorgeous male body and take charge. Just do something!

She turned around doing her best to continue on her way as casually as she could act it, her head held high. He didn't manage an answer as she brushed against him to squeeze in the tiny shower room behind. Not before she took a whiff of his spicy shampoo. Once in there she collapsed against the locked door and exhaled loudly. ... Stars be blasted, kriffing hormones, kriffing bond and kriffing impossibly attractive Kylo Ren. She took the coldest shower possible, freezing to death, denying herself the easy pleasure her fingers were craving, because she feared who her fantasies might conjure.

It got increasingly difficult in that regard from then on, as once the dark devil had sensed her lapse he did anything in his power to frustrate her to a breaking point. A little side entertainment for him, clearly. But she had never been one to suffer silently and took up the unspoken challenge by making sure to graze him in the corridors every time and bump into him in the shared spaces. He answered by toweling his hair in the kitchen and sitting on his command chair with wide open legs wearing those criminal leather trousers of his.

It was a ridiculous, torturous game that she knew had started long before the two of them were stuck alone in a very small space for what seemed already a veery long time. The vibration in the bond was the strongest at night and in their shower time; was each thinking of the other in increasingly less than innocent ways? Well at least Rey was. It was getting harder and harder to deny herself the simple pleasure. One night she finally succumbed to her touch and fireworks flashed behind her lids; she almost felt him boring into her with fire, crushing her, feeding her his essence. She was embarrassed for her weakness and for the fact she was focusing on some sexual fantasies instead of a solution to warn the base…and the war and…and… it was all because of him. No one else. Only him, she couldn't get him out of her head and his smell was intoxicating her, his presence physical and mental was everywhere. But it was Kylo Ren after all! She couldn't…she shouldn't. She had to make herself resist until … at least until she fulfilled her mission of convincing him. He was their enemy still, very much so. The enemy of her friends, a murderer… a torturer.

Speaking of the cause of her problems, she had found him calmly preparing some lunch in the kitchenette the following day. He had put his food on the table leaving her a bowl of something on the counter. She carefully approached, still unsure of what to think of this surreal situation. Was he an enemy she couldn't defeat or was he a possible ally she couldn't win over? Was he angry at her for not appreciating him saving and accommodating her or was she more pissed at him for ruining it by threats?

She took the bowl and sat across from him their knees almost touching as the round table was compact. She scrutinized him while trying to figure out what she was eating and how was she supposed to put it in her mouth. It was some strange colorful moving goo.

He was dressed in a textured under shirt uncovering his neck, his foot casually propped against his knee snug in loose pants and short soft boots, his glove was clutching on a datapad he was studying while sipping on some caf. All in black of course. It was the least constrained she had seen him so far, like a feline at ease in his territory.

"You need to use a spoon for this. It's gelatin fruit. Didn't they teach you how to eat in the Resistance?" his bemused voice interrupted her picking on the weird purple thing in her plate.

Their gazes locked, she cleared her throat, feeling ridiculous. They had no such things in the Resistance cantina! She gave him a mean stare.

As she stood to look for a spoon he broke the silence again.

"What happened to your force connection?"

She turned to face him.

"What do you mean?"

"The other day before escaping the Nebulon-K, it was you who destroyed its blast. I saw it, I felt it. It's what pulled me to you. I have never seen anything like this… how did you do it? Tell me."

She bit her lip at his question, it hit too close to home.

"I don't know I just did it." She recounted briefly the events of her arriving on the transport, getting the crew away and escaping.

"I thought it was my last chance… I was tired and furious and scared, and the force was whispering to me, like in the Temple. But since Crait it got harder and harder to … you know … access it."

She didn't know why she shared this with him, she sensed a skimming against the bond, soft and tentative.

"I know this feeling. Let me see." This time she heard him clearly in her mind as his eyes were staring up at her in a soothing way. He wasn't going to force his way in. He was asking.

Like a scared animal she recoiled, but slowly relaxed under his unblinking composure. She cautiously lowered the barrier unsure of what to show him or where to start. As his own mind got revealed to her, she sat on the chair. This was dangerous, and they knew it. Still who else but him could understand what was happening to her?

She wasn't sure what he was undertaking in her head, as she herself tentatively explored the mausoleum of his tortured past. To her surprise or not, the previously abandoned and morose spaces were lit by glowing torches, the ash had stopped falling and the holograms were slowly replaying their endless programs. She could stop and look at them, learn more about the mystery that was this man she was inexplicably connected to, but only one placed beckoned her. The chasm of tar blackness collapsing beneath her. She felt compelled to seek its depths, to bring moonshine into it, to fill it up with something, anything else but this suffocating loneliness. Stone statues were crumbling to pieces as she looked at them, barely noticing the small huddled frame of the crippled-looking boy praying at their feet. She knew well who these statues were of. Han's was to her surprise covered with garlands of dying flowers, Leia's was holding together with red vines but behind Luke's there was something… a secret place, a dark concealed corridor on whose walls was reflected a projection. Knowing how forbidden this was, how important this place was to him, she had to leave, had to… But the pleas of the weeping child shook her, no matter what, she had to see. As her essence penetrated this dark sanctuary she was greeted by the mirroring projection, split in a thousand pieces, recreating endlessly the same moving pictures.

Young Ben Solo barely a man, scraping at his arm, bloody trails, chewing at his lips, dead skin, shaking with rage, drowning in darkness as his comrades' taunts echoed endlessly – Vader's seed Vader's seed! Sith Ben Sith Ben! Die already!

No one had told him the truth, only Snoke. Whispering in the boy's mind, his venomous words sickened her.

"My dear boy, didn't I tell you so, they lied to you, they kept lying to you all this time, the grandson of Vader, meant for greatness, but they locked you like a dangerous animal, like a filthy beast, your mother and father they were ashamed of you, so they left you here, and your precious uncle too, none of them told you. Only me. Your only friend. Wasn't I there to share with you, your real past. The whole truth. I never lied. Wasn't I there for you? They fear you, they will betray you. Just wait. Your trust in them is vain. They don't want you, they never did!"

She hoped this was all of it, she was too shaken to think, his soul was raw and open to her, and she feared what was next. Thick mist covered the scene. Another tableau took place. A bit older now, Ben was sleeping in his hut, tortured by nightmares brought by Snoke. His cloaked Jedi master entered the hut stealthily. She trembled in trepidation. What was happening? What was he doing there? Luke stared down at his nephew, but not with the love and care she expected, but filled with the deepest hate and fear Rey had ever beheld on the Jedi's face. She watched in horror as he took his saber out, activating it, staring determined at the sleeping form at his feet. The blue light revealed the fragile innocence of the unaware boy. Slowly the olive eyes opened recognizing his uncle in a second before noticing the raised saber and then she saw it. The moment when his eyes dimmed, the moment when darkness overtook whatever precarious balance had existed. The moment Ben Solo became Kylo Ren. The boy summoned his Padawan's green blade collapsing the hut over himself and his uncle. Blurred images followed, unsure of what or when it was happening, she gauged it was the slaughter at the academy. She watched the youngster now bloodied and wounded dragged by some other students to a basalt ship. Her heart was splitting from this irreparable damage to his soul. Killing these children was the biggest blow, insurmountable, would be too terrible to accept. Still she forced herself to witness the last scenes in the ship. Ben Solo coming to his senses was fighting weakly the students holding him, screaming at them:

\- How dare you! You killed them, why! I hate you! I hate you! I never told you to… how could you…

Everything spun out of focus in a whirlpool of fog and dark whispers by the Moraband ghosts, by his new master. Snoke. Kylo Ren … welcome.

She was destroyed, couldn't see any more, couldn't fathom it, couldn't take anymore. She wanted out of this dark place, out of this pit of misery, the loneliness and betrayal were much too much, much too familiar to handle. She screamed and ran, floated to the surface, crashed through the dark sky dome of his mind then came to her senses panting.

Looking wildly at the man in front of her she felt the wet trails running down her cheeks.

He looked different, gloomy, and dejected, his jaw working, his shadowed eyes boring into hers.

"You're a liar! It's not true! Luke, he didn't…!" She bawled out her sorrow and bitterness.

"You saw it then. Ask him. I have nothing to hide. " He stood up his fists clenching so hard the datapad cracked. She watched forsaken as he stumped to his quarters, hearing the clash of the datapad hitting some wall.

She sat at the table wiping furiously at her tears, picking at the moving thing in her bowl with her spoon. Her mind was storming, her gut was contracting painfully, her palms sweating. She had accused him, but she knew it was true, how could his mind lie to her, the bond never did. But Luke..her master… how… how… he had lied to her as well then. All his words and actions made much more sense now, his exile and refusal to rejoin his sister, his warning her against trusting his nephew, his assurance of Kylo's evilness. And his encounter with Ren at the temple… she wondered what had transpired then. Her vow to revenge her master for the state he was left in now left her almost shameful. Back then Kylo hadn't done it…hadn't killed the one who betrayed him. He hadn't known why, and Rey slowly but surely began to see his torment. And they all thought he had simply turned on his classmates and murdered them in cold blood in the middle of the night for no good reason. She suspected only her, Snoke and the knights of Ren had the knowledge that Ben Solo did not kill a single person on that faithful evening.

Oh, how she wished she could see Luke now, how she wished she could punch him straight in his saintly innocent mug and ask him why. Why would he go as far as to hate his own blood, was he truly dreading Ben becoming Vader's copy? Even so… willing or not he had helped push the last barrier of the already poisoned mind of his nephew. While Rey was futilely looking for her lost family among the desert, Ben Solo was dejected by his, left to Snoke's lies, left to the care of the greatest hero, his own uncle, only to be knifed in the worst way by him. He had never really felt an ounce of trust and support, he had always been feared and hated. What was light to him but a corrupted concept? While she had found hope in herself and her new friends and resisted her fall into darkness and hopelessness, Ben Solo had given up and sunk into the whirlpool of death that was the dark side. Manipulated from a child by a predator as strong as Snoke. Had he even had a chance?

All these thoughts drove her so mad, she couldn't find peace in the small ship and after going in circles for about an hour returned to the only person that she had to avoid at all costs. She was too emotional, she had to stop, had to. But she didn't.

She knocked hurriedly not waiting for response and with a surprising burst of the force slammed the door open revealing the dim inside of the commander's quarters. It was much bigger than she expected. He was wielding his saber in wide arcs in the center of a wide space surrounded by his office and bedroom. The walls must have been reinforced since the laser didn't cut through the metal but spew crimson glowing sparks. His weapon was as unstable as him, he kept slashing at the air his hair flying around sticking to his forehead, his lips expelling bursts of air. He wasn't even looking at her. The force was so thick with murderous tension she could cut it.

He was unsteady and volatile at that moment and it was a very bad time to be around him. But she was pulled by heavy ropes, she couldn't be apart from him. Not now. She felt his turmoil and his awareness of her presence.

"Ben, please talk to me!"

He did a last downward cut and stopped, panting heavily his light saber burning fiercely.

"Ben Solo is dead." He spat through gritted teeth, his red tinted pupils challenging her.

She approached standing a foot away from him.

"No! I know he is not. I know the light is in you, it is spreading. Luke did you wrong. You didn't kill these children, it was not your fault."

He looked down at her calm on the surface bur barely contained underneath, his eyebrow twitching.

"I didn't kill them. But I see their ghosts, every day. And the others I have murdered. I am a monster. The light will never cleanse what I have done."

Her heart ached after each word and she knew it was true. She muttered shaking:

"It cannot but you can. There was this dark abyss in you. It was so cold. I have that same hole inside me. I thought I'd find answers there. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone."

"You are not alone." He answered

"Neither are you." She murmured as she reached for his blade wielding glove. Her fingers glided down until she reached the activation switch and pushed his thumb down until the plasma fire died down.

Then she gingerly gripped his face between her small hands and yanked him towards her. She heard the saber hit the ground as his arms hooked around her enveloping her until their mouths merged in a much-awaited encounter. It was frantic and messy like always with them, two broken pieces trying to mend each other, gluing their bodies as tight as possible. His strands were wet against her forehead dragging moisture down to her cheeks as his mouth feverishly kissed her face. His velvety thick lips found hers as he penetrated her mouth sucking on her until she was light headed. She returned the favor by exploring his divine mouth, lapping on his tongue with hers, playing with it. His arms were encompassing and suffocating, and her ribs were desperately trying to expand pushing her even further into his rock-solid chest. The aroma of his shampoo mixed with the feral primitive smell of sweat hit her nose and she moaned loudly from the pure intoxication of it. He was infecting her with his touch, smell, and raspy breaths until she only felt him on her. His arms all over her back, kneading the muscles, her own fingers ravishing his gorgeous wet strands. His mouth glided on her nape just like in that last vision and the feel of his very real tongue on her skin made her tremble hard. She managed to get revenge by sucking on the sweet spot between his own jaw and neck, leaving a raw spot. His breaths got labored. The heat was pooling dangerously low at her core and her knees trembled from the force of their savage embrace. She escaped reality when he lapped at her neck and peppered her with hard nips and bites; returning to it only when his fingers went lower to dig into her hips, lift them up only to grind her onto him. The shocking contact with his pelvis finally made him groan and push her at arms length, panting heavily. Disappointed and angry she tried to pull him back, needing more, but he shook his head. The realization as to how close they had come to passing another paper-thin barrier sobered her up. Yet her insides were craving him in an inconceivably irresistible way, she wanted this badly. Her mind was still in scrambles as he pushed her out of his quarters with the force.

She stared blankly as the chrome door slid into place locking her out. What! She breathed out shakily cussing, at the brink of forcing it open again. But after a minute of confusion slumped to her room defeated.


	22. Shipmates Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait! I did already write the next chapter as well just in paper form. Life is busy but will type it soon! Hope you enjoy this one, let me know what you think my dear readers! As always please comment :)

This time was granted to them, the mortal enemies, with or against their wishes and she had to make the best of it.

 

...

She was dazed and disheartened, chased away, shook to the marrow, sitting on her cot. Hugging her knees, she tried to forget her foolishness but the chill of the barrier locking her out pierced her like steel. She felt so cold; the bond was like an empty tunnel leading nowhere, where it was connecting her so completely to her other half it now led nowhere. The stark heat that was consuming her flesh was gone and the memory of it made her hairs rise up. But it wasn't only the brazen heat that left her in such a state...it was everything. The lies of her teacher...the truth...the knight's hidden pain...the sleeping secrets...the nightmares and the force...and...and the shame. Her shame of distrusting him. Kissing him. She closed her eyes.

...

Getting a good night's sleep had been so rare for Rey recently that she almost didn't recognise the rosy cheeked girl in the bathroom mirror the following morning. As much trouble as she was in, she always bounced back, she was a survivor. Splashing some water on her face, she hummed. Even in her toughest moments she would sing a little song she had heard from some alien visitors. Music was a rare thing on Jakku. It had helped her push through. Granting her biggest problems back then were more in the lines of will she scavenge enough to get a ration and less of the heart and moral dilemmas that were haunting her nowadays. Still the melody cheered her up and helped her focus; seize hope even if there was little to be had. For now, she would concentrate on getting in touch with the Resistance to warn them.

Slowly an idea staring shaping. The way they connected so deeply yesterday, her and him, could she reproduce it? Get into his head, find the password for the ship command...maybe. A stupid grin split her face at the madness of that plan. She was mad indeed, but she was left in uncharted territory, if she didn't act soon she would combust.

Rey got a chance to execute her crazy plan as she found the ship captain deep asleep, sensing the bond weakened. He was locked in his cabin away from sight but not from their ever-present bondage. She felt her stomach lurch at the thought of invading his privacy again but how many times had he done that to her and others? Her pity for his fall was great but she was not as besotted as to forget the true purpose of her mission. And he remained villainous, he had made his choices. As manipulated as he had been, everyone had a choice. Snoke could not create singlehandedly the Jedi Killer, the expert torturer of the Order, the faithful apprentice that was Kylo Ren. Deep inside Ben contained that same darkness as Vader and maybe the same as hers but he had surrendered, had chosen to bathe in it until it stained him permanently.

She realized she was becoming tense and bitter. The hatred that had spurned before at the mention of Ren's name was not present now, instead she felt helpless and filled with sorrow which angered her further. Channelling that strong bile of emotions, she somehow found a way to reach the crepuscule dreamscape of her tormentor. As if the force whispered her way. The barrier was thin like a netted veil.

The force... HER FORCE! It was back! A miracle! How? Her ghost self was dancing in joy. Was it him? Yesterday when he poked around in her mind? She had no memories...but maybe he had helped her after all. She felt it fluid and free and strong like the oceans of Ahch-To coming and going. The bad ghosts which kept pestering her were silenced but something else had sneaked in. It may have been there all along, but she only noticed it now. It was glossy, murky, deep and soft like tar, a dark energy. It flowed like a river because it was in all essence part of him. She ran her translucent fingers through the waves enjoying the sensation and marvelling at the cosmic power it contained. Had he always been this strong?

How could she get to the passwords from here she wondered? Sitting at the banks of this strange stream a fuzzy vision slowly formed in the depths.

"Dad when will you teach me how to fly?"

The child sitting on the pilot's seat was reaching for the controls on the command panel. A panel that was instantly recognised by Rey.

"Not now kiddo. You know how your mom is. She'll rip my balls...eh ears if she saw you in here."

A young and exasperated Han was pulling down the randomly pressed by the curious child switches of all sorts.

"But dad you fly all the time, so does uncle Chewie and uncle Luke. I am grown up now, why can't I come with you?"

Ben was pouting adorably, his almond bright eyes lost on a tangle of black hair. He looked so fair, so bright. Han sighted leaning down towards his son, trying unconvincingly to smile.

"Okay, next time all right? I promise."

"No! You said the same last time. You promised. You did!"

Rey felt more than saw the machinery's switches push and press, blink, and beep uncontrollably, a wild energy exploding. Han moved away horrified, looking worriedly at the console and his son's tightening little fists.

"Ben, stop it! Stop it right now damn it! You'll break her!"

But Ben kept pushing until all the panels cracked and all the lights died away. Now it was only the child and his father. A blink and they were much older now, facing each other in the gloom.

"Ben, there is still time..." Han said in an old and hopeful voice as he was silenced by the red glow of the saber running him through. And as he fell to the unknown depths of the Starkiller's belly his son stood still on a narrow platform clutching his blade. He kept staring down for a long time, then he jumped. Rey felt the utter terror of the dive and impending death and tried to get away. This was not what she had come to see. Too late...

"You, filthy rat!"

She was thrown into a different space, felt his rage at being caught off guard in his own dreams. Damnit, she hadn't expected this again so soon. His memories, his pain. She felt his grip on her shoulders.

"Is that what you expected to see? My nightmares? My secrets to reveal to your precious Resistance buddies? A traitor just like them. Are you satisfied? Did you get your confirmation of my irredeemable soul?"

He was shaking her spitting every word out like poison. His eyes were like sharp darts, brows creasing, hair sticking low, teeth moving furiously behind his jaw.

"You are hurting..." was the only thing she could utter, simply stating the obvious. "I only wanted to learn the passwords, to warn them... I didn't mean to pry into your past..."

She didn't move out of his grasp and let his fingers dig into her shoulders. She was strangely happy to be here in his grip again despite the circumstances. Like yesterday she felt his loneliness, his self-inflicted torture and self-destruction. And like before she wanted nothing but to be here...for him.

"You don't hate Han. You miss him. You regret…"

He tried to move away but she clasped his wrists with her fingers keeping him from running to the depths of his mind. The action brought his wild hazel eyes at her. He pinched his lips; his face was a mosaic of emotions he couldn't hide. Not here, not from her. Her heart tremored but she spoke again.

"Remember. You are not alone."

He moved his hands to her neck, the thumbs resting on its hollow. She gulped. He slowly moved forward, so close she had to look up from his chest. He tilted her face up…

. BEEP

The loud emergency signal roused them quickly as they were torn apart, the dream dissolving. Like a seasoned survivor Rey grabbed her saber and hurried to the command deck. They almost ran into each other in the corridor both disheveled and half-dressed. The scavenger tried to avoid the knight's gaze. He brushed past her gaining the pilot seat, firing strings of commands at the ship's AI.

Rey stood behind blinded by the swishing charges flashing from the port windows.

"We are under attack! Ren! We are…" she shouted

"I know…Rey!" He snapped "Stop screaming."

Instincts honed by all the simulator scenarios kicked in and she sought the memorized switches for activation of the weapon and defense systems. She was locked out.

"By R'iia's shorts Ren, give me the password! You work on getting us out of range while I take care of them!"

He simply ignored her, barking commands at the ship, pushing at a million levers and buttons at once. The charges kept coming, the ship whirled around and shook as the shields absorbed heavy damage.

"One more hit and we'll be space fish, the protection field can't take any more. You can't shoot at them from here. Let me do it damnit!"

Without turning around, he yelled the password as Rey strapped herself in the copilot seat and accessed the situation. There were three, no four medium sized GAT Blastboats chasing them, testing the shuttle's protective field by blasting holes in it. The shuttle was managing for now but at what cost. It should have been crispy cooked by now for all the damage it had taken. If it wasn't for that incredible shield. No…Rey realized no shield can resist in such way. The force infused into it was saving them: that and the stupendous maneuvering they were executing. She had never seen anything like it. As if the ship was a flexible acrobat sliding on a rollercoaster, evading its pursuers. Before she could shut her jaw at the sheer skill of piloting she had her own hands full. Two of the blastboats were at their sides trying to hit them, taking turns. Rey needed them in front. Suddenly the shuttle slowed down as if reading her mind and she focused on the red dots at her screen. Come on. Come on. Boom! One of the pursuers exploded in a blinding show of metal sparks! Rey quickly dealt with the other one while its pilot was distracted.

The shuttle shook violently again almost throwing her off.

The bastards were blasting them from behind bent on revenging their dead buddies, giving it their all by emptying their guns at the black bird. She felt the blows almost physically followed by a ghost sense of extreme strain. Ren…

With redoubled vigor she aimed at the two remaining vessels, wishing them gone, annihilated. Others were approaching from behind, closing in. You will see you little shits! You think you can attack us by surprise!

She shot in a wide arc, the powerful weapon triggers easy in her grasp. She was savagely grinning. It took some time, but she finally got them with the help of a speed burst and a fly around maneuver. Ha! Die! The boats were but specks of debris lost in space as the shuttle sped into light speed losing whoever else was on their tracks.

Rey let out a long and shaky breath noticing the tremble in her hand. It had been self-defense. Calm down. It's over. You are safe. She wasn't sure whose voice it was that was comforting her when she felt waves of pride mixed with apprehension.

She turned the chair around finding the ship's commander resting his head on the back of his seat panting as if he has just returned from a marathon. The force from the shield was gone and she could see the huge gap it had left in the knight's force. He was drained.

Silently she went to the kitchen, poured a glass of water, and brought it to him. He didn't open his eyes as he took it, drowning it in one go.

"Who were they? Why did they attack us?" She inquired sitting next to him.

Finally opening his tired eyes, he answered his voice quieting at the end.

"Pirates probably, though incredibly foolish not to notice the Order's emblem…or…"

"Or…?" Rey leaned in her seat, fascinated by his absorbed expression.

"Enemies…my enemies" He spoke to himself.

What kind of answer was that? They had almost died.

"Tell me who were they! The Resistance?..." She asked her heart sinking.

"No. But someone had hired them, someone who knew where I was…" A grotesque mug flashed in her mind's eye.

"Snoke! He must have found out you rescued me. He wants to destroy you!"

"Silence!" Kylo Ren squalled as he turned to face her, rage forming lines on his smooth face. Like a gorgeous but deadly storm brewing. Not one that could bring Rey to silence.

"You keep letting yourself be manipulated by him. One day he will murder you, you blind idiot!" She shouted back. He unstrapped and stormed off not long after the glass on the deck shattered.

…

That's what I get for a thank you, Rey grumbled as she swept the pieces from a dozen broken glasses and plates. Hey Rey, thanks for saving my ass! Oh, why you are very welcome my grumpy lord of sulkiness. And while you are at it why don't you clean up after yourself for once! She made sure to really push that last part through the bond, unfortunately it was tightly shut. She kicked the rubbish bin open and listened as the glass was broken in and burned to plasma fuel. Soon enough they'll drink from their shoes with all his tantrums.

But even as she plopped on to the small divan she felt like Bantha shit. His overexertion was taxing on her, he was sleeping but the force use had drained him deeply. He had kept them safe pouring his energy into the shields. She needed to do something. But the stubborn dark force user wouldn't let her neither in his room nor in his mind. Not even close. Fine then! Let him suffer!

…

After spending a couple of hours sinking in boredom she jumped out of the soft comfort of the divan like stung. The scavenger ran to the command deck like a fury. After making sure she was alone she quickly entered the passwords. The screen blinked twice and the console was open to her. Finally! Open yes, but not easy to figure out. The simulated consoles she had used haven't been anything like this and she was still getting acquainted to the Falcon one as obsolete as it was. Then she remembered Ren's stern voice and quietly asked.

"Computer how do I make a call?"

"Welcome commander. You state the recipient or their com. code and specify open audio or video connection to them "

Their com. code. Oh no. She didn't know it. It had always been registered into the contact list of the Resistance ships. Of course this one wouldn't contain it.

"Screw it. Call the Resistance? Uh open audio connection to the Black One-the Resistance ship of Poe Dameron?"

The computer was silent but Rey observed the circling line on the interface. It seemed to lock onto something and a signal was heard. Then a voice.

"Who is this? Why are you hiding your signal?" someone replied.

Rey prayed this was a Resistance person and not a First Order pilot waiting for a word from his commander.

"It's me Rey, is Poe Dameron or Finn anywhere around? Or general Leia?" She was taking a huge chance here. In a moment she could be caught by the enemy.

"If this is Rey, tell me something only Poe would know." Finally the pilot's familiar voice resounded to her great relief.

"You told me I look like shit before going on our last mission on the transporter."

"Rey! By the Maker, what are you doing?! Where are you? Everyone thought you were dead or caught. Are you okay?" His panicky tone touched her but also annoyed her. No thank you Rey for evacuating us. No thank you for almost dying stopping that blast.

"Rey?"

"Yes, yes, I'm here. I am fine. I can't tell you where I am but I am fine. I called you to warn you…"

"Warn me! You already did before locking me away, remember? Why did you do that Rey; that was a suicide! How did you get away and why haven't you contacted us since, it has been a week!?"

She was getting increasingly annoyed with his endless questions. Even thought he had all the right to be angry, she didn't need to explain herself.

"Just let it go okay! I survived and escaped. What you need to know is the First Order learned the secret base coordinates and plans to attack it!"

"Well that's great and all but we already received an anonymous tip about it three days ago…suspiciously similar to your type of…signal. Was it you? It couldn't have been no…otherwise why warning us twice, it's foolish. Just like what you did and what you are still doing. Foolish. We need you back. Just tell us where you are we'll get you. The princess is pissed enough."

Rey gritted her teeth and hit the console with her fist.

"I won't be coming back right now Poe, I'm sick of playing soldier. I have something I need to do first. I will be back soon. Tell Leia…I don't know, I'm doing something important for once."

"Rey…that doesn't sound like you. You can't leave us hanging like this…damn it Rey you can't just do what you want!"

"I'm sorry Poe the connection's cutting, please be safe…"

She pressed the close button and sat in the chair staring at the blank of space for a long time.


	23. Shipmates Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May the 4th be with you my dear SW fans and Reylo shippers! I wanted to publish this as gift for the occasion, but here it goes for today in the end. Beware spiciness of all sorts follows, not yet Mature but getting there. Enjoy the sexual tension and as always let me know what you think! Why is Ren so reticent?...who will succumb first?

...

The next day found Rey deep into the cupboards and drawers of the kitchenette. What was all this stuff anyways? She wondered as her plan of making food was quickly descending into chaos. Who knew it was this hard!? Much more complicated than mixing her ration with water. Her stomach lurched at that memory, if she never had to taste that crap again she'd die happy. But the things he had conjured, the process seemed so simple. First, he would get some ingredients then chop them…then either fry them or put them in this big machine…the stove?

After two hours of burnt experiments, a very exasperated scavenger decided she liked fixing machinery much better. In addition, she had no manual nor access to the holonet for help. So, it was what it was.

Balancing the tray, she gingerly placed it on the floor in front of his door. She hoped there weren't any mice in this sparkly ship or he will be eating crumbs. Then with nothing to do but wait she executed some training exercises in the living space, stretching her limbs and focusing her strength then tried to meditate on the couch. Focus Rey, concentrate on the force, let it flow, let it flow…

….

The sound of clanking woke her up and she looked at the time on the wall clock. Almost 8 at night. She must have dozed off. She was never good at that meditation stuff. Also, not much else to do in this ship but sleep anyways. She yawned then noticed a new addition on the low table in front of the divan. Her tray with a note, a real paper note. Written in a beautiful flowing script it read "This is the worst meal I have ever had" signed diligently under Kylo Ren, commander of the First Order etc. etc. She made a face then burst out laughing. So, the sulky prince had awakened.

Rey went to the kitchenette seeking the noise. Before entering, she arranged her hair in her half ponytail, the rest freely cascading down her neck; she had to make sure she didn't look too crumpled and messy to provoke his mockery.

He was there sitting in his usual spot; legs spread out, a steaming cup in his hand as if nothing had happened between them. He was dressed in his usual black tunic and belt, light loose pants, no skin showing but his angular profile framed by wet dark curls.

She realized how their daily routine had turned into some perverse hell; argue, ignore each other, pretend they weren't meant to tear each other apart, all of it ending in bursts of passion then retreat. Usually the whole interaction lasted for under an hour. Let's see how long they could survive before being at each other's throats again. Rey had done her very best this time, even cooking for the villain!

She approached cautiously, led by the delicious smell coming from a bowl on the counter. To hell with it, it smelt much nice they whatever she had fixed earlier. Just don't say anything to provoke him again.

She got a plate and poured the rest of the food assuming if it's there she could consume it. Then she sat on her chair and started devouring the magical stuff with her hands, munching loudly, immensely enjoying herself. Rey completely forgot she wasn't alone as she started humming her song again. Oh yes, she could die happy if she could only eat such tasty flavorful things every day until she died.

"Did anyone ever tell you, you have no table manners?" – Kylo Ren uttered. She took a glance at him, while slowly licking her thumb from the grease. He was trying hard not to, but Rey could see the phantom of a smile peeking behind his facade.

"You do every time we eat." – she grinned and kept slurping the sauce at the bottom of her plate.

"You also make the worst tasting food. Who would think strawberry and liver and milk with generous addition of …. spices will give anything but grub and a fried one on top of that!"

He sounded genuinely upset at her combination which made her laugh in turn. So, the knight had a bit of a hobby.

"Well I am sorry my cooking was not to your standards, commander. I am much better at shooting down ships then mixing meats and spices. If I had access to the holonet I would have learnt a thing or two maybe. But you are most welcome your royal highness!" -she answered dripping sarcasm, stung by his ingratitude. There went her peace offering.

She was glaring at him with annoyance. Much good it did to waste all that time trying to make him feel better. He was silent again, ignoring her, his gaze fixed on his cafa. Fine then! She wasn't going to waste more time on arguing. Better avoid another conflict.

As she stood up and started his voice stilled her

"Stay." he commanded.

Her heart skipped a beat, but she scoffed at his arrogance. She moved to go past him, but the force rendered her motionless. His current was strong.

"Let me show you." And just like that he dragged her in front of the counter with his power then stood up himself and joined. She shivered at the loss of control, but his actions puzzled her more.

"Let me go" She spoke up trying to sound intimidating and failing.

"You are free. I just want to show you some things. I…want you to stay."

Rey's imagination was conjuring increasingly disturbing ideas of what he wants to show her while she was immobile. Some of them made her swallow and warm up, some things she wouldn't mind seeing…

So, when he released her she remained, rubbing her arms distractedly, peering at him. She should have been nonchalant or storm off, showing him who's the boss of who. But she stayed observing him as he was going through the contents of the fridge getting out green leaves and red plump fruits and vegetables. Was he going to cook again?

He started talking and she listened because he never spoke to her like such before.

"You see this. This is called a red leaf lettuce, and this is a Corellian tomato. We'll get some nuts and make a salad, then…"

His explanations went on and on as Rey spaced out, it was more fascinating to witness his child like excitement and passion. Kylo Ren was like one of those hermits who haven't spoken to a living being for decades until someone finally passed in front of their spot in the desert and they spilt out their secrets. He was nothing like the ruthless killer she knew or the outcast misanthrope. He was engulfed in his lesson and seemed much more relaxed and human …he was enthusiastic.

Rey stood close to him while he was demonstrating some cutting techniques and basked in the acute heat from his body. Her own flesh remembered well their short encounter yesterday and she shivered with desire. She was barely paying attention until his hand grasped hers and placed a knife in it.

"Now show me what you can do." He demanded from above her and she couldn't find the strength to answer let alone look at the intensity in his eyes. She tried to chop the leaves but in her distressed state only managed to drop the blade and butcher the fine lettuce. Her heart was pounding, and she could only think of Ren's large spice-fragrant body beside her. To make things worse, purposefully, or not he explained in his low timbre

"No good scavenger. I'll demonstrate. Now take the knife, hold it like this; no; too strong. Hold the shaft firmly; now slice in an arch motion. Softly. Yes…just like that…"

Rey profusely sweating now could only be moved like a puppet as he stood behind her enveloping her right side as his gloved palm held hers, making her cut perfect little slices of greenery. His voice was close behind, deep and caressing, saying all these things that made her blush. Could he smell her embarrassment, see her color, feel her trembling fingers? Was he playing her or was he oblivious? Never had she felt this way before… like a spineless fool, like melting goo. A word of his and she weakened, a touch of his and she was fevered. She was losing it.

When he finally moved away her insides screamed. No! Stay! Her mind shut her mouth thankfully. She couldn't bear this tension, every gesture of his provoked her and she remembered how he looked at her licking her thumb. A wave of insanity took over. She fixed him as he was preparing his food. The sauce splattered suddenly, and Rey watched as his gloves got all stained with reddish liquid. She smirked at his momentarily confusion and murmured:

"Let me take care of that" She grasped his right hand and waited until his attention was on her again.

"What are you..." Ren demanded while myriad of expressions transformed his features. His slanted pupils widened when she put his index to her lips slowly cleaning it with her tongue. A lap on the left side another on the right, now down the crease then up the knuckles. She continued with the five of them, licking on the tangy zest of the dressing. Her eyes half-closed she was finally having him just for herself, his eyes on her lips, his hands in hers. The taste of leather excited her surprisingly. She cared not for anything, only the sensation of his thick and long elegant fingers on her lips. And the way he looked at her…his eyes darkening with every lick, his jaw working. But she wanted more, he had to become as hungry and desperate as her. As weak for her as she was for him right now.

So, she put it in, the tip then the knuckle then all of it inside her mouth. The whole finger was in as she languidly sucked on it, sometimes nipping, sometimes licking. His hand became heavy at her attentions and she held it with both of hers as she kept thrusting the finger in her crevice. Her mind was half there, her tights rubbing, her sanity forgotten.

But her victim couldn't take his torture further and plucked his slickened finger out of the hot cavern it was trapped in.

She had her eyes closed as he played with her soft lips, the leather seams rubbing circles then spreading her saliva around, smearing it on her cheeks and chin. Then she was seized by his other hand, the large palm cupping her small face, the thumb rubbing roughly where its brother was just before. Pushing on the soft flesh until it was so tender every contact with the ridges seam made her knees weaken. The pleasure was so delicious she never wanted it to stop, yet her lips craved more than the roughness of his fingers. She wanted his special taste.

Rey murmured a plea and tried to push closer, but his firm grip kept her in place.

The next thing she knew his burning breath whispered across her ear

"If you think you're the first woman trying to seduce me you're wrong savageling. Tell your friends from the Resistance their manipulations won't work on me. You are playing with fire and you will get burnt."

Her eyes snapped open as she felt the ground crumble beneath her. The Resistance…what…huh…By the gods what was she doing to him! And these ideas he had gotten, the filthy bastard. She wished she could be anywhere else but here standing stiff like a thief caught red handed. As he released her and moved away he gave her such a self-important gloating smirk; looking down on her as if she was the dirtiest of all women, that she turned crimson and lowered her eyes in shame. She didn't know how long she stood like this on her pillar of shame but by the time reason had cleared the fuzz in her head she finally started to digest his words.

Was she seducing him? Maybe…Was it for the Resistance benefit? … it could have been, but she didn't do it for them…hell no. It was pure selfishness. She had wanted this.

And Rey was ashamed indeed but not of being judged as an easy woman but of being rejected by someone who clearly had more than a little sexual interest in her. Had she gone too far? Maybe…but it was too late to regret it now and she wasn't sure she did.

The initial embarrassment gone she observed the cool-headed knight wiping himself with tissues then meticulously finishing his salad. He wasn't looking that irritated but mostly pleased and even …amused. As if he had won some battle the asshole.

Other girls might have run away weeping at the offense to their honor, but not Rey. Her maiden honor was hardly immaculate, and it would take a lot more than an insult to chase her away. Not if there was a challenge and a mission to accomplish.

So, she took a gulp of air and stood by him, observing his strange cooking rituals, acting as unperturbed as possible. After some time, she asked him, trying to sound casual.

"So, I guess you heard me speaking to Poe Dameron?"

He glanced down at her while pouring sauce in a bowl.

"It was hard to miss, considering this is my ship and you were using my password. Genius move, mouse. I know everything that happens on my shuttle."

"Strange since I don't recall hearing a command from Poe ordering me to seduce the great Jedi-killer. What exactly did you hear? Your dreams?"

He narrowed his hazel eyes at her.

"What does it matter what I heard? Why would you call your precious friends if not to update them with the latest info on me and tell them to come get you as fast as possible away from that evil Jedi-killer. And why not profit from the bond to extract some valuable information to extort him in the meantime?"

His salty accusations got in like a twisted knife. She bit back upset.

"Yeah sure, it's not like I contacted to warn them like I told you I wanted to a dozen times since I got here. But this upcoming attack on the base, they already knew about it. Some anonymous signal. I wonder who could it be…"

She bore holes through him trying her best to decipher his reaction. She needed to know if her suspicions had any ground. But he didn't even blink! Not even moved a sweat. He simply rebutted.

"Some damn fool that's who."

Then he looked down and his face was momentarily hidden by his locks. She sighed. It really hadn't been him in the end then? She was so confused. Could anything be simple with Kylo Ren? And as if to prove her right he stepped in front of her with a wicked speed and a fork in his hand trapping her against the counter. His left arm pressed against the wall effectively cutting her way out. She kept her slightly nervous gaze on him and his approaching fork.

"Open up girl." He murmured in deep baritone and she did in the last second before the salad entered her mouth.

It was illegally delicious. She chewed and swallowed as he waited, all focus on her lips, the fork held too close for comfort to her cheek.

"It's good." She tried to sound brave but her earlier madness was closing in again. Stop staring at him you fool, he's only playing with you. Don't give in to his games, let him see you're not the easy girl he accused you of.

"Was it as good as my fingers?"

She scoffed blushing hard and looked to the side, trying hard to ignore his brawny body towering over.

But the touch of cold metal on her collarbone was hard to ignore. The slightly sharp tines moved leisurely across her uncovered flesh, making her shift and move back. There was nowhere to go. He had this very focused and cocky smirk as he pushed the tines between her shirt collar, the metal caressing the top of her breasts. She gasped but didn't try to move away, her sweaty palms gripping the edges of the counter. She wouldn't give in…no…let him…ahh…do what he wishes. He had pushed his knee in between her tights now and her core gave a sweet pulsation. His leg was high enough to part her wide and the space opened reminded her of how empty she felt down there. All her dreams flooded in uninvited.

"I told you, you will get burnt…Rey"

The sensual way he spelt her name was on purpose and she gritted her teeth, intent on not giving up her control.

"I am not afraid of fire."

She stared him defiantly and his smirk finally dissolved, his dusk eyes flashing dangerously. The bond rebelled, wanting to be free but out of spite they pushed it back, no matter how painful it was for both. Neither wanted to see the other's real feelings at this instant.

Ren pushed down hard with the fork tearing the collar through the middle of her shirt all the way to her navel. She still had her bralette and the tunic crossed above but the cold air hit her heated skin like ice. She gulped down but kept her gaze steady on him.

Invisible force pushed the tunic to the side, down her forearms revealing her shoulders and chest to her torturer. The flimsy ebony training underwear remained. She trembled when the fork kept its agonizing trip across her naked flesh, her collarbones, her neck and lower. It travelled to the top of her covered breasts and in the valley in between sneaking down to graze her sensitive ribcage at which she jumped. Amused he kept pushing the tines in between every rib meticulously like some sort of examination.

"You need to eat more scavenger…"

He drifted off as the fork held firmly in his gloved fingers continued its journey down her sternum reaching her belt. He poked at her navel as his knee pressed up her tights. She fought the moan that was begging to escape her parted lips. He was too good…devious. She was half uncovered by him, teased to her limit, the way he licked his lips drove her mad. How she craved his plush mouth again.

"Ren…" she realized she had groaned his name aloud.

The fork dropped at her feet and she had a precious moment to memorize the feral, savage glint in his eyes as he claimed her finally. The utter pleasure of the reward was indescribable. The reward they had yearned for yet denied themselves for as long as possible. For they were both knew it was but a twisted game none could win.

His tongue thrusted in her mouth as his free palm cupped her jaw. Her weak legs gave in, her pelvis grinding on the thick knee keeping her up, seeking any kind of contact. Her hands were pulling desperately at his shirt, wanting to rip it to shreds like Ren had done to her soul. Their madness was of a special kind, a sweet pure torture, a drawn-out battle of tension that exploded in their mouths, at their touch. As their tongues fought for control their bodies melded, incapable of keeping away any longer. His zesty essence was everywhere, the citrus strong on her lips, encompassing, intoxicating. She bit them like the crispy salad; sucked on them until they were red as the fruit in it. Oh, stars how could she want someone so badly. She hated it and craved it. The headiness of his powerful presence, the knowledge he could crush her, use the force to do anything he liked to her but never kill her, made her wetter than in her dreams. The rough surface of his shirt, the solidity of what muscle lay beneath drove her to desperation. She wanted to feel him, his lips on her neck sucking and marking while she moaned and pulled him even closer.

"Ren…please…"

But her pleading got her nowhere, they groped and petted, scratched, and bit but when their breaths were out, and faces glistened under blue neon, he moved away. Leaving her wrecked and observing her through panting lips, his palm inadvertently placed himself in his too tight trousers. Her heart was beating uncontrollably, and her tights rubbed nothingness; she stared right back at him unabashed begging him wordlessly. He had the same unreadable fire in his eyes as their last tryst and she knew he wouldn't go further. She breathed out shakily and retreated to the bathroom strong and proud, the tears finally falling.


End file.
